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Television Continuity, Pall Mall, Make Room for Daddy, D. Thomas, May - June, 1956

Date: May 1956
Length: 439 pages
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~i~s5 THE DANNY THOMAS SHOW ~# ~ (~) "MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitle: "Love Thy Neighbor" I~THO 1 0028692
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"MAKE ROCM FOR DADDY" DT #4B (6~) Subtitle: "Love Thy N~ighboPI' CAST DANNY ...................... . DANNY THOMAS MARGARET .................. , .JEAN HAGEN TERRY ....................... SHERRy JACKSON EUSTY ....................... BUSTY MGKSEVER ...... ~ ............. MRS. MCKEEVER ............... D(~IS ....................... PATTI.,. ..... ,. .......... .,. LIZA ........................ s ___gs INT. WILLIAMS LIVING ROOM INT. LOBBY OF BUILDING AT ELEVAT0~ INT, WILLIAMS BEDROOM INT, MCKEEVER BEDROOM INT. MCZ~EEVER LIVING ROOM INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAy ATe01 0078693
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"MAKE BOOM FOR DADDY," f Subtitle: "Love Thy Neighbor" INT. WILLIAMS LIVING ROOM - E~Y EVENING DANNY iS SITTING AT PIAN0~ MARGARET IS ON SO~A READ- ING PAPER, DANNY Honey, you know what I was thinking? If I wou~d ~p nkv Joe Haceigalupe telephone routine with an Italian song~ it might be very good. I donSt mean a cmuedy song. I mean so~ethin~ I can sink ~ teeth ±~to, MARGARET I:d stick to comedy. Let LanZa take the a~las, ATX01 00?8694
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~e DANNY Oh, is that so. Listen to tbls° I1ve been reh~arslng it for the last few nights. (~E STARTS ~O PLAY "0 SOLE MI0") THE HOWLING OF A DOG 18 HEARD AFT~ LAST NOTE. DANNY STOPS PLAYING AND LOOKS AROUND° THEN STARTS AGAIN. DANNY (SINGING) 0 Sole Mlo. Sta Bron Di Tare. THE DOG HOlCL COMES IN AGAIN. DANNY Did you heat that? MARGARET (LOOKING UP FROM PAPER) Yes. That last note wasn't bad. DANNY The last note wasn't mine, ItTS that dog again. (HE STARTS TO FLAY AGAIN AND SING) O, so, o, so, la mio... THE HO~:IL STARTS ONCE MORE. TERRY ENTERS. TERRY Daddy, ~ould you take it a I'm trying to do MARGARET He'B Don't bother your father, D~h~ars~ng a new song. AT~O~ 00?8695
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TERRy EXITS, DANNY Some chance of rehearsinE with that dog bowling, I san Just take so much. HE RISES AND CROSSES TO PHONE. DANNY Sandy, let me have the superlntendant. MARGARET Danny, take it easy. Maybe the dog~s lo~ely, DANNY What do ~ care if he 'S lonely? He doesn't have to sing wlth me. Let him hum to hlmself. Hello, Mr. ~ifer. This is MY. Williams. Are you ~unnln~ an aDartment building o~ a kennel here? ~hey~ 7s a dog in this building that's very annoying. Yes, might next door. Now, you Just tell them to keep that hound quiet and to have some regard fo~ other people in the building or you're going to lose a tenant. Thank you. Ooodlbye. MARGARET Danny, I wish you wouldntt fly off the handle 80 quickly. It Isn't ve~ pleasant to have bad (MORE) 3, h~THO? 0028696
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MANG~T (CONe,D) ~eeli~gs toward ~o~r neighbors. They look llke pleasant people. DANNY I never saw them. ~d besides, we've been llvln~ here lon~er than they have. ~n a v~ek ago. think about us. They only moved They should (HE SITS AT PIANO 4, Hello. Filer. Flfer. AND STARTS TO SING "0 SOLE MIO" AGAIN) THE PHONE RINGS. MARGARET CROSSES AND PICKS IT UP. MARGARET Oh, Just a minute, Mr. It's fo~ you, Danny. DANNY Action aIreadyl He yON See, k~qows a good tenant when he has one. P~obably he's made the people ~et rid of the do~. Helloj Mr. Pifer -- He~s a fine one to co~plaln. A~ all hours of the day and n~ght? Like Lanza with the colic. I do not play the Diano with a crow-bar] Oh, hers oomplalnin~. Where does he get his nerve. Well, you're going to have to choose between him and me. A T:401 00?869?
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DANNY (CONT'D) (PAUSE) Now, wait a minute, Mr. Filer. Let's not be hasty -- yeah, but Mr. Flfer -- Yeah, but -- but -- of co~se I llke it here. I see. 'Bye, (RECEIV~ DOWN) How do you llke that? Complaining about niy singing. MARGARET Who, the do~? DANNY You c~ kid about it all you want, MarEa~et. But let me tell you something. I'm getting pretty tired of the city. You're too close to your neighbors. And if something isn't done about that guy and his dog; I'm going to move to the country. MARGARET First, you'd better get a move on to the club. Or you,re going to be Iate for work. DANNY (LOOKS AT WATCH) Yes. I am late. Give me a Rood luck kiss. SHE KISSES HIM LINGERINGLY. 5. ATe01 00?8698
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. DANNY Cut It out. l said a good luck one, I~m late as it is. DISSOLVE TO: 6, AI"NO 1 0078699
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71 INT, LOBBY OF BUILDING - AT ELEVATOR - NIGHT STANDING IN FRONT OF ELEVATOR IS MR. MC~EVER. NE'S CARRYING A SHALL FRENCH POODLE. DANNY WAI~S INT0 SCENE AND STANDS BESIDE HIM, THE ELEVATOR DoOR IS CLOSED, DANNY (PLEASANTLY) Did yOU push it? MCKEEVEE (PLEASANTLY) DANNY PATS DOG. YeS, DANNY Thatts a cute pt~p you have there. MCKEEVER Thanks. F~iendly? Very. DANNY MCKEEVER ATN01 0078700
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DANNY PATS HIM AGAIN. DANNY That's the size dog people should have in an apartment. Not one of those great big yowling monsters that some people have. MCKEEVE~ Yes. They can get very annoylng. DANNY You said it. I love animals but people should keep them quiet, MCKEEVER Our little "Kiki" is llke a mouse. That,s how it should be. You should have megaPd lot your neighbors, DANNY This building is gettir~ awf~1. They have people in it that don't. MCKEEVER It's is a pretty noisy building, I had to complain to our superlntendant today, DANNY You l~ow somethlnga 80 did I. MC~ I'm telling you. There,s a g~y next door to me that thinks he can sing and bangs at the piano llke he~s hltti~ it with a e~ow-bar. ~d FII-HO 1 O0?BP01
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¸DANNY Yeah, and there's a dog next door to me that -- how can such horrible sounds come out of a thing like that? (POINTS • 0 DOS) MOKEEVER d Are you the guy with the sandpaper throat? Why don't you give youmself up? DANNY Me give myself Up? What klnd of a yapping exouse for a dog is that? When I'M tz"Jing to rehearse he's howling so loud I can't hear myself. MCKEEVER He's not howling, He's voicing an opinion. THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS. DANNY Well, tell him to keep his opinions to himself. I'ii do as I please in my own house. I pay rent here. MCKEEVER So do I, but I don't squawk about it as much as you do. F~THO 1 0028?02
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IO. DANNY YOU seem to know an awful lot for someone who~s only l~ved in this building a week. MCKEEVER I know a lot about you. T~ ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS AND PASSENGERS GET OFP Am EXIT. DANNY What are you, with the P.B.I. O~ so~ethinE? Just because you live in ~n apartments doesn't mean you have to spy on your nei£hbo~s. MCKEEVER You don't have to spy on you. Living in the next apartment, it's hard n~ hearing that voice of yours. DANNY Do me a favor. Keep youm ea~ away frem our wall, MCKEEVER DO me a favor. Get la~yngitls. DANN~ If you want to know something, you should be made to take that dog up the back way. Not rids with the tenants, R'r ~o.1 00?8?O3
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MCKEEVER Itll take her up any w~y I choose, Besldess she has more sense than some tenants. MCKEEVER PUTS DOG IN ELEVATOR. DANNY Irm writing the landlord about this. THE ELEVATOR DOOR SHUTS~ WITH KIKI INSIDE. CATOR STARTS MOVING. MCKEEVER Now look what you've done. There goes my Kiki. She won't know what's happened to her. DANNY Well, if shels got so much sense, let her push the button and Eet off -- I'm walklnE. DISSOLVE TO: ll. THE lhDI- ATH01 O0?B 20~
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12. INT. WILLIAMS BEDROOM - NIGHT MARGARET IS SLEEPING AS DANNY ENTERS AND SWITCHES ON LIGHT. HE CROSSES TO BED A~ SHAKES HER. DANNY Margaret i Margaret I MARGARET (SLEEPILY) What? Who is it? Danny? Is that you? DANNY Youlre not sure. Then why don't MARGARET Why should I? I've been dreamlnE about Car~ Grant. (SHAKES H~SELF AWAKE) Oh, it is you. (SHE SCREAMS) ATH01 0028?05
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! Ef z3. DANNY Very funny. HE CROSSES TO WALL AND PUTS HIS EAR AGAINST IT. MARGARET What are you doing? DANNY I Just met the guy next door with the dog. I don't trust him. MARG~ Why not? DANNY What's he doing up at three o,olock in the morning? Roaming the streets all dressed. MARGARET You're all dressed, And up. DANNY (CROSSES TO HER) I'm an actor. I Just gcthome from work. MARGARET Maybe h~e Just got home from work and took his dog for a walk. DANNY I'Ii bet, Probably was out robblng some stores. And he USes the dog as a lookout. P~T~OI OO78 ?O6
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MARGARET Oh, sure° He breaks into a storej steals something, then Jumps Into a bi~ black car and the dog drives him home. DANNY Go ahead, make Jokes. But that guy has lived here for a week already and nobody knows him or his family. MARGARET That's the trouble with the city. We'~e all strangers. We dontt even get to know the pe6ple who live next door. I think we ~hould hold open house. DANNY Don't bother. I got an Ide~ this characte~ could open it withou~ our help. Instead of reporting him to the suporin~endant I ought to report him to the police. MARGAreT Now stop being foolish. It's things lik~ this that make me wish we didn't llve in New yo~k City. I was brought up in a small town where people took an interest in one another. Sha~ed each otherls (MORE) 14. RT.~O 1 00?8?0?
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M~GARET (CONT'D) p~oblems. They had mn open hea~. Listened to the other fellow's story. DANNY Sure. They had a party line, MARGARET That was 311 part of it. When we accused our neighbors of something, we were S~r~ of it. DANNY I~m sure about him, I o~ read faces. He'8 a prety shifty individual, I bet he's there now listening to everything we're saying. Or plahnlng a bank Tobbery or something. MARGARET Oh, come to bed end stop worrying. DANNY No -- that would only make me worry mo~e. About what? Cary Grant. MARGARET DANNY HE RISES A~D ENTERS BATH. CUT TO: 15. ATe01 00?8 ?08
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16. INT. MCKEEVER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT MRS. MCK~VEN IS IN BED. MR. MC~ IS STA~DINS AT FOOT OF BED GETTING UNDRESSED. ~S. MCKEEVEB But you don't even know him. YOU met him under unpleasant clmcumstances. MCKEEVER That has nothing to do with it. Anyone that gets home at thmee in the mo~ning, watch out fo~. MRS. MCEEEVER You just got home. And it,s ~hree ololoek. MCKEEVEa I'm a newspaperman. I work late at the parer. ATH01 002B?09
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MRS. MCEEEVER I saw him once. And he seems to have a nlce open face. MCKEEVER That's the trouble. He doesn't keep it shut enough. What's he doing roaming around the streets at this hour? MRS. MCEEEVER I think he's an entertainer in night clubs and that keeps him out late. MCKEEVE~ I'll bet he,s an entertainer. I've never seen such a shifty individual. He's probably a fence for a smugEler's gang or something. MRS. MCKEEVER Ohs get ready for bed and forget about him. MCKEEVER I'd like to see the act he does. Probably works with a seal and the seal throws a fish to him. HE OPENS WINDOW. DANNY (VOICE OFF) Honey. Are there any saPdines? 17. A1-F~O 1 0078710
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f MOKEEVE~ I knew it. I was PIEht. He does work %~th e seal. He wants sardinesl DISSOLVE TO: 18. ATXO'| 0028211
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19. INT. WILLIAMS LIVING ROOM - MORNING MARGARET IS SITTING ON SOFA. TERRY AND RUSTY ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF HER. MARGARET NOW, let me look at you both. Rusty, why don't you have your hair combed neatly llke your sister's when you go to school? RUSTY I'm not looking for a boy friend, TERRy Don't be smart. MARGARET Yes. We don't need any more eomedlans in the family. Let your father make the Jokes. RTH01 0078712
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TERRy Mother, did Daddy say it was all right for me to go to Doris's pajama party tonight? MARGARET Well, dear, l was going to ask him but he was so upset when he came home I thought it better to wait until he was calm and reaeonable. TERRY If I wait that long, I won,t be able to get into those pajamas. 1.11 ~o in now and ask him. I promiBed Doris I'd let her know this morning. DANNY ENTERSWEARING ROBE. DANNY (WEAKLY) Good morning. CHILDREN A~MARGARETADLIBGREETINGS. MARGARET Did you have a good rest, dear? DANNY Awful -- oh, those s~rdlnesr Why do you let me eat those things? How such a tiny f~sh can do such big damager 20. RT~01 0078713
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TERRy Can I go to a s1~Der party tonight? Slumber par~l What kinda thing is that? Sl~be~ ~y! TERRY All the kids ~ake thelr pajama8 and stay ove~ni~ at someoneaB hou ~2, RUSTY You know. llke when you had ~hat fight with mothe~ and you took yours a~d stayed ~t G~an~Is, DANNY (QUICKLY) Never mlnd that I RUSTY But when you told Mother she could have a fur coat -- DANNY All right.., all right. RUSTY You came home a~In. DANNY Quiet I TERRy ~s it all right if I go? It,s going to be so much fu~. l~ve nevers never been away f~om ho~ (~0~) el. 8T~01 007821~
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TEHEY (CONT'D) all night, except at relatives, and I think it's about time I startedl DANNY Thirteen years old and already she wants to be the face on the barroom floorl MARGARET ~'A bunch of the girls Were whooping it up At the Malemute Saloon... With a bottle of ooke A marshmallow roast And a great big plnk balloon." You're right, Danny. We mus~ save our daughter from that sink of iniquity known as the Slumber party. DANNY I don't want my daughter chasing all over to~n% at night. There's no need for her to sleep away from home. There's plenty Of time for that. HE HEADS FOR BEDROOM. 22. RI'HO 1 OO?B 21~
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f MARG~h~T Now, Da~kLy, really, she's certainly old enough now. TERRY FOLLOWS HIM. TERRY Gee, If all the other kids are going to do it -- THEY ENTER THE B~ROCM. 23. CUT TO: RTH01 OOPBP16
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INT. DANNY'S BEDROOM DANNY ENT~IS BE~ROC~ FOLLOWED BY TERRY. T~F~Y I think we ~hould be adult about this. You dontt w~nt me to get a complex. DANNY T~abls a ~ew th~ng~ SO a ~I~ doesn't get a ~omplex the pa~ent winds up wlth nervous ~rostratlons high blood preBsure au~ hlves. T~q2y It Isnlt llke I w~s going to Europe, It's In town. At Do~is ~cKeever'~. ~lease, Daddy -- canlt you ~ee It ~y w&~? RT~01 O0~B?I 7
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DANNY All right. I don't want you to set a complex and say I stunted your growth because I didn,t let you go to a pajama party. But I want to talk to the girl,s parents. I don't know the McKeevems. What's rheim number? TERRy Hurray Hill 8-8672 DANNY GOES TO PHONE AND DIALS. DANNY A parent should know where his child is going to sleep and something about the family -- THE FHONE RINGS IN BEDROOM NEXT DOOR. MR. MCKEEV~ PICKS UP RECEIVER. CROSS SECTION SHOW. MCNEE%-ER (PLEASANT) Hello. DANNY (PLEASANT) Mr. McKeever? MONEEg~ (PLEASANT) Yes. DANNY (pLEASANT) This Is Hr. Williams. Your daughter's having a pajama party tonight and has invited my daughter. ATHOJ OOPSP18
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Yes. run. MCKEEVER The kids'll have a lot of DANNY ! imagine eo. But I Just wanted to be sure they wouldn't be alone. MCKEEVER Oh, we'll be here. And w~tch them. Doh't you worry about a thing. We'll look after your daughter aB if sh~ was ou~ own. DANNy I'm sure you wlll, You unde~stat%d how I feel? YOU know kids think they're mo~e grow~ up than they really ape. You want to make sure when they're going so they don,t get into trouble. You're a father, you understand what I Mean. MCKEEVER Of COUrSe I do. Do you want me to p~ek bed up? DANNY NO. That isn't neoessary, Mr~ McKeever. You Just 81ve me the address and I'll bring her OVer. MCKEEVER We live at 251 East 68th Street. 26. R/~01 0078719
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DANNY 231 East 68th Street... did you say 231 East 68th Street9 MCKEEVER Yes. DANNY Are you sure? MCEEEVER Sure, I'm sure, 231 East... DANNY That,s where I live. What floor are you on? MCEEEVER DANNY (A LITTLE P~qTURBED) That's my floor. MCKEEVER (SHARPLY) What apartment? DANNY (SHARPER) What apartment have you got? MCE~EVER I asked you first. DANNY I know the one you have. Don't tell me it's you? MCKEEVER You don't have to tell me. I know it's you. A1X01 ~7. 00~8720
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f THEY BOTH HANG UP RECEIVER. DANNY (YELLING AT WALL) If you think I'm letting her come over there. MCKEEVER (YEI~INQ AT WALL) I hope she takes after her mother. DANNy (TO WALL) I wouldn't let my daughter... RUSTY A~D MARGARET Eh'~ER. MARGARET What are you yelling about, Danny? DANNY DO you k-now where that party is -- ? Next doo~l Next door, that's where she wants to go. MARQARET See, you shouldn't have made such a fuss. door. She,ll be all ri~t next DANNY She will notJ She'll be right here I MABGAB2T Danny, I don't think you should spoil Terry,s fun Because of some silly feeling you have about your neighbor. ATe01 0028221
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RUSTY I,~ybe if I spoke to D~ddy. You k~ow, a ~n Is different... I could. DANNY Not you eouldnlt. TERRY (SADLY) Never m~nd, I won,t go. Let all the other kld~ have fun sleeping on the floor. DANNY Youlre going to ~eep on the floor? We paid a lot of money for a brand new bed fo~ you. TERRy (ALMOST IN TEARS) It was going to be such a wonderful party... and I llke Do~Is so much.., and I thought this was a way she could get to know the othe~ girls °.. I was being neighborly and I arranged the whole thing,., and now Iim the only one who won't be there. SHE BREAKSDOWN. MARGARET CC~FORTSHER. MARGARET There, there~ dea~. We'll find son~ nioe diplOmatic way to explain it to DO~IS... 29. RTH01 00?8222
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/ ~aA~r (co~,o) you ~- you Just didn't feel well.., you~ father beat you ~i~h a stick in a dmunken fury... DANNY Now, wait a minute -- I MARGARET She c~ tell all the other girls and they can tell their parents -- DANNY Te~ry -- if you really want to go -- TEBRY (TEARFULLY) No, no, it,s all ri~ht. E don't want to go. I'll stay home and be a good gi~l and rot llke you want me to. DANNY Yon will notl I ean,t blame Doris for hem father and if it means that much to you, I'm not going to stand in your way. Yo~tv~ ~ot your OWn li~ to live~ honey. I want you to go. Now, please, please, tz-j to stop crying. eEB2y (~EER-~JLLy) Can I reallE go? ~e, thanks, Daddyl SHE EXITS. ~O. AYMO1 0078 ?23
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RUSTY (TEARFULLY) I don't care if I get a pony or not. Let the othem kids have onej I'll forget it... never wi~l ~ menblon d$ again. DANNY What are you talkin~ about? RUSTY (SNAPS OUT OF IT) Just practicing, in case I ever want a pony. DISSOLVE TO: 31. 00?822a
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f 32. INT. LOBBy - RIEVATOR DANNYj IN FRONT OF ELEVATOR, PUS~S BS~2TON AND IS K~ADING "VARIETY." HE STARTS HUM~41NG "0 SOLO MIO." FROM INSIDE ELEVATOR 00MES HOWLIN~ OF DOG. T~i~ DOOR 0~NS AND OUT ST~PS MG~V~R WITH pOOCH. DANNY If you fed that th$~ it ~ouldnr t howl. M0~EVE~ I feed the dog. What's youm excuse ? STARTS TO LEA~-E o DANNY I ~ouldn't go ~ut o~ the street° There's a Prowl Ca~ driving around the block. ~THO~ 00?8?25
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MOKEEVER CO~S BAGK TOWARD DANNY MOKEEVER What were they doing, DANNY I donlt have to be tailed. Everyone in this section Mno~s nty business. MO~EVEa How can they help it. You can he heard all over the neighborhood. DANNY I don't have anything to hide like some people. (SUSPICIOUSLY) What are you doing out so late? I thought you were ha~ins s slumber party. When my daughter has a party, llm them. M~EEEVER I was there. I Just stspped out. DANNY Out of what? The Closet? I'll bet she was hidln~ you. And you want to know something, mY daughter arranged this party for your daughter. MCEKEVER No one has to arrange an~hing for my daughter. 33. AT~OI 00?8?26
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DANNY Well, if you're that unappreciative, I'm taking my daughter home. And right now:. ~D EEEVER Thatfs okay with me. THEY BOTH SLIp INTO ELEVATOR AND FACE FRONT. DAn Ow -~ (LOOKS AT KIKI) What did she bite me for? NDEEEVER She's teaching you manners. Take off your hat when you ride in an elevator ~Ith a lady. DANNY DOFFS HAT AS ELEVATOR DOOR CDOSES. DISSOL~E TO: RI"H01 00~8?27
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INT. MCEEEVER'S APARTMENT L~VING RoOM - NI~T KIDS ARE SPEAreD ABOUND LIVING ROOM, AS~P, T~Ey ALL HAVE THEIR OWN BEDDING. Th~ ~RONT DOOR OPENS AND MCE~EVER AND DAh~ ENTER. NDEEEVER (WHISPER~) No~ be careful. Don't wake all of them up. DANNy (WHISPEr) Don't ~orry, I won't, I know ~hat I'm doing. RE STUMBLEs ON SOME OF THE KIDS. TREY STIR, MC ~WER (WHISPEP~) Watch out, olumsy. You'll have them all awake. DANNY ~ulet, loudmouth~ or you will. 81"~01 00?B728
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MC~E~ You're a fine one to call someone ,loudmouthI, 1oudmouthI. THE KIDS ARE AWAKENED BY T}~ ARGUING. A LAMP. TERRY (SleEPILY) Daddy, what are you doing her~? DANNY Shh. I,m takin~ you home. TERRY Why? I havenft finished slsepln~. DANNY You~ll finish sleeplr~ at home. Not In thl8 manls house. DORIS What time is it? MC~EVER Ra]f past three. pATTI Are ~e going to eat breakfast now ? DANNY No. Get baok to sleep. Com~ on, Te~ry, get yo~r things together. TERRY I donSt geb It. DORIS Does she have to go? 96. TERRY LIGHTs RT~01 OO78P29
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DANNY Yes. LIZA Mr. W1111ams .- DANNy Sbh ' LIZA But Mr. Williams. DANNY Look, deam. I know what l~m doinE. LIZA No you donrt. You=re standinE on my foot' DANNY Sorey. Come on, Terry. TERRY But I want to stay. KIDS We don't want Terry to EO -- let her stay. MCKEEVER You're actlnE ridiculous. Why don't you let the child go back to sleep. DANNY She is. In her own apartment: 3T. RTX01 00?8?30
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38. ERR¥ Daddy, y~'rs breaking up t~ ~hole slumber party. DORIS If you canlt stay heR, Terry, we eou~ 811 gO ove~ to yo~ place. Then ve:d still be together. ERR¥ Can they, Daddy? DAN~ ItWs all right with ~. But her ~ther mi~t object. ~EEEVER IVm not llke you are. I'm not going to spoil my daughter's fun. GO ahead, kids, so you can get so~ sleep. THE KID5 ARISE AND ~ T~E PILLOWS A~ B~N~0~TS. DANNY Co~ on, Terry... Kids... HE STARTS 0~ FOL~WED BY THE ELEE~ CHI~N. T~ D~R CLOSES A~MRS. ~IERCO~S O~ ~ ~DR~M. MSS. M. Just w~t's all the -- whe~ did all the children go? Where did they go? Whe~ are they? ATH01 0078731
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They went next door. To the Williams. That idiot father wants her home. I told you, he has a mind of a two-year-old. MRS. M. Did they all have to go? MCE~EVER I didn't want to spoil Doris' party on account of him. tiES. M, But we've got everything prepared for them in the morning. This is where the party started and where it should end. HOEEEVER YOU're right. MRS. M. Coming in here at three o'clock in the morning of all the stupid things. M~I~R He 'S stupid, all right. MES. M. Waking children up at this hour. I've never seen such an idiot. MC ~NVER Neither have I. 39. RTH01 0028?32
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MRS. M. Come to think of it, I have. You're a bigger idiot than he is for letting him take the children. MCEEEVER It wasn't my fault. MRS. M. Well, donTt stand there, stupid. GO and bring them back. MD EEEVER (WEAKLY) ¥e~, dear. He's not going to break up m~ daughter's party. (HE ExITs) DISSOLVE TO: 40. ATe01 00~87~3
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41. INT. WILLIAMS' L~VING ROOM - NI~T THE KIDS A~ SPRAWLED AROUND LIVING ROOM. DANNY There you are, kids. YOU all comfortable ? KIDS (AD LIB SLEEPILY) Uh. Uh - Yes. 'Night. DANNY Good. NOW get to sleep and enjoy your party, DANNY STARTS TO TURN LAMP OFF AND THE DOOR BUZZER SOUNDS. DANNY CROSSES TO DOOR, STII~BLING OVER KIDS. ATH01 O0 ?8 ?'34,
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DANNY (AS HE TRAVELS ) Sorry -- sorry -- (HE REACHES DOOR AND OPENS IT ) WHISPERS ) (TO MCKEEVER What do you want? MCK~VER (WHISPERS BACK) I want the children. DANNY Quiet, Loudmouth. They're asleep. TE~y That's what you think: DOPES Who can sleep? THE REST OF THE KIDS SIT UP. DANNY No~ see ~hat you've done. They're wide awake. MC~EVER Don't blame me. You started this. The party is Doris' and that's where it's going to be. At oft? place. TERRy (RISING sLEEpILY) Everybody up. TRSY RISE. ATX01 00?8?35
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DORIS Mere ~e go again. KIDS (AD LIB) What no~? Aren't we ever golng to sleep? I'm tired. DANNY Quiet kids. TERRY We should be quiet. • DANNY You're acting like an idiot. MCKEEVER Y~ aotlng llke an idiot. TERRY (TO DORIS) It's pretty close. DANNY There's no re,son fo~ them not to stay here. After all, my daughter thought up the ~hole idea. MC~EVER Yeah. But who did she think it up for? My daughter'. SO there can'~ be any par~y without Doris, and I'm taking her home. Come on, kids. THE KIDS HA~E NOW GATHERED IN A CLOSE GROUP AROUND TME MEN. T~Y,RE HOLDING T~IR BEDDING. 43. FIT~401 O0?'B 736
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DANNY Wait a minute. Let's be adult about this. There's no sense spoiling Doris: fun or their fun. You take half the kide to Four home and I'll keep half here. How's that with you, McKeever? MC~/ER That's all right with me, Williams. DANNY STEPS BETWEEN GROUPED CHILDREN. ON SIS SIDE IS DORIS. ON MCKEEVEEIS SIDE IS TERRY. DANNY All ~ight, this group stays here. DANNY,S GROUP SETTLES DOWN ON FLOOR pULLING BEDDING OVER THEMSELVES , MC~EVER Come on, girls. HE EXITS WITH CHILDREN. DANNY LOCKS THE DOOR, THEN CROSSES AND TUR~ OBT LIGHT. HE LOOKS AT CHILDREN WHO ARE FALLING OFF TO SLEEP. DANNY (SOFTLY) There we are girls. NON you can get some rest. (WHISPERS) Terry. Terry. (HE TAKES COVER OFF OF FACE OF ONE, Pb~S IT OVeR HER AGAIN ) Terry. Terry, honey. (~ STARTS LOOKING AROUND FOR HER AND HAS NO LUOK. THE LAST CHILD HE GOES TO HAS HEAD UNDER pILLOW) (MOHE) RT 01 0078737
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DANNy (OONT'D) Oh, there you are, honey. Let Daddy kiss you goodnlght. (HE TAEES PILLOW OFF CHILD) Terry glrl -- (IT'S DORIS) DORIS (WITH EYES CLOSED) Goodnlght. DANNY Doris, you're in the wrong apartment. DORIS (FALLING OFF TO SLEEp) 'Night, Daddy. DADDY IIm not your daddy, but here -- (HE GIVES HER A KISS) Wait a minute. (HE PICKS HER UP) Maybe IVd better take you home to hlm. (~ STARTS TO LI~T HER) DISSOLVE TO: ~5- ATH01 0028P38
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46. INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY DANNY IS OABBYING DORIS AND MC~ IS CARRYING TERRY, AS THEy BOTH COME 0~ OF APARTMENTS. THE CHIIDBEN ARE SLUNG OVER THEIR SHOULDERS. THE MEN ARE CARRYING BEDDING. THEY WAI/~ TOWARD 0~ ANOT~R. DANNY l~ve ~ot yours. MC~EVEB I've Eot yours. T~Y START TO EXCHANG~ GIRLS. THEY AWA~N. DORIS Mr. Williams, what are you dolts? I want to sleep. TERRY Where are you taking me, Mr. McKee~er. I 'm ti~ed. ATH01 00?8?39
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MCE~EVER I'm taking you home, Terry. DANNY I'm taking you home, Doris. DORIs Terry, yottr father's silly. TERRY Not as silly as your father. HeTs thrown me around like a sack of potatoes. DORIs Your father's so weak. Re can hardly carry me. TERRY IS that SO. My father's stronger than your father. Aren't you, Daddy? DAVY This is no time to talk about that. YOU gi~Is have to get 8o~e rest. DORIS We ~ouldn't even be tired if it ~asn't for your father. TERRY If your father hadn't moved into the building we wouldn't even he out here. And I wouldn't have to be talking to yOU° 47. ATH01 OOPBP40
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t~E~EVER Girls -- DORIS Tomorrow, give me back my skates. ~RRY And you give me hack my goldfish. Unless you've cooed it and eaten it. DANNY Now, ~It a minute, Terry -- DORIS I bet you broke ~ s~tes. I bet that's what you've don. On purpose too. ~E~EVER Now, wait a minute, Doris. TERRy I don't care if I never see you again. DORIS I don't care if I never see you again. DANNY Gi~I8! That's no ~ay to talk to each ot~r. ~EY~EFER Of course it isn't. YOU two want to be frie~s. 48. ATe01 0078741
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49. TERRY I don't want to be heP friend. DORIS And I don't wsnt to be hers. DANNY You kids live next door to one another. You're neighbors. You've sot to be friendly. M0 EEEVER That's risht. YOU oan't go walkinE down the hall 81arinE at one another. TERRY I don't like her. DORIS I don't like you. DANNY HOW do you k~ow you don't like one another? Youlve sot to give yourselves a ohanoe. YOUTVe only k~own each o~her a week, DANNY AND MCE~EVER START TO LOOK AT ONE ANOTheR AND REALI2~ WHAT THEY,RE SAYING APPLIES TO THEM. I~KEEVER ThatVs the trouble with a lot of people. You flare %rpmll of a sudden without thinklng and you mIEht lose a friend without sivlng him s ohanoe to be one. A'r Ho.! oo78742
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DANNY YOUr father's riEht, Doris. Just think for a minute. What happened tonight could very well have been 8volded, Your little argument was over nothing. Your fatherTs right, Temry. And itls the little picky things, Just to win a point, thst csuses big a~g~uaents. DANNY We should stop and think befo~ we aocuse and say something nasty, that wet11 be sorry for later. DORIS I think your father's Might. TERRY SO iS yO%t~S. DANNY You certainly are, Mr. McKeever. MCEKNVER You, too, Mr. Williams. TERRY Let's be friends, Doris. DORIS Let's. 50. nTH01 007B743
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51. DANNY How about it, Mr. McKeever. KE OFFERS HIS HAND. MCKEEVER Fred's the na~e, Danny. (AS TRRY SHAFE HANDS) You know, you sing pretty well. DANNY Thanks. And if that poodle of yours ever has pups, I'd like to buy one. DANNY AND MCKgEVER START FOR THEIR RESPECTIVE APART- MENTS, CARRYING KIDS OVER SHOULDERS. TERRY 'Night, Doris. DORIS 7Night, Terry. MOKEEVER 'Night, Danny. DANNY Goodnight, Fred. DISSOLVE TO: RT~01 00787~
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THE A~iNNICAN TOBACCO COEPANY PALL ~ALL FAMOUS CIGAreTtES TV FlUe #146 ONE M I ~Ivf E OPEN ON T~IO TR~tIPETT~RS, BAN~'~S FRO~I TREMPETS READING "PALL MALL" CUT TO ~ECHING FIGURESj SINGIN% CARRYIt~ FLOAT NITH PALL MALL PACK CUT TO ANOT.~R S~CTION OF PARAD~ WITH BANNERS READING .SkOO~., .~ZLDT' CUT TO CU OF MARCHERS SI~GING CUT TO ANOIHER SZCTIO~ OF PARADE, CARRYING STRF~NER: "ENJOY S~DOTHER SMOKING" CUT TO ANOthER SECTIO~ OF P%RADE, WITh BANNENE "CHOOSE WISSLY.j CHOOSE WELL't CUT TO ANOTHER SECTION OF FAMADE, BA~RS K~DIN~: .FOR FKES~LY.L~_T FLAVOR. CUT TO THREE I~ARCK~RS SINGleD CUT TO ~%~0 SQUADS OF FOUR ~N EACH, CARRYING BANNERS ~READING ,,PALL MALL': OFFICER STEPS INTO FOREGROUND, NITH PACK OFFICER SALUTES NNEIDE PACK PULL BACN SLIGHTLY TO I~L[VDE STA~VDANE EFt_DINS "0UTSTA~IhD". OTheR F~%RCH~S FOP IN FROL SIDF~ WITH CARDS HEAD!t~G "AND THEY ARZ MILD~ I~ 5.vNC (OPENING FA EFA+~E ) (CHORUS) We march as we ~In~ Of a fine cigarette .oo It:s ~moot~ and itls mild ° It's the best you can get~ Enjoy smoother smokin~ - C~oose wisely - choose well# For freshly-lit flavor Just ask for PELL I,~ELL. PELL I~LL| PELL .~LL| Smoke longer and ~Ine~ and milder PELL ~LL0 CHAPPELL: (V°O°) Dontt miss the fun of smoking. Mildness is a pleasure with PELL ~LL Famous Cigarehtes. CSAPPELL: 0utstanding~ HARR~ICE: And - they are mild| RYe0100PSP45
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THE TAG 52. INT. WILLIAMS' LIVING ROOM - DAY MCKEEVER AND ALL THE KIDS, AND WILLIAMS FAMILY ARE SEATED AROUND THE ROOM. DANNY IS STANDING AT PIANO. DA A~Y I don't know why you girls want me to entertain you. You've had a good time so far. Why spoil it ~. MOKEEVER Come on, Danny, give us a song. DANNY No. You don't want to hear me. RUSTY Why donlt you drop your hat, Mr. McKeever. RTN01 0028746
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ECEEEVER Why, Rusty? RUSTY Mother says Daddy'll s~ng at the drop of a hat! NC KEEVER Consider it dropped, Danny. KIDS (AD LIB) Come on. Just one. We'd like to hear it. DANNY Okay. (HE SITS AT pIANO) I don~t know ho~ l'm goi~ to slng after that hie breakout M~s. MoKeever 8ei~ed us. But I'll try. ~RGABET Go ahead, Davy° You're amongst friends. DANNY Thanks honey. Here goes. It isnlt exaotly a bop t~e for you teen~ge~s. But ~hst i~ has to say is ~etty important. D~Y GOES INTO SONG A~ ~S ~ SINGS, TEE HOWLS 53. HE'S JOINED BY OF A DOG. HE CONTINUES SINGING. RTH01 00?8?,4-2
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"LOVE THY NEIG~0R" by MacM Gordon and Harry Revel (Published b~: Degylva, Brown & Henderson) Never treat others with scorn Wetro only here tcause we're born Although youlre "way up You msy ~ot "stay up" Stop tooting your horn. Why boast of the wealth you possess High on the hill of success On friendship you never should frown You'll meet the same friends on the ~earY ~ay down~ CHORUS : So, love thy neighbor Walk up and say "How be ya Gee, but I'm glad to see ya, pal, "How's trloks," I'Wh~tts new" Love thy neighbor Offer to sha~e his burden Tell him to say the word'n' You will see him through Especlall~, if the~e should be A beautiful girl next door Say to that ~irl next door "Don't think I'm bold/but -- My mother told me to -- (MORE) RTH01 00?8748
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Love thy neighbor And you will find your neighbor A great deal easier, Life'll be breezier -- if you Love thy neighbor. 55, RT~01 O0?'B ?4~
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~v. 5/5/55 THE DANNY THOMAS SHOW DT #6B (66) "MAK~ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitle: "Dennyls Pa&lad&um Offer" Written k~J Mac Benoff t3T,~0'l OOPH 7'50
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"MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitles Danny,s Palladium Offer CAST_ DANNY .......... ,,,********DANNY THOMAS MARGARET ..... ......,,..,,.JMAH HAGEN TERRY,,,,,,,.,,,*,,,*,,*,,SHE~RY JACKSON RUSTY ...... ,.,,,,°°°,°.,°,RUSTY HAMER LOUISE ........... °°**,*,** JESSE ....... ,.,,,,.....,°,JKSS WHITE WALLY MAR NELL...,**.oo..o. SETS INTI NIGHT CLUB INT, KITCHEN INT. LIVING ROOM INT. BEDROOM \ AI >~01 OOPSP5 i
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J~ L s- INTI NIGHT CLUB " " DANNY IS ON THE FLOOR ENTERTAINING. ,DURING NUMBEB! ~i !~-~ JESSE ENTERS SCENE, SITS AT TABLE, DANNY FINISHES ~; : ~, ;~ NUMBER. APPLAUSE. DANNY GOES OVER TO JESSE.i DANNY Hi Jess. When did you get here? Did you catch the number? JESSE 0nly the last portion of the turn. Thought you were ripping old boy. Helped to bolster my spirits. DANNY Hey fat lord fauntleroy, what's with you?
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[\ This is the greatest thPlll of my llfe and I want my Wife and kids to en~oy it wlth:mei~) ~, ! 'el T ~O'l OOFB ?~3
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THE ~I~RICAbl TOBACCO OOb~UAI~Y PALL MALL F~.iOUS CI~APATT~S oNE ~INUTE OPEN ~I FULL SCREEN OF CF~IPP~LL BLASTING OUT OF SAND TRAp. (ENTIRE SCE~ GIVF~ FEELING OF Sb~4~R - CHAppE~L T~RING HAWAIIAN SHIRT, COLO~UL GOLF CAP, PAIP[ TEBNG IN EG., ETC.) BALL DROPS IN SCREEN SHOWS C~PRTLL (H2~NG IT UP) TURKS TO C~BA A~ D~FFB EAP° OTH~ BOLF~RR IN VI~J DOLLY IN TO CD OF BRAPPELL ~3E~I~G CBIi'~ IN CLOSER TO CHAPPELL, SMOKING SO THAT ONLY HEAD SBO:IB. ON SC~N FADE OuT GOLF SCE~. DISS TO LO~4G A~,D SHORT CICS WITH SMOK~ ARROWS PASSI~ THRU PALL ~LL. NAME "FALL HALL" ABOVE POP ON "LOI~ER', BELG{ CI}S~ I~! tYI~C ~TH "LONGER". TAKZ OUT AFTER "FJEYH~R" DISS IO TOBACCO LEAF AND DROP I:'I T~O MOP~ L~S. O,NE~ AT A ?I~. POP ON "FI~R" BELCh; ~'AVES IN $~, TAKE OUT AFTER "BUY", DISS TO PALL MALL ~TH A~CJS. ~J~ "PALL ~LL" ABOVE POP 0E "MILDER" IN SZSU !~TH "MI~ER". TAKE OUT AFTER "DELICICUS". BIG SHRISKS ON "~UFF AFTER pUFF" PULL HACK TO BE~4 CHATPELL SY SCREEN SH~ING LAST PART OF PUFF CRAET. POP OUT "3~ MILDER" AND SUPER "TASTES FRESHLy-LIT CHAPPELL: (V.O,) NOW wetoh tbls one~ CHARRELL: The best shot I made on vacation. Boy. was I happy~ HARE~CE: (V°O.) Now when you,re rel~x- in~, d~n~t mls~ the fun ~f ~mokir~| ~ild- hess is a ~ ~ PEZL i~LL! CHAPPELL: (LIVE AS IS) Smoke longer and ~iner and milder FELL ~ELL. PELL h ~Lis... ...are longer. Their greater length of fine tobaccos t~avels t~ smoke further - filters th~ @~oke ~ makes it miS~/| But you set mere than greater length~ FELL ~LL tobaccos are Diner - the finest quality money can buy. Reme~bsr . fine tobaaoo is its Own b~st filter. /ou get a self-filtering action that makes your FELL MALL ... Milder - so mild~ so ccol~ so delicious... •,. i% tastes frc~hly.~it - p~f~ after puff. PUFF AFTER pUFFI' AS CIG DDiI~!ISRES IN SIZE C~pPELL EESISE SCR~N, NOT ~'~OKINO° ON Choose well - smoke YELL ~LL~ SCREEN BE HOLDS UP PACK. ~OKI~. ~HAPFELL ~TRT. CUT T0 NG OF PAC~ AiO~ OKE SCHEEN OHAPpELL ETZTo p~RHA~S HE GESTURES TO ~ORDS° SUPER ALONGSIDE PAC~ "OUTRTANDI~G - AND THEY ARE ~LD!" ~t FELL {ZLL F~mous Oiga~ttss in the distinguished red paekage today. OETE~ANDIEG .°o ~ed %hey ~ nil4| ~T~01 007875~
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~ ~ .~i!~ i • .. ~,.,~ •., .• A,7 .r ..... ~- ~-~ ~:~.. JESSE you know something. You're Just as corny off stage as yOU a~e On. DANNY Look Jesse~ I kDOW I put yOU to a lot of trouble gettlng this engagement Just as I wanted it. Part of your re- ward will come when you see how happy Margaret and the kids are 3. going to be when I tell them, I'm taking,them to ~gland wlth ! - '. ~ i ~,~ me. The rest of it will have %, to come from knowing that l~m ~ very grateful. JESSE I didn,t do it for you. I did "~ it for a redhead in London. DISSOLVE TO: • ~ i~ . ,~!• A1":~0"I 0078755
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H • , 4. INTERIOR KITCHEN - MORNING ~ ~. ~?,'~ LOUISE PUTTERING AROUNDa SETTING TABLE AND RUSTY SKIPs IN, VERY GAY, RUSTY Good mornlngj Lomlse. LOUISE Wella good mornlngs C~rly tops °.° Want anything special this morning? RUSTY Yep. I want a bullseye wlth fou~ eggs. LOUISE C~e egg is a bullls eye~ four eggs is the whole b~lll°.. What,s the big deal? h. - ,~
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( / RUSTY l'm a big man. (HE STANDS ON CHAIR) Well, I am. The Chippewas A. C. asked me to Join their club. LOUISE Are they all big ~en like you? RUSTY The president is t~rteen. LOUISE Oh, pardon me~ Mr. Ourlytops. RUSTY Boy~ I can hardly wait for initiation. LOUISE (lAUGHING) ! bet you really can't hardly wait. What,s the initiation like? RUSTY I ~ive the password -- Hip Hip hip, the minnia sinnia honnla zok the bumble lla io then I ~ive them three dollars. LOUISE (DAFFY) And I bet they can't hardly wait either. 5. A f~ l';qO ~ 00?8?5?
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( A MARGARET KNT~%S, , / " : ~ i¸ j: ~'S VERY GAY, MARGARET (EXAGGERATEDLY NICE) Good morningj Russell. You look unusually handsome today. RUSTY (ALL EXAGGERATED) Good • orni~g j Mon~. MARGARET And you Louise. you,re looking pretty charmlng too. LOUISE Well. The butter is sure melitng fast around this table this morning. MARGAF~ET Why shouldnlt it be. I'm feeling fairly proud of ~self. I've been elected president of the PTA. RUSTY I've been elected in the Chippewas. MARGARET You'll have to help me, Louise. Welre having a big announcement paPty in three weeks. RUSTY I'm having initiation in three weekse ~ ~ ~1 ,,~ 1 6~ L, , O0 P9 P59
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A • i MARGARET WeTre having a slt-down dlnne~ for twenty. RUSTY I'm sorrys I may not be able to come. After the initiation I doolt know if I'll be able to C sit down. TERRy ENTERS, ALSO ELATED, TERRY Good mo~niog, good morning, good mot:ling, Mothert brother, dear friend. All you lovely people good morning. LOUISE Well pucker my lips and call me sweetpea if it sinlt another honey d~Ipper. TERRY Guess what?... You know that hard to get boyw Ji~ B~rmows? RUSTY (BO ) boys. Mother. All right, Rusty. Terry. Always thinking about TERRY MARGARET GO ahead 7, L: ~l-><O ~ 00?8259
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T~RRY You know whom I means Mother. The boy I wouldnUt go to the dance wlth if he got on his hands amd knees and begged me. MARGARET yes, dear. TERRY Well, today he actually asked me. MARGABET Well congratulations dea~. What are yo~ weaTing. TERRY I haven't got a thing. MARGARET I know what you mean. Letts both go shopping Monday. TERRY Isn.t it wondemful mother. The biggest dance of the year, the Junior Festival. Just three weeks f~om tonight...And the most populam boy in the school - RUSTY The most popular asking me___~, (IMITATING) boy in the school asking m__eel --~., Shels crazy. 8, ~l :401 007'8?60
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LOUISE My, my - 3 weeks from tonight this is going to be a very busy household° Ru~ty with hi~ hip hip pay the three dollars, Momm~ with the presidency of the PTA, and Tel, ry with her Prlnce Charm- ing. I better go look up my horoscope and find out what good happened to me. DANNY ENTERS~ ALSO HAS THE LOOK OF ~ CAT THAT ATE THE CANARY, DANNY Good mo~mlng, n~V beloved family. ALL (VEF~ sWEET) Good mo~nln~, Daddy, etc. (COULD BE FUNNY BUSINESS OF ALL GOING ABOUND TABLE EXCHANGING KISSES, ETC.) DANNY Good morning# Louise. (HE RAISES HIS 0RANOE JUICE GLASS Ah~ SINGS LAST ~OU~ LINES OF RULE B~ITTANIAj THEN VERY SMUGLY SITS DOWN) Cheerio. Poop~ poop. Pipj pip. And 8 mer~y Pall Mall to all of you. LOUISE That butter ain't only melted, I~'s now turning ranoIdI...(SWEETLY) : J ,[ f [ Good mo~nlng, M~. Williams. i f~ 1NOl 9b 007~?61
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L DANNY I am now about to make one of the most ~n~portant announcements I have ever made. RUSTY &TERBY We have an announcement to make, too. DANNY All right. First I'll make mine. Look at me real good. Don't take your eyes off me until Ifm finished. Your daddy is going ~o be headliner for ~wo weeks at the LoDdor Paladium and you're sll Eolng to be there $o see me work. MARGARET Danny, I oan.t believe it. That's what you've dreamed about. We~ll have such a wonderfu3 tin. We'll see the Tower of London where they kept the little pminoess. We'll hear Big Ben chime from Westmlnlster Abbey. I can hardly walt. When do we leave? DANNY I open in three weeks. MARGARET Three weeks. i0. N T,~40 1 00?0?62
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ll. RUSTY Three weeks. TERRY Three Weeks, LOUISE They Just took the seats out from under that sit-down ~dlnner. TERRY (STANDS UP DRAMATICALLY) You can't do this to me, Daddy. RUSTY You can't do this to me either. DANNY I can,t what? Play the Palladlum? TERRY I've been invited out on the most important date of my whole llfe and you want me to leave the country? DANNY Oh, now stop being rldloulous. RUSTY I'm being Inltated into the Chlppewas...I went to all that trouble to learn the password. RUSTY Hip hip hip the mlnnla si~nia honnla zok the bumble lla in. J ; i " A'I-)~O 1 OOPSP63
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DOORBELL DANNY I~ll hip pip you~ sloola. You~e coming with me and thatls that. DO you realize the fUD we'll have? The headllner of the Palladium gets to meet some of the most irapo~tant people in England. Princess Earlss Dukes. We'll spend weekends wlth them. Visit with aristocracy. We'll go dmek hunting in the morning and eat them for dinner. RUSTY I don't llke duck. DANNY They are not the kind of ducks youlre used to eating. Theylre wild ducks. RUSTY What's the difference? LOUISE Wild ducks keep flying off the plate. LOUISE Saved by the bell. LOUISE ~ITS. TERRY Daddy you're ruining my whole llfe. 12. L I3]"HOI k.O,'B, 55
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( • l L~¸ • • 13. RUSTY And you ain't doing me any good either. DANNY Haven't you been listening to met I#m not being booked into a one night stand in Hoboken. ITm going to headline the London Palladium. I want the people near and deaf to me to share my triumph, M~rgaret will you please explain to these kids what this is " 71 oil °bout (si mcg) Mugsy tell 'em, t ~ ~ ~ M.~RGARET ; :~ i I oanlt gOo DANNY Wharf... MARGARET Look dea~, I'm being inaugurated as President of the PTA and you know how important that is. Canlt you postpone the Palladium dete? DANNY Postpone it -- ~ybe it would be bette~ if I Just phone in the NI'NO 1 OOPSP65
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14. RUSTY That's a good idea but make them call you. DANNY Row do you like that? It's unbelievable. I get this wonder- ful Job at the Palladium -- the Palladium. And ~o mne wants to go wlth me. MARGARET Sweetheart~ you!ve got to understand my position. Mms. Johnson campaigned . against me. (m the g~ounds that'I : can't be relied upon because I,dE0 chasing my actor husband all over the ; country 8nd l!d never be around when they need me, DANNY Youtre not chasing m~ around the country youm~e chasing me out Of the eountl, y. MARGARET Thatls just the point. Xf I go with you I'd be proving that Mrs. Johnson is right. T'll be the la~ghiDg stock of the PTA. DANNY Who's more Important to you me O~ Mrse Johnson, I:t 1 HO 1 O0?O ?~6
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15. \ MARGARET Danny; don't be unreasonable. have to llve with these people. I see them every day of n~i life. I've gained their respect ove~ the years. I~m not going to be an object of ridicule. How could you sprlng a thing llke this on us so suddenly. Why dldnlt you give us some wa~nlng. DANNY I was saving it fo~ a surprise. M/h~G ABET ": Well congratulations, l~m ., surprlsed DA Rh"f No, you surprised me. I thought / my family would be glad to be with L me when I headlined the London Palladium. The shrine of show buslness. It's only going to be the gmeatest moment in my theatrloal career. I won't need amy mo~al support. It doesntt matter that fill be standing before a strange eudlenoe In a strange land, aohlng for the sight of a familiar face. My triumph will be an empty one. As empty as your hearts a~e empty of love fo~ me. I~ T NO 'I 00?8 }'6 ?
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I" • <J,. 16. RUSTY There he goes with the sympathy bit again. DANNY All right stay home and laugh. See if I care. Jesse and I knocked ourselves out to include you in on this deal but from now on youlre included out. I1m going alone, MARGARET Well if you,re so anxious to go alone go ahead. Ifd be the last : " "~ ~ :~" :-'~: • : , one to stand in your way. JESSE WHITE ENTERSS ALSO GRINNING FROM EAR TO F~R, [ i JESSE Wellj everything,s all set. Including the redhead, who I just talked to in Piccadilly. Boy, 8re we gonna have a ball -- Hi, familyl (HE LOOKS AT THE FAMILY WHO LOOK GLUMLY AT RIM) MARGABET Home wrecker. JESSE %q~at~s the matter? Don't you know me? llm Uncle Jesse, your father's agent -- I got you all a trip to E~zElaDd. (MORE)
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/ • ) k JESSE (C0h~'D) ~ere ere all the plane tickets, (HE pULL~ THEM OD~ OF HIS POCKET) Three grownups a~d two children. T~Y I am not a child. RUST~ The President of ~ club is thirteen. DANNY ODe ~ore wo~d from you and yo~Ire goln~ to Bet it. RUS~Y Gee. you lose an amgument so Nou 8tart yellln6. (HE EXITS) TERRY I wonder how aristocracy would like tb~? (SHE EXITS) MARGARET I hope you two will be very h~ppy together, you make a lovely couple. (OUT SHE ~OES) JESSE ~na~ was that ~- the Cha~ge of the Light Brigade? DANNY yeah, baokw~rdso,° theym~e not going. 17. 8]NO1 0078?69
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JESSE NO~ going? l~nny, wh~Js the matter with them -- are they crazy? Not going to see you play at the palladium? This is the biggest thing that ever happened to you. What can be bigger than the PalladiumTE DANNY I can tell you three things. P,T~A,, Jimmy BurPows, and hip hip hid the mlnnla sinnia honnia zok the bt~ble lia lo. IIii go without fem. Who needs 'em (~AUSE) I do. AS JESSE LOOKS AT HIM AS THOUGH HErS CRAZY -- DISSOLVg; 18. P, T ',,4 0 1 OOPBP?O
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/ I, ~9. Ik~TOR LIVING R0'0M - DAY RUSTY, SEATED ON COUCH__IS LISTENING TO TERRY# 3TA~ IMG UPI AS MARGARET WAITS AT PIANO, TERRY An~ now~ ladies and gentlemen, of the P~T.A.S It glveB me great plessu~e and privilege to present to you the principal spearer ~ great womsn, a person of cha,acte~ and ~Ignity, one who is kno~ to e~ch stud every --- RUSTY All @ightm already, announce he~. MARGARET Be q~d.et, Rus~y* That,s hOW yOU In~oduoe a p~o~pal 8peaked. I~ l-NO "1 OOP~ P7"1
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J TERRY A person of sterling character and dignity who is known to each add every one of us~ you~ new P°T,A, P~esldent, and my ~othe~, Margaret Williams. RUSTY AND TERRY APP~%UD AS TERRY SITS DOWN AND MARGARET COMES FORWARD. MARGARET (READS FROM PIECE OF PAP~) Mr. Chairman, members of the faculty~ distinguished guests and fmlends and neighbors in this g~eat audience. RUSTY What baloneyl I MARGARET Rusty|... As I stand here Itm reminded of a story thst aeems appropos to this occasion, and the growth of ou~ PAT.A. DANNY ENTERS. MJh~SARET (CO~T ' D) A famous author was once ~iven this toas~ ~ a banquet~. "Long llve success| " To which he replied; "Yes. It Is ~he only thln~ that succeeds." (SHE WAITS FOR A LAUGHs Ti~I~S TO SEE DANNY STARING AT E ): n l,'~O 1 20. 007~ ??2
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MARGARET Just one of my little Jokes. DANNY I'm glad you told me. MARGARET I was rehearsing my inauEural speech to the P,~bAJ DANNY Wells go ahead, lid like to hear what goes on white I'm three thoussnd miles away. Donlt let me stop you. MARGARET (PEEVED) Very well~ I will. 21. (READS) It was not so very lone • " ago that our great P,~oA was but :~ ~<', a fledgllnE association, critlelzed ,' ~::::~iii~:~ on all sides. (PAUSE) ' ~ :. : DA~Y (ALMOST MUTTERING TO HIMSELF) As if I could stop you. As if I could stop anyone a~ound here. Nobody pays any attention to me. I'm Just the father a~ound here. ~L~GAF~T [NOW CONTYJ~) What right had the parent to usurp the duties of the faaulty? In what way could the~e be harmony between the two bodies? ~3 l'NO 1 0078 77'3
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:/ 22. DANNY (AS BEFORE) Who cares about a fathe~s who cares whether he1~ alonem ~nwa~tedj on ~ £orei~ shorej three thousand m11es away from home, While his family plays about. ~, T~ KIDS,REACTIONS FROM ONE TO ANOTHER LI~ TENNIS PLAY~Sj HEADS IN UNISOMj MARGARET (DOGGEDLy ON) But the common good had to prevail, for the ~ advancement Of child education; Lh : :: DANNY FO~ anybody's part I ~ght Just as well not be here. A phantom, ' an apparition, a ghost. Just bring home the mozey and then get lost. RUSTY (TO TERRY) you know something. 5[ llke DaddyJs speech better. DANNY Sure... What do you ~a~e about me? you let ~e go alone. Just me and the water below. And Wh~les and sh~ks~ wa~tlng wlth open Jaws. = ~ ~: ~] :40 ! O07B 774
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\ : • ~:i~ !~ i 23. RUSTY Even if I weren.t being initiated I wouldn!t go -- llm scaredl DANNY SUre, you're soa~ed. But you don't ease if I risk my life to bring home the bacon.. Me all alone, over the ocean. MARGARET yeah, sure you all alone, fo~r stewardesses and 46 passengers holleri~g will somebody stop ~i thBt nmn from snoring| ~ ~ DAh~NY ANGRILY GETS UP, STII~L HOLDZNG PIPE ~ ! : ; ~ SLIPP~qS AND STARTS !NT0 BEDEO(E4, :~ DANNY Oh youlre very funny Margametj very funny. All I go~ to tell you is... Wb~tls the use. CAMERA FOLLOWS HIM AS HE EXITS. TERRY Gee I dldn,t realize he'd take it this hard. RUSTY Leave it to me. I'll cheer him up. RUSTY GOES INTO ~E~3ROOM, lq I"HO'I OOP8 ?7~
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INTI BEDROOM ..... , DANNY GETs INTO BED WITH AN ANGRY MUTTER AND BEATS THE PILLOW INTO SOBMISSION, RUSTY ENTERS. ~ ! : RUSTY ~ (TIMIDLy) Hi, Daddy. DANNY What do you wart? I~m no daddy to you, Just a money mechine. Bubble gum t~alns, movies. But when it cores to doing something fop me, ltl8 ~ot hi, Daddy, itls bye, Daddy. RUSTY Geej Daddy, Itls not my fault if those Chippewas want to initiate me, besides Y went to so i , £ ....
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25. RUSTY (CONT"D) much trouble to learn how to say hip hip hip the -- DANNY All right, all right. But will you be sorry when I say to the Duke of Whitley: "Youm Lordships this is my son Rusty," and you won"t be there. RUSTY ~o"ll be taking my place? DANNY Don't be funny. N~at,d you come in for? RUSTY I Just wanted to tell you I love you. DANNY 0he RUSTY And when you,re gone I~ll miss yous so don't be mad, Daddy. DANNY All right, I wonlt be mad, Russ. RUSTY In that oase~ can I kiss you? DANNY Of oou~se; you can kis8 me. RUSTY PUOE~%S UP ON THE BED AND DANNY KXSSES B~M. f:~ 1~0 1 OOP'S ?,~?
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i / • 26. RUSTY Daddys can I have something to reme~be~ you by when you,re away? DANNY Sure~ so~, what WO~id you llke? RUST~ Three dolla~s for my initiation. C DANNY Whatl RUSTY JUMPS OFF TH~ BED AND RUNS BEHIND THE FOOT RY~T~ BUT DANNY LAUGHS AND DIGS INTO HIS ~OU~S~ DANNY Thatls what I said -- Just a o oh oo. character. NOWj get out of here. HE HANDS HIM THE MONEY AND KISSES HIM AND RUSTY EXITS~ ~ ~ RUSTY Youlre funny when youJre mad, But I do love yo~, DANNY ENTERS LIVING ROOMj AS HE EXITS TO DOOR. TERRY DANNY Daddy. HOW much do you Want to remember me by? TERRY I don't want anything. I Just want to ask a question. ~I'M01 OOPBP?8
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~C / \. DANNZ Okay~ what is it. TERRY What do I do if Jinm~ Burrows asks me to kiss him? DANNY Slap him ~Ight in the puss. TERRY But then he,ll never ask me to a danoe again, DANNY That,s where you're wrong. If you kiss him he'll never ask you. DANNY STARTS FOR DOOR° TERRY Daddy, DANNY Now what is it? TERRy I love you. (KISSES HIM) DANNY EXITS OUT FRONT DOOR. MJhRGARET RUNS TO DOOR CALLS RIM BACK, MARGARET Danny. What? DANNY MARGARET I Just wanted to know if youtd he home in time for dinner. e7. ~ !~ % • It 1~ )~0 '1 00?8??9
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f 28. DANNY Yeah, I think so, MARGARET I thought if you're home on time I'd make a potroast. You like it 80 much. DANNY That wil~ be swell if it's not ~oo much trouble, MARGARET NO. No trouble at all. I'ii even make some potato pan cakes.. They're awfully good with potroast. DANNY That wlll be nice, STARTS TO GO. MARGARET DaDny, DANNY What do you want now? MARGARET KISSES HIM. MARGARET All right it will be potroast with potato pan cakes. DISSOLVE TOI rt IHO'I OOPB ?80
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THE M~RICAX PCBACCO CO~A~ TV FIU~ #i~6 PALL l.~LL Ff~;OUS CIGA~T~S 05 ~!IEUTE OPEN ON i:}O TNbI~E?~RS, BA:J:~HE PROM TRU>~ETS RL4DIk~ "PALL ~%LL" CUT TO ~.~ARC~I~,'G ~ICL~S, ~IP, G, CAP~YING PLAIT ~,~TK PAiD MALL PACK CUT TO AFO~R S~CT±51i OF PARADD CUT TO CU OF ~2CHE~ SI~ING CUT TO Ai~OTHER S~PiOi~ OF PARADE, CAHEYING STREAI~R: "ZNJOY SMOOTHF~ CUT TO ANOTHER S~CPION OF P.~RADE~ WITH BANk~ "C~OOSE WiSZLY", CHEOSE h~LL" CUT TO ANOTHER $EC~O~ OF PARAS, BANNK~3 P~IDIX~G: "FOR FP~HLy-LIT FLAVOR" CD~ TO THREE ~L~RC~RS SI~'~I~ CUT TO %%~0 S~UADS OF FOU~ ~N ~CH, CAHEYIP, G BA~E~ R~.NI~ "PALL F.ALL~ OFFICER STEPS I~TO FC~ROU~D, hlTH PACK OFFICE2 SALUITS B~S!DS PACK PULL BACX SLIGH~Lf TO IYCL'I)E S.wA~DA~D READING "OUTS~A['DI>D". OT~R I'~£~.CHZBS POP IN FRCL SIDE, !~ii~{ CA~S REASI~ "A~ LHEY AR: MILD" IN 31q~ ( OHENI:'~ FA~VA~E) Of a fine cigarette ~,, It:s ~mooth ~d itls mild - It's the best you can get| Enjoy smoo~:er smoking - Choose -~isely - choose well, For freshly-li$ flavor Just ask for PELL ~ELL. PELL iJ~LL~ PEDL 3~LL| ~moka longer and ~iner and milder PELL }/LL. CHEPPELL: (V,O,) Don't miss the fun of smoking, ;~ld~ess is a pleasure with FELL ~LL Famous Cigarettes, C.~%PPELL; Gut st anding~ HATLZICE: And - tl~ey ars ~ AIM01 00P8281
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( ¢ INT6 KITCHEN- NIGHT RUSTY E~N!~RSASLOUISEPUTTERS~BOUT. LOUISE Hi, RUSS. Just listen to this. Hip hip the minnia si~nla honnla zok the bumble... (FUMBLES) ... something or o~hev. Ha ha. I thought I ~¢w it by hea~to Row does it go again? RUSTY ForGet it. I'm not going to be initiated. LOUISE B~s~y, what happened? !: J ~ i. ATe01 O07B ?'82
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TERRY E~. TERRY His everybody. RUSTY Terry, Itm going to ask Daddy take ms to London with him. TEKRY So am I. to 51. LOUISE I thought you weme going ~o the big dsnce with glnmlv Burrows next week. \ I'm no~ talklng ~G him any more. RUSTY Yeah, but are you dancing wlth : ~ him any more? ~ '~ T~EY He and I have phfft. We,re through, wBshed up. LOUISE I get your message. What happenedj ~er~y9 TERRY I slapped him in the puss. RUSTY Gee, Te~ry, now the two of us can go together. And we can. . ~ ' spend a weekend with a~d~ok.~. ~' : . ~ f~THO 1 OOPB ?B,$
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./ \. i TERRY Gee, Mommy, it,s not only the dance. I was godng to get a ~ew fO~l, b~%RGARET Look, ~weetheart, I'ii see that you not only get the new formal but when we get to ~glsnd I'll get you that cashmere sweate~ you wanted too. TERRY, Okaya Mommy, Rusty~ MARGARET how do you feel? RUSTY IL Gosh Mom. Not being in the Chippewas~ a~d not even haVIDg a new bike o~ anything. MARGARET Honeyj they've got wonderful bikes in Emgland. I'll see that Daddy gets you one. LOUISE I can't let 'em get away with it..ge~ here you Junior racketeers.°.° OB'FSTAGE DA~Y OAf~e DANNY Mugs~ kAds. ~]l.~Oi 00?8?86
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( 34. MARGARET In here Dal]ny. DANNY ENTERS, AD LIB GREETINg8 AND K/SSE8, DANNY Look family I've been thinking the whole thing over and I can see where live heed pretty selfish. springing a s~prlse llke thls on you and tea~ing you away from youm friends and aotlvltles. Iris not every man whose wife gets elected to the PTA and whose son ~' i is Inltiated Into the Chlppewaa. • ~ And whose daughte~ gets invited to a dance by Jimmy ~rows SO Ilve straightened out the whole 81tuatlon. llm not going to London. ~- THEY'~ ALL STUNNED. ALL k~IAT? ? ? LOUISE That slt-down dlnne~ Just got back their seats again. MARGARET Dannyj why are~It you ~olng? DANNY (NERVOUSLY) Well, I couldn't So without you. Xtd be too lonesome -- so I cangelled the Palladium. f~I'HO 1 0078?87
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f TERRY (STANDS UP DRAMAT~0ALLY AS BEFORE) Oh no. YOU can't do th~s to me. YOU can,t. DAN~ I can't what? TERRY I give up the most important date of n~ llfe -- X even have a fight. Now llm not going to London. (DP~TICALLY) I won ' t be able to face anybodY. RUSTY Now I have no olut ~o Join. What's gon~a happen to me? DANNY Margaret, do you mind telling me What this is alZ about? MARGarET (SILI~) It's all very simple. He he. In ~act. it's ridiculous. He he he he he. While you were busy cancelllng the trip so you could stay here with us# we were busy th~owlng ou~ plans out of the wIDdow SO wetd go with yOU.,~ 35. 8],'4[. ] OOPBPSB
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i il 36. LOUISE It's all vePy simple, you.re all going someplace only you alnlt got no place to go| Now, wil2 you have your tomato Juice? DANNY Yeah. Pou~ ~t slowly over my hea~° DOOR }~ELL LOUISE ~ITS. ~L%RGARET Wait s mlnute~ Dannyl Maybe ~esse hasn't had time to cancel TEI~I~ Gee, Mother, do you ~himk so? That would be wonderful. DANNY GOF~ TO ~ PHON~. DANNY Keep your flnge~s crossed. Sandy, ~et me B~yant 8-4958. (B~ATHL~SLY) Hello, honeyS is Jesse there9... Oh. ~he~e can I reach him?... Ohl Well, look --- do you know if he cancelled that palladium engagement? (GROANS) He dldl Thank~. HE HANGS U?. THE FA~LY LOOK8 AT HIM ~(PECTANTLY. DANNY - • : He cabled the':oanoellatlon. , ~ : ~ ]I ~ 0 "I 0 0 ? B ? 89
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q A CLOUD OF DEPP~ESSION SETTLES OVE~ THE FAMILY, ENTERS KITCHEN WITH A HAP2J2~ EXPRESSION. JESSE Danny j I... DANNY TURNS ON HIM LIKE A TIGER. DANNY YOU Idlotl Why'd you cancel the Palladium? JESS~ YOU told me tol DANNY (SARCASTICAI~LY) Of oourse I 37. JESSE But I,.. MARGARET HOW Would you llke it if your family changed all their plans to go to London with you and then somebody sancelled the trip? JESSE But I.., TERRy And how do you think I feel? After telling all m~ frlemds .!-~Ji ~i," ~" . • ~ ~ F]T >40 1 00PB?90
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/ 38. RUSTY Uncle Jesse, you goofedl JESSE Wait a mlnute{ What are you Jumping on me fo~? Do you think I wanted to oancel the date? But you told me to - do you think I like 4o see my clients get sued? DANNY Who's getting sued? ~ESSE You are, You'd better find us a cheap lawyer. You,re in trouble. DANNY Wh~t trouble? JESSE Listen to this cablegram from the Palladium, in answer to the cancellation. (READING CABLE- GRAM) "We have a contract. Either Danny Williams plays or We SU~*" DANNY (DELIGHTED) They're gonna sue me if I don't go? MARGARET Ohs Dannyj that,s wonderful{ THE WHOLE FAMILY E~(UDES RAPPINESS6~ THEY RUN AROUND f~ Y~O 1 0078?91
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/ 39. ~ESSE Holy smoke| Youtre gonna be sued and eye,body's happy. DANNY Jesse, cable the Palladium that Danny Williams will open as scheduled. i' • •r• n \ F~E OR R l':~O I OOPB ?92
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40. (TAa) INT, LIVING ROOM - DAY " " ~'~"~k~ MARGARET AND TERRy ARE SITTING ON THE SOFA, 130TH HAVE ONE SLEEVE ROLLED UP AND A SMALl" PLASTER ON THEIR ARMS, DANNY AND JKSSE ARE SIT2~/~G.~ERVOUS- L~ ON ~HE PIANO BENCH. HE GETS UP, GOES ACROSS THE "' ROOM, TAKES A CIG~, LIGHTS IT, GOES BACK TO THE PIANO BEN6"A, PUTS OUT THE CIG~. MARGAR~ Ohj stop being so Jlttez-J, you two. DANNY ~no ' s ~Ittery? MARGARET It isn,t ma~or surgery. It,s Just a shot. TERRY It hamdly hurts at all, honest. Doeto~ ve~hagen is so gentle. He Just rolls up your sleeve,°. Tubs aloohol On yOUr 8~m., * .. ~ " f~ 1-~01 0078?93
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iilii! i ii i li~i i li~i•:i i~i:;ii¸:~: ~ • • • • • 41. DANNY ! i Never mind the ~ory details. HE GETS UP, TAKES ANOTHER CIGARETTE AND LIGHTS IT, MARGARET You.ve got to go througJa with it. Doctor Verhagan was very : kind to come to the house. DANNY PUPS THE CIGARETTE O~T. DANNY How does he know we need shots? MARGARET When you go abroad yo~ have to , :~, have shots, You don't get ~0ur "" ~ "~i~ passport without them, % c THE KITCHEN DOOR OPENS AND RUSTY CO~S OUT WEARING A :~ pLASTER ON HIS ARM AND GRINNING BROADLY. ~ ~' 4 ~ DANNY • : Rustyj are you all right? RUSTY Sure, D~ddy. ~t was ~otb~n~. All Docto~ Verhagan did was roll up mY sleeve,. ,r~b alcohol o~ your arm..takes a long needle... DANNY All rightl details. Never mind the ~ory RUSTY He said to send you might in. [~1 401 00F8?94
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DANNY LOOKS AT HIS WATCH, DAN~Z HOly smoke. Itm late. I have to go to the tailors. Maybe D~'. Verhagan could come back. MARGARET He can't come back. Nowj go on in the~e. RUSTY Come on Daddy. You can hold my hand, DANNY Big deal. Ineed somebody to bold mY hand, DANNY AND JESSE EXITI DOOR OPENS JESSE E~Tf~ GRABS : ~HSTY BY T~ HA~DI ~ITS, • i (PAUSE) MARGARET " Did you ever see suQh babies. TERRY I'm su~prlsed they Went through with it, RUSTY RUSHES IN* RUSTY Mom~v. D~. Verha~an wants to know if you have any smelling salts. FADE OUT ;~]-.%'0 I 007"~3 "~'~c,, . _,
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AS 5R',.,,,-::...-".,, '.:--.' 1 ,:.4 .z ,"3 / • 91~8155 THE DANNY THOMAS SHOW ~Z#BB (68) MA~ ROOM FOR DADDY Subtitle: "The London Palladium" Written By: MAC BENOFF ATe01 00?8?96
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MANE ROOM ~OR DADDY Subtltlel "~ne London Palladi~m" S~TS INT, PLANE INT~ ENGLISH HOTEL SD-4~E LI-4"/~G ROOM I~, PALLADIUM STAGE I~T~O 1 OOPH29 ~
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MAKE ROOM FOR DADDy Subtitle: "The London Pallad~n" FADE IN: INT. PLANE - NIGHT ONE SIDE OF TBR pLANE HAS BEEN MAD~ UP I~O BE~THS~ THE CURTAINS PULLED. DANNY, MARGARET, RUSTY AND TERRY OOME DOWN THE AISLE WITH JESSE. DANNY IS LOADED DOWN WITH HAND LUGGAGB° EVEN THE 0HILDREN AND MARGARET HAVE A SMALL BAG. ONLY JES~HA8 NO LUGGAGE. MARGARET Oh, Danny, here we all a~e goin~ on a m~velous v~c~tlon to England and all you=re do~e is wo~ryl DANNY Some vacation X'__~m going to have. Eight shows a week at the Palladlt, n and how do I know the English will dig my material? A couple of my Toledo Jokes and they,ll beat me with their monoclesl With lifted plnkies ~t I RTH01 OOPBP99
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JESSE Nowa Dannya wall you stop it? 01' Uncle Jesse says you'll be a smasher, l'm not worried. Margaretj are you worried? MARGARET Of ~ourse not. JESSE Terry, are you worried? TERRY Not at all, JESSE See thats Danny? Youlre in{ RUSTY llm worried. JESSE (INDICATING RUSTY) Danny -- I told you it was a mistake. Even at half farel... Now hold it -- here are your seats. DANNY Just in time. I1m beatl Lugglng these all the way across the airport. (TO MARGARET) Here,s your overnight bag. MARGARET Thatts not mine. DANNY No? ~m ATIq01 00,"8799
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3. JESSE (HEARTILY) Well, well, so thatls what happened to the little rascall ThatIB mlnel Been looking all over for itl DANNY GI~ AT HIM. DANNY That little rascal must weigh a good forty-flve poundsl How come you didntt notice it sooner? JESSE I owe it all to clean living and dirty thinking, HE TAKE~THE BAG. THEY AREALLTAKINGTHEIRSEATS, JESSE Now, why donlt you relax and try to enjoy yourself? Just think, tonight youlre in New York, tomo~ow you111 be in London, after dreaming your way across the Atlantic. Lindbergh never had it so good. MARGARET You did get the berths for us, dldnlt you, Jesse? JESSE Well, things were a little tight but you know old Uncle Jesse. r 6~T~01 0078800
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DANNY I sure do and Iim worried all over again. JESSE I got us three berths, DANNY For five people? JESSE No problem. One of you can sleep with Rusty and one with TerrY. DANNY That leaves one great big comfortable berth for one great big comfortable agent. JESSE But think how lonely fill be. DANNY You'll be even lonelle~ with one less cllent~ MARGARET Oh, Danny, it's only for one night, I dontt mind sleeping with Terry. with Rusty? dol Well, Do you mind sleeping RUSTY DANNY itls even-steven. 4. ATMOI 0028801
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TERRY I think it'll be cosy. Mother and I flying the Atlantic together.., in a double ber~hl DANNY 0 pioneersl.., and I'Ii have that little lobster crawling over me all night. Tomorrow X got a rehearsal and I don~t even k~now what I'm going to rehearse, JESSE Look, donlt I always take care of everything? I even hired an English writer to do some special matePlal for you, Noel CowardWs brotherl MARGARET Noel Coward doesnlt have a brother, JESSE I know but the price was right... so Stop worryingj D~rk~y. Theylll love you. The English are a very friendly people. Now, X better leave you happy cha#acters and go to my seat, TERRY Arenlt you sitting with us? RT:~01 00?8802
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6, JESSE No, I got myself a Beat further back and I better get there fast and hustle up some new clients. HE LEAVES. DANNY AND MARGARET HAVE TAKEN THEIR SEATS. DURING THE ABOVEj FRA~N~ JACKSi A CRUSTY OLD ENGLISH- MAN, HAS MADE Hm~ WAY DOWN THE AISLE AND STA~S OVER DANNY. HE CARRIES A NEWSPAPER. JACKS (TESTILY) If I may be Be bolda sir.., that upon which you sit ... is mine. DAm I1m sorry but that upon whleh I slt has been mine all my life. JACKS I shall disregard the anelent witticism and repeat.., that ~s my seat, sir. I left it for a mor~nt to Beoux~ thIB newspaper, DANNY NOj noj must be some mistake+ You see we're all together -- these four seats -- they,re for my family. JACKS (EXTE~ING HIS TICKET) Seat G-3. You ar_e ~amiliar with the alphabet, are you not? DANNY LOOKS AT HIS TICKET. ATe01 002B80S
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DANNY (TO MARGARET) HOW do you llke that? Jesse dld~It eveB get tha___~t straight. Mine is the next seat up. (TO JACKS) You wonlt mind sitting up ahead so we can all stay together? JACKS (STUBBORNLY) Oh, wonlt I? RUSTY (TO JACKS) Gee whiz, what difference could it make to you? JACKS It is a matter of principle, young man. DO you understand? RUSTY I sure do. Youlre an old grouchl JACKS I know. I revel in it. (TO DANNY) Will you move or shall I have the stewardess throw you bodily out? DANNY (TO MARGARET) Who was it told me the Ezlgllsh were a very frlendly people? My pal -- Jesse the Gonlfl JACKS The seat, siN. 7. RI'~O 1 00?8804
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MARGARET (sMILING) Oh, Danny, you might as well humor him add give him the seat. I admire hls spirit. JACKS That,s one advantage of being an old man. You can be admired for doing all the terrlble things you didn't have the courage to do in your youth. DANNY (GETTING TO HIS FEET) Well, Rusty will never face that problem -- he does 'em all now. (~ MOVES TO THE OTHER SEAT) It.s all yours. JACKS (SEATI~D HIMSELF) Thank you. RUSTY Hellot M~. Old Groueht MARGARET F~styl RUSTY (TO JACKS) You better be careful how you t~Ik to my Daddy. He's Danny Williams. Hels a grest aotor and hels goln~ to tell Jokes at the London Palladiuml 8. ATe01 00P8005
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JAOEB Is he indeed? I well remember the last Amerioan oomedlaD I saw at the Palladium... as I reoalls the audienoe thDew the seat cushions at him. MARGARET An ~ audlenoe did that? JAOKS Yes. Of oouPse, it WaS PIEht after We lost ~dla. DANNY MaTgaret, oould we Eet off this plane and Just go home and read a copy of ~? MARGARET Oh, Danny~ relax. RUSTY (TO JACKS) YOU know, Mr. Old Grouch, I like you. JACKS HOW on earth can you? I~m a eantankerous, irritable old man and 7'11 thank you to let me stay that way. RUSTY You didn't ~eall~ want that seat, did yoU? 9m ATe01 00?8806
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JACKS Suppose I dldnlt? RUSTY you made Daddy move 4ust ~o be mean. didn.t you? sometimes _I llke to be mean~ too. ~ makes me feel all good inside. JACKS Ah, but you llke $0 be mean beoa~se you,re so young.., and X llke %0 be mean beoause I.m so old. SO X must work h~rder at it than you. RUST~ I bet I can be meaner to DaddF than you canl DANNY If this is a oompetitlon, the~e,s no silver Cup for the wi~Derj you knowl MARGARET Rustys be quiet for a while. STEWARDESS ' S VOICE (ON P.A.) Paeten your seat beltsl DANNY YOU can say that again -- we got two Rusty's ahoardX E~gland, here we o~ne -- ready or notl AS THEY FASTEN THEIR BELTS. DISSOLVE TO* 10. ATNO~ 0078807
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11. INT. PLA~ - NIGHT MOST OF THE SEATS ARE ~PTY NOW. JACKS HAS A BLANKET PULLED UP AROUND HIS ~NEES SEATED ALO~ IN THE SEAT. RUSTY, IN HIS pAJAMASs 0~ DOWN THE AISLE TOWARD HIS BERTH. }~ STOPS. RUSTY Mr. Old Grouoh -- ? JACKS What is i% young ohap? RUSTY Aren't yo~ going to ~et undressed and get into your berth? JACKS I don't have a berth. RUSTY Oh -- did your agent louse you ups ~007 RI"H01 OOFBBO8
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12. JAOKS No, young one. I don't have an agent. Although there was a day when I did. And enough money for a b~rths also. RUSTY But how a~e you going to sleeps e ~CKS (CONFID~IALLy) I'm too mean to sleep. I llke to stay awake nights, thinking terrible thoughts. RUSTY So do I -- but I always fall asleep just when I,m thinking about burning down the aohool. JACKS Oh, the awful frustration. And you can't count on dve~nR about it, either. HE YAWNS. RUSTY You look awful tired to me. JAOKS Well,perhaps I will bed down. JACKS TRIES TO ADJUST HIS PILLOW PROPERLY AND MOVES IT AROUND IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT POSITIONS, BUT FINDS IT DIFFICULT TO FIND A SPOT, RUSTY HAS BEEN WATCh- ING HIM AND JACKS STOPS KS HE SEES THIS. ATe01 0029809
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RUSTY You remlnd ~ of when Iwas invited on an overnight hike with a c~b soout troop. The ground was herd and I did~,t sleep at at1. JACKS In other words, my prospects for the night are very poor. RUSTY I have a good idea. Why don't you sleep wlth~ Daddy? JACKS Thank you but I~m afraid that would be 8 bit too Orowded. RUSTM My Daddy won't mlnd. oompa~yo Not in bed, He likes JACKS X assure you. Goodnight. (TRIES TO REARRANGE HIMSELF AND GROANS ) Ohhhhh. RUSTY I have a better idee. JACKS Yes? RUSTY My Daddy end I oen sleep here and yo~ can take our place. 13. Fl'r F(O 1 00P88 lO
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JAOKS (LOOKS AT HIM) You'd better be oare~l. You,ll get yourself ° all out of praetloe in how to be meano DANNY E~ ~-~ BATHRC~Eo DANNY O.K,, Rues. Let,s get in the berth. ~ly dePOt orswl all over me llke a lobsterl RUSTY Daddy, I have an idea, DANNY What? ~UST~ I asked F~o 01d Orouah to sleep in our berth. DANN~ The three of us? RUSTY NO, we'll ~leep here. I already gave him my place, Daddy. JACEB And I politely refused the offer. RUSTY But hels awful tired. A~d hels a very old grouch° DANNY IS EXASP~AT~ AND EF~ARRASSED. 14. RTH01 007BBll
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NOt Oh. JACKS DA~ JACKS If ¥ou~ ooneolenoe ls troubling yous I Can go and be ~o¢~o~able SOm@p~oe wh~rQ yo~ osnl~ 6ee rr~o DANNY LOOKS AT HIM~ ~ GETS OUT OF THE B~I~. DANNY T OUgh~ tO be doing a lot of work o~ ~ 8ors a~yway# 8o why don'~ you l$e down In there £or a while? JACKS DOn't be klnd~ ~. Wiliness° It's not In oharaoter° DANNY (8~) What's the matter with you? ~ a~e ~o~ mad at the world ~o~? You'~e a tired o~d man. C~n~ ~omeboO.y be de<~en'~ to you wl~hout yo~ bltl~g h$s head o~? Is that the w~ they ~al~e you In ~gland? THERE IS A PAUSE° JACKS Q~S TO HIS FEET° 16. ATe01 0078~ 12
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JACKS Thsnk you, Mr. Williams. I didn,t realize my aotlons would reflect upon m~ country.., but you'r'e perfeotly right, they do. I aooept your offer, DANNY Okay, Then olimb in. JACKS You're really a very kindly person. DANNY (UNCOMFORTABLY) Let's not get sloppy about it. I might; change my mind. JACKS I'd ~orgotten there was kindness. YOU see, I went all the way to America to surprise my daughter and son-ln-law.., but I just seemed to be in the way so I decided to go hc~ne.., six thousand miles to end up Just where I s~arted. Well... as we used ~o say In the army,.. Itls a lone way to Tippemamy. HE CLIMSS INTO ~ HERE. 17. Q ATH01 0078813
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18. DANNY It sure is. You Just go to sleep and wake up as mean as you want to. You sure got a ~ight. JACKS DISAPPEARS E~HIND ~E CURTAIN. DANNY SITS DOWN* T~RE IS A COMMOTION P~IND TKS CURTAIN AND JACKS STICKS HIS }~AD OUTj WITH RUSTY'S RIGHT BEHIND IT. JACKS (INDIGNANTLY) How oan 7 sleep with ~hls 1obs~er crawling all over me? RUSTY I was dpamir~ I WaS b~rDIDE down ~he sohooll DANNY GETS TO HIS ~-~T. DANNY Cc~e on, Rus~y. I got JUSt %he plaoe for you tonight. HE TAEF~S RUSTY DOWN ~ AISLE AND SHOVES HIM THROUGH A CURTAIN. JESSE STIGKS HIS ~ OU~ INDIQNAN~LY, JESSE Hey[ Wbatss the ideal DANNY You're my agenta aren,t you? That's ten peroent of %he family[ HE PULLS THE CURTAINS AROUND JESSE AND MOVES BAOK TO HiS SEAT, HE SITS DOWNa ADJUSTS THE P~# PULLS UP THE BLANkeT. DISSOLVE TOz AT~Ol OO?B814
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19. I~'~. ENGLISH HO'fE~ SUITE I~N8 ROOM - DAY MARGARET HI~IE~ ACROSS ~E ROOM AS THE DOOR BUZZF~ RINGS. SHE OPE~ THE DOOR, REVEALINO A WAI~, STEPS IN, OLOSING THE DOOR. WAITER You rang, Madam? MARGARET What? %~ho, rues Ifm so~p but -- DOOR BUZZER RINGS AGAIN. MARGARET E~OU ~e r~e, S}~ CROSSES AND OPENS THE DOOR, R~ALLNG ~ MAID. MAID what ls it, Mum? SHE STEPS IN, CIDSING ~ DOOR° MARGA~ W~m~ As what? ATe0100?BBI5
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MAID YOU buzzed for the maida did you not? MARGARET No I THE DOOR B~ZZER RINGS AGAIN. MARGARET OPENS THE DOOR, REVEALING THE POR~ER* PORTER Po~ter is he~e~ Mada~o MAROARET Now, just a minute -- Itm not used to Brltlsh hotels -- what made you think I wanted you? WAITER If madame will permit me to point out -- you have three buttons by the telephone there -- one fo~ the ws~ter, one for the maid, one for the porte~° MAID And th~ylve all bee~ p~essed~ Mum. MARGARET Oh, no, they haven=t, llve been ~Ight here all the time. PONT~R There.s another set of buttons in the bedroom# ma'am. 20. RTH01 0078816
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21. MARGARET NOW it begins to dawn, Thank you, thank you very much. Uh -- (S~ TAKES OUT SONS COINS AND MANSS THEM TO THEM) I don't happen to need a maid, a porteP or a waiter right now, but I'Ii let you know if any~hlng comes upl Stay on you~ toes: ALL T~ank youa Madame, THEY WITHDRAW. MARGARET CROSSES TO BEDROOM. MARGARET Terryl you ~on~ out hotel TERRY COMES OUT OF BEDROOM. TERRY Mother, did they really come? It's llke Aladdin rubblng hls lamp I MARGARET A fine Aladdlnl Thet cost me three shillinss ~h~upponoe and I don't even know how much that is] I don't even know how to say thruppenoe[ Nex~ time I catch you p~essing those buttons, young lady -- THE DOOR BUZZER RINGS. MAROARET CROSSES AND OPENS IT, REVEALING MAIDw WAITER AND PORTER, / RTH01 002881?
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~ARBT Oh, nol PORTE yOU ranga mafam? MAID We were On our tO~Ss matamo MARGARET Not this time -- I was watohing both the living room and the bedroom# so there must be some mistake. WAITER (}~ COUGHS DELIOATELY) If madame will permit me to mention it... there are also buttons in the bathroom. MAR@ARET (sHo~) susTzl (s~ OI~ES THEM A HANDFUL OF 00INS) Here. l'd like to Open a drawing aooount, This is going to be a busy week, Thank you very muoh, ALL Thank yo~, ma'aln, THEY WITHDRAW AS RUSTY ENTERS. RUSTY l pressed all the buttons but I didnlt Eet any ~. 22. RTX01 0028818
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23. MARGARET You'll get more than gum from me, young manl ~ur father'll be back from a long rehearsal and he's going to want to rest, so why don,t you ohildren go down to the reading room for a while? And don't press anythlnSl RUSTY How will we get the elevator? MARGARET Try mental telepathy. SHE HUSTLES THEM OUT, HEAVES A SIGH. SHE GROSSES TOWARD THE TELEPHONE, STARES AT THE BUTTONS, FASCIN- ATED. TENTATIVELy SHE REASHES OUT A HAND, THE DOOR BUZZER RINGS, MARGARET (QUICKLY) I didn't touoh 'eml I didn't touch .eml SHE RECOVERS, GROSSES TO THE DOOR AND OPENS ITS REVEALING A DEJECTED DANNY. MARGARET Oh, hello, deer. Ifm SO glad you're not the maid! DANNY Yeah, her husband must be kind of happy, too. What's this all about? MARGARET Oh, nothing, I'm just getting used to this hotel. How did the rehearsal go? RT~01 0078919
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DANNY For the first time in hlstory, an actor lald an ~glish crumpet. I don,t even want to tslk about it. MAR@ARET Ohs it oouldnlt have heed as bad as that. DANNY It was like them 10st India aga~. Itm going to li~ doW~, PU~ EXITS INTO BEDROOM6 BEFORE MARGARET CAN ~OLLOW, THE DOOR BUZZER RINGS, MARGARET CROSSES AND OPENS THE DOORI REVEALING JESSE. JESSE Wha$-hoI old glrll Thot~hb l~d drOp in for a sDot of oolong and a gin and Elngerf (EWI~CH) How oan they dr~nk thst stuff? Is the Old MastQr here? MARGARET Yes, with a faoe a mile long. Jesse, was the ~shearssl that bed? JESSE Donrt pump me. MARGARET Wa_~slt? AI"~O'I 0078820
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JESSE Let's say I kept praylng for the foe to close in,.. ~Ii thase Englishman seated a~ound the stmge, giving him the flsh-eye... Danny kept zingin, in rhone n~w Jokes we paid a lot of money fo~ ... but nothin'. And I mean no,blDg. Complete silenoe. Yom Kippur in Westmlnlster Abbey. MARGARET Well, I know Danny,ll do fine when he gets a real audience. You k"now hoW depressed he gets by things like that. Why don,t you cheer him up -- glve him a 11Stle ooDf Idenee ? JESSE SuPe. Maggies you k~ow me, Jesse She Joy~oyl MARGARET fill go down and see how the klds are doL~g -- you do your best, wonft you? JESSE I'ii have him baok on Olo~d SeVen in no timel MARGARET Thanks. You,re a doll. 25. ATe01 0078821
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z6. SHE KISSES HIMi JESSE Easy, lady, easy. "Thou ehalt ~ot covet thy ollent's w~e." MARGARET LAUGHS AND EXITS~ JESSE CROSSES TO BEDROOM DOOR. JESSE (CALLING) Hey, Danny-boy, oc~e on out here. Got some great news fo~ youl A DEJECTED DANNY COMESOUTOFTHEBEDR00M, MIXINGA BROM0. Dmn~ The Palladium b~rned down? ~ESSE No, no, Just talked to V~I Parnell~ yo~ ~ow, he runs the place, and he thought that was a gmeat re~srsal. Loves all your new material. B~t love_..__~s it. Says your open~g,l~ be the s~eatest moment ~D~Dd h~ bed since the man from Schweppes discovered blue blades| DANNY Jesse, you're a li~ro JESSE (COLLApSINO) Yeah and what's more, I,m awful at it. I~ T:~O 1 00?8822
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DANNY That run through was mlsereble. I got a headaohe now, I feel so terrible about it. JESSE Yo_~u feel terrible? I'll match ~headaohe with yours any dayl (TAE~SBROMOFROM DANNY AND DRINKS) Even ~he bromo ~astes like tea here. DANNY It,s that new material -- all that English stuff -- maybe as ~oon as I get to k~ow it betters I oan -- JESSE IS SKAKINO HIS HEAD~ DANNY No? JESSE In this oountry# they've beheaded people for less. DANNY Well, how about that English song -- if I rehearse sc~e more -- JESSE (SHAKING HIS HEAD) You'll never get those bluebirds over the white eliffs of Dover.,, z7. RT~01 00?8823
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28, DANNY Well, what do yo~ surest? JESSE HOw ~bout cyanide? DANNY Tha~ bad, h~h? ~F.SaE They don't die you herej Danny. You're going to w~k out on thst sta~e openlng nlgh~ and the only way you~ll ~et off ~ alive iB ~o haVe P~i~o~s8 Margaret aDnou~oe you~ eng~em~n%. DAN~Y S~NKS INTo A CHAIR. ~8SE P~CKS UP A GLASS OFF T~ CO~FE~ TABLE AND POi~S ~ALF ~ BROMO ~M20 IT. }~ HANDS X~ TO DANNY. JESSE ~hee~s° THEY DR~NK. THE DOOR BbT~ZS~ RIN~S, DANNY OK~S AND WEgRIDy OFE~S ~ ADMZ~INS MARGAP~° MAR~AK%~ (OI~RILY) Well~ the ohild~n to F~d~ P~rk to play~ the sun has oome o~t ~nd~ Dsn~¥~ I see Fo~Ir@ u~ ~nd abou~ aga~nJ (~0 J~SaS) Thank you, ~oy Boyl DANNY Mag~le..° we,re ~n~ home. ~T~o? 0028824
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29. MARGARET DANNY LoOk~ I thOUght I Oould stlek it o~t but Jssse COnV~CQd me it's hopeless° JESSE (EDGING TO THE DOOR) Exouse me -- I go~ an appolntment at ~he Tower of London to have Y~y ~hro~ MARGARET (QLARINO AT HIM) I know where you oan ge~ $~ do~e oheaper° Tha~=s wha~ I=m afrald o£° Goodbyes all. EXXTS R~RRIEDLY. MARGARET CROSSES TODANNYo MARGA~ Thatls ~he way St is? DANNY Honeys I dont~ ~ow how ~o expla1~ it°°° but Iive had th~s fee1~g ever Binge we s~edo~. ~o~ody knows me here°~° a~d wha~Is wo~sej I don,t ~c~ow them° I don,~ k~ow ho~ ~o ge~ to them° What,s a saloon oamlc f~om~oledo doing in A~ho~y ~de~f~ back yard? (MOB) RT~01 0028825
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DANNY (CONT'D) They don'% even uDdeMstand ~e when I say "Hello°" It took me two hours to Eet a number on the telephone° I'm supposed to know that Chiohestershlre II00 is,,, (BRITISH) ... Oheshi~ Double-One Double-Naught? Itm supposed to make these people lauEh? They got me hysterloall MARGARET (SY~A~ETIOALLY) ]Bad as that? DANNY Worse, l'm Dot Just tired end depPessedj Ma~le, I=m soaped, SHE LOOKS AT HIM, MARGARET Okay. DANNY Okay what? MARGARET Okay, so we go home. DANNY It's all right? MARGARET It's more than all right, I think it was about four seems and seven years ago I married you for better Or awf~l. I don't mind (Mo ) 30. RTX01 O07BB26
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f MARGARET {CaNT'D) telling you I was figuring on maybe four seore years of awful and the rest kind of medium... but you fooled me. l've had it more better than a gi~l had any right to... so I1m no% gonna hollar "0opper" now. DANNY I don't understsnd yo~P EnEllsh so goodt either, but I think I should say, "Thsnks." MARGARET You J~st go oall the Palladi~ and oanoel out. Maybe we oan Eet a plane out tomorrow sc~ne%Imo. And do~.t worry -- I'll explain it to the kidss too. DANNY HAS OR0~SED TO T~ TELEPHONE. DANNY Maggie, yo~'re WOnderful, MARGARET I K'now but it's sometimes diffioult tO oonvinoe the audienoe. DANNY T'm oonvlnoed right now, (INTO PHO~) Operstor, oould y~2 get me Mr. V&I Paz~ell st the Palladlt~?... (MORE) 31. ATKOI 002882?
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What?,,, JUSt 8 minuteI I have it riaht hare. (TA~.S OUT CARD~ LOOKS AT IT) Dorohestershire 0066.., Wha%%,o Dorchestershire 00661 ... Dorchestershire: • o. DORCHESTERSHIRE| ,j, (SPELLING) D-O-R -- MARGARET TAKES THE PH0~ FROM HIM, MARGARET (I~"~O PHONE) Dorshire double- naught double-slx. Right-ho. Bang this phone when you reaoh it. ~henk yol (S~ HANGS UP) She'll call when she gets him. DANNY (STARING AT ~s AWED) What would I do without you? S~ KISSES HIM, MARGARET I don'% intend to let you find out o DISSOLVE TO: 32. ATH01 0078828
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33. IN~ H(~EL LIVING ROOM - NIGHT DANNY HAS A BAO OPEN ON A C~AIR AND IS CARRYING CLOTHES OUT 0F THE BEDROOM AND PLACING ~M IN THE BAG, T~E DOOR BUZZER RINOS. HE CROSSES TO IT AND OPENS IT, REVEALING JACKB AND ANOTHERS EVEN OLDER, ENGLISHMAN, HARRY HARGREAVES6 JACKS Mr. Williamsl Row'd Ja do. Hope I'm not disturbing yo~, slrl DANNY No, no -- oome right in, Mr. 01d -- sorry~ I don't think I ever di__dd get yo~ name° JACKS Itts Frank Jal~os b~t I don't mind a bit if you oall me 01d 0rouoh° Rather like It. And this is Osptaln IA~ry IA~greaves~ I~ old oo~ade from the days when we were savlng" England from the Hun. ~TH01 00?8829
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15. DANNY Rusty, you better get to sleep. JACKS I egree. RUSTY ButS Daddys you don't want to sleep with me and I don't want to sleep with you. He'll be dolnS ~s a big favor. DANNY Rusty, don,t do us such big favors, come on. Ooodnisht. HE PUSHES RUSTY IN THROUGH ~ CURTAINS OF THE AND CLI~3S IN AFT~ HIM. JACKS PU~ HIS SEAT BACK AS FAR AS IT WILL O0 AND TRIES TO MAKE HIMSED~ COM- FORTABLE° DANNY PEERS OL~ OF THE BERTH AT HIM, STRUG- GLING WITH HIMSELF. JACKS DROPS HIS pILLOW, PICKS IT UP, TRIES TO FIND A SPOT TO REST HIS HEAD. DANNY (~IMALLY) YOU see, I got to rehearse tomorrow. That's why I need my sleep. JACKS Please d~t apologize. I should hate to have to lesvn to like you.., besides, I'm perfectly all ~l~ht. BV9 ITIS OBVIOUS }~ ISNITo DANNY WITHDRAWS, A M0~, HE POKES HIS HEAD 05~ AGAIN. DtmWY (HOPEPUI~) YOU sleeping? AI'NO 1 00?8830
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DANNY (SHAKING HAMS) How do you do, Captain Hargreaves. (HE LOOKS AT HIM) Haven,t I seen you someplace before? HARQREAVES Indeed you have, sir. I'm the stage doorman at the Palladium. DANNY Oh. (HE LOOKS AWAY) What can I do for you, Mr. Jacks? JACKS Well, Mr. Williams, you know how I was a bit down in the mouth when I first returned to London ... then I looked up IArrY and sc~e others from the Home Guards and they gave me a blt of what-for and bucked me up and I wms wondering if you could help us get lem some good seats to see your opening performanae? I want be treat the boys to a bit of a good show. DANNY RETURNS TO HIS PACKING. DANNY Well, it'll probably be a very good show because I'm net going to be in it. 3~. F~T :~01 O0;'8B S I
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HARRY (AS IF ASTOUNDED) What? You're not going to be in it? Well, this is a bit of a stunner~ this isl DANNY STARES AT HIM, DANNY Oh, y~u kneI~ it all the time, hub? JACKS there you go with Now, 'Arty, your over-aetln, and you've given the whole bloomin' thing away. DANNY I guess it must be all over London by now. Danny Williems is ducklng out. Well, I d~n~t care who knows it. JACKS 'Arty told me about that rehearsal of yours. Bloody awful, wasn't it? DANNY The worst spot I've ever been in. Waterloo with ome-liners. 35. ATM01 00~8832
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HARRY Mr. Williams, X been around the Palladium for many years so if you d~'t mi~d I'd like to give you a bit of advice. Seems to me Mr. Parnell signed you for our theatre beoause he liked what he saw you do in America. And he told everybody how magnifloent you were. Blimey, you oould have knocked me over when I heard you carry on like you were Noel Coward ~r Gra¢ie Fields or I don't know whet all. Y~l~e about as B~itish as an ~amburger on a bun -- end if I was you, I'd be proud of it and be myself and give us Britishers a ehanoe to like you. DANNY Thank you, Sir George Jean Nathan. JACKS Zf you tur~ and r~n now, my boyt they'll never ask yOU baoko 36. AT:~O I 00F8833
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DANNY That's fine with mel I'm not walking out on any stage where I don't stand a prayerl Twenty- five hundred Englishmen against one lonesome Lebanese from Ohio. I can get better odds for Jumping off %he Brooklyn Bridge. B~sides, what business is it of yours? JACKS I'll tell you what business it ist Mro Young Grouch. I'd like to return a favor you did me. NOWj Wasn't it one of your American Presidents who said~ "We have nothing to fear but ~ear itself"? DANNY If that was Abraham Lincoln, look what happened to him in a theatrel JACKS Mr. Willlams... I can remember a darker day than you ever saw... when ~Arry and I were huddled in a bomb shelter listening to a radio.., and Mr. Winston Churchill was telling us that the British Arn~ WaS surrounded at Dunkirk 37. ATe01 007883z~
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"g JACKS (CO~T'D) and being driven into the sea... these islands We loved WO~ alone and defenseless.., and the German Army was preparing to leap across the English Ohennel and swallow us all in one gulp..o HARGREAVES That's right, sir. It was a bit sticky, as you might say. JACKS But what did Mr. Churchill say? He said, (G~ EXAOT QUOTE} "We shall fight them on the beaches... we shall fight them in the streets ... with tanks and ~ns and sticks and stones~ if need be... we shall fight them and throw them back in such a way.., that if England shall endure for a thousand years,., men will still say... 'This was her finest hour'. DANNY I remember that speech. JACKS Oh, it was a fine speecha until 'Arty looked st me and said -- you remember what it was, 'Arty? 38. RTX01 00PB835
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I saidj them?" HARGREAVES "Franko.. who will fight JACKS And I seidj "Well, :Arvy, the whole az~,y.s trapped in France, he mu~t mea~ yo~ and ~I"°°o And that'~ what he di__dd mean.., me and 'A~2M and the Home Guard... half of 'em pushing sixty and the ~est too old to push.., end we all marched out and down to the be~ohes where they'd strung the barbed wire.., there weren't many of us ... from Bvlghten to Shoredlteh, eight end a h~If miles, you know, who was guarding B~itain f~c~ the German Weh~maeht ? DAN~ Who? JACKS vArry add me... and IA~Py had a pitchfork a~d I hed a piece of iron fence.., end we stood there on the bee0h that night end by Heeven, if theyrd come over we wo~Id have beaten them hack Into the sea... b~t you k~ow soc~tblng? They never came.., me and IAP~y seamed them off. (Mo ) 39. R'I')~O 1 00?8836
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i/ JACKS (CONT ' D) A~d we weren't brave men~ ,Arty and me. But there,s some things you got to face up to if you want to live with yourself the rest of yo~r life.., so yo~Ire not Just running out on the Palladium, Mr, Williams... it,s a whole lot moreo.e DANNY (SUBDUED) You mean.., we might lose the next war? JAOKS Yeuknow wha~ I mean. SO you might as well walk out on that stage and face .em, llke 'Arty ands. DANNY LOOKS ATHIM, TELEPHONE. HE CRC~SES AND PICKS UP THE DANNY Operator... where is that oall to Mr. Val Parnell at the PalladiUm... What?... (HE P~SITATES, THEN BRAVELY) Dovshire double-naught double- six. (~ I~STENS, SMILES; TO JACKS) What do you know -- I'm learning to speak E~gllshI DISSOL~ TO: 40. ATHOI OOPBB3?
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INT0 PALLADIUM STAGE - NIGHT DANNY DOES A 00UFLE O~ HIS PAMILIAR AMERICAN JO~ TO TREF~WDOUS APPLAUSE, DANNY Thank you.., you're really a wonderful audience tonight. You laugh at everything they laugh at dn Toledo. All I e~n say Is, Noel Coward,s brother is now out of a ~ob... NO'~ l,d llke to sing a song for an old grouoh I met on the plane coming over.., he's here tonight with a b~neh of old characters who used to hang around the seashore but they never went Ix the water,.. Oompany F of the Pimlioo Hc~e Guard. DANNY SINGS A ~. APPLAUSE. DISSOLVE T0! ATHO1 0078838 II
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THE ARERIOAN TOBACCO COI~PANY TV O0~RCIAL #143 - FUN ~evise PALL ][ALL F~2~OUS OAGIREETES On MINDTE OPEN ON LONG SHOT OF WATER SKIER SPEEdIEr] CI~PPELLI (v,o,) Skimming over the OVER WAVES BKHINO NOTCH BOAT, APPROACHING water at thirty knots - and then +,, JUHPI NO pLATFOP~ CUT TO PRETTY CLOSE SHOT OF SKIER AS HE GLIDES UP JUMPING FLATEOT~+i CUT TO ~DIUM SHOT AS I'~N HITS WATER AFTER JUMP CUT TO SKIER AS RE CLI~/BS ABOARD I+iOTOR BOAT. GIRL GP~ETS HIM CUT ~'0 CU AS SHE OFFERS pALL I[~LL AND LIGHTS IT FOR HIM. CO~ IN CLOSE TO HI~ S['~OKING F~TCH BIBS TO LON}A~ SHORY CIGS WITH SMC~(E ARROWS PASSING THEU BALL ~LL. NAME "PALL HALL" ABOVE POP ON "LO~}ER" BELOW CI~S~ IN SYNC ~TH "LONGER". TAKE 01~ A~TEN "FURTHER" DISS TO TOBACCO LEAF +%1~ DROP IS TWO MORE LEAVESj ONE AT A T~4E, POP ON "FINER" BELOW LEAVCS IN SYNC. TAKE OUT AFTER "BUY" DISS TO PALL MALL WITH AP~.G'!S,NA}~ "PALL MALL" ABOVE POP ON "MILDER" IN SY~'C !~TH "MILDER". TAKE OUT AFTER "DELICIOUS'r. CIG SHRI~I~{S ON "PUFF AFTER PUFF'+ CUT TO BOY AND GIRL, BOTH SMOKING SEATED AT TABLE ON PATIO-LIKE VIEWIND AR~A, LOOKING T~AP~ SEA, WAT~k SKIING IN BG PAN D~N TO PACK ON TABLZ ALONGSIDE ASH TRAY WITH i'~RING lioTIF SUPER WORDS: "OUTSTANDIND ... AND rilEY ARE MILD l" ,,, a perfect Jump ,+, ,.. a perfect landing - smooth, graceful, thrilling, JIi~DLE: Donlt miss the fun of smoldng DonVt miss the fun of ~moklng Mildness is a pleasure wlth PELLMELLI HARRICE: (V.O.) Yes, mildness is something youenJovwithPELL MELL, CNATPELL: (V.O,) FELL ~LLs ... .,. are longer. Their greater length of fine tobaccos travels the smoke further - filters the smoke and makes it mild. HARRICE: But you ~e%more than Bre~ter length° PEEL M~LL tobaccos are finer - the finest quality money can huy~ And remember - fine tobacco is it~ own best filter, ~ou g~t a natural self. filtering ac~ioa - - that makes your PEEL IigLL milder - so miLd~ so ~ool, and ~o dmiicious~ tastes freshly-lit puff afte~ puff, CHAFPELL~ So donlt miss the fun of smoking| HAREICEs Mildness i~ a ~ with FELL ~ZLL, CHAPPEL~s Smoke PEEL ~LL Famous Cigarettes. Outstanding,.. RAERICE: And- they are mild~ • +m At"H01 0078839
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lh~. WILLIAMS' HOTEL SUITE LMNG ROOM DANNY, MAR~ARET~ JESSEj RUSTY AND TERRY. LISTENING TO JESSE P2AD THE PApEBS~ JESSE Dazzling ~rray of oomedio pyroteohnios with warmth whioh oompletely enraptured the audlenoe. RUSTY Gee, Daddy, I ~hough% they llked you I MARGAF~2 They didj honey. They loved him. (TO DANNZ) Didn,~ Z tell you you'd be a smashe~? (SWITCH) T guess i~ was %wo other ~uys. ~EY AP2 ATe01 00?8840
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43. DANNY All I had to do was ~op being scared and use my own ma~ePial. "we h~ve nothir~ to fear but fear itsalf"I TERRY Havenqt I beard that 8Qme plaae before? JESSE I think I saw that on the wall of Gypsy ROSe Lee'e dressing room the night her oostume was stolen, THE DOOR BUZZER RINQS. MARGARK~ (G~II~G TO }~ P~) r~ that's the maid add t~ ws±te~ again -- RUSTY Nos they took the b~ttona out of the bathroom. MARGARET OPENS THE DOORI ~ALINO JAOKSj HA~ AND ONE BY ONE, SEVERAL OTHER OLD GENTLE~, WORN BUT ERECT. JAC~ Mr. Williams -- Company F. THEBE ARE STARTLKD AD L7n GReeTINGS. ~AOKS TAKES OUT A SCROLL AND READS IT, A]~01 0028841
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JACKS By uns~Imous Vote,,, for bravery in the faoe o~ the ~oe with the odds against him.., we hereby r~ke o~ Amerioa~ friend a~ honorary r~ember of the Home Guard| P~NB A RI~ON ON HIM~ DANNY Than~ you~ thank you Very m~ah° JACEB A~d for the next time you faoe an a~dle~oe with those Sam~ Jokes -- HARRy CO~S FORWARD AND HANDS DANNY A PXTO~O~ FADE OI~r, ATe01 002BB42
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9125{55 THE DANNY THOMAS SHOW DT #gB (69) "MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitle: "Sonnets From the Lebanese" WRITTEN BY HENRY GARSON AI"HO 1 002'8843
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"MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" DT #9 (69) Subtitle: "Sonnets From The Lebanese" OAS___~T DANNY .................... , ,DANNY ~OMAS MARGARET.. ...... ~f .... , ..... JEAN HAGEN TERRY .................. . ...SHERRy JACKSON RUSTY .................... ,.RUSTY HAMER JESSE .................. .., .JESSE WHITE BARTERER ...... ,,.., ....... L0~ON BOBBY.. ...... , .... ,. sEe___Es INT. LIVING ROOM OF SAVOY HOTEL SUITE INT. ENGLISH PUB INT. ELIZABETH BARRETTIS ROOM RTHOI 0028844
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C; • THE .~fERICAN TOBACCO C0~A~Y PALL ~u~LL FA)iOJS GIGA3JSTFES TV Flu: #Ih6 0)~ MI ~,'TJT E OPEN ON T~JO T~bMPL~IkS, B.~,[~I~S FROM TRUMPETS R?m.DING "PALL MALL" C~T TO I~ARCHI~JG FIGUP~S, $!~;]IN% CAF~YING FLOAT WIiH PALL MALL P~CK CUT TO ANOE~R $~CPIO~ OF PARADE ~TH BANNE~I~ ~LEAJING "S~C~TH", "~ILD" CUT TO CU OF ~CHERS SI~ING CUT TO ~NOTB~R S~!O~ OF P~rC~Ej CARRyI~O STRE~.~.: "ENJOY S~C'~R SMOKING" CUT TO A~IOI'HEk S~CPION OF P~E, W-'~H ~UT TO Ai~O'fHXR S~C~O~J OF EA~A-~B~ BANNERS R~DI.~D: ~'FO~ FR~SRL'f.LIT FLAVOR" CUT TO l~b~ It~}L~RS ~I~ih~ CUT TO ~40 SQUADS O~~ FOOR I'ZN E~CH, CAROLING BANNERS ~DIN'~ "P~%LL ~LL" OFFICER ST~/P$ INTO FOR~IOROU~i:), ~TH PACK O~FICEB SALUTe'S 3~$YoE PAC~ PULL $1Cl: SLIGHTLY TO l![CI;~J~ Sf&2~DA~D PoP IN F~ S~E, WI?H CA~ it~DI,~] (OPZI~NG FA}~A~) (EiIO~US) We ~aroh as we s±~ Of a fin~ olgaretts ,., I%1~ ~moo~h ~nd itls ~ild I%~S th~ bes~ you c~n ~et| En~o7 smoo%her smokln~ - Choose wisely * choose wel For freshly-llt flavor Jus~ msk for p~LL .~SL. Smoke Io~er and finer CEAPOELL~ (V.O.) Don~t miss ths fun of smoking. Mildness is a pleasure with PF~LL I~ELL Famous Cigarettes, ~ P~'ELL: Out ~t ~.ndln~ J I~A~ICE~ And . they ar~ ~ild~ AI"~01 OO288~5
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"MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitle: "Sonnets From the Lebanese" INT. LIVING ROOM OF SUITE AT SAVOY HOTELj LONDON-DAY MARGARET, TERRy AND RUSTY HAVE TRAVEL AND INFORMATION PAMPHLETS SPREAD IN FRONT OF THEM. THE KIDS ARE STRETCHED OUT ON FLOOR. MARGARET IS SITTING ON SOFA. MARGARET There are 8o many places fop us to see while we're over here in EnEland. I dontt know how we're going to get them all in. TERRY WeJve done pretty well so fa~. ItTs going to help me in school when I tell them I1ve seen Westmlnister Abb~y~ No. I0 Downing Street, the Tower of London -- FITHO 1 OO788~6
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RUSTY I llke the London Zoo,,. except for one thing. MARGARET Whatls thats dear? RUSTY The elephants look Just as ~erican as ours, MARGARET (DREAMILY) I dontt know when I was eve~ so moved as yestePday when we visited the home of Elizabeth Barrett Browning on Wimpole Street. TERRY RobePt BPowning CePtainly muBg have loved her. Gee, that was dreamy poetry they wrote to each other. I wish I could get Jimmy Burrows to feel that way about me. RUSTY A girl in my glass wPites poetr~ to me, MARGARET Rustys darllngl l had no idea that sort of thing went on in the third grade. IIii have to out down on your vitamin m-Ilk. 2o Ar~01 0028847
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TERRy What kind of poetry does she write to you, Rusty? RUSTY Oh, all kinds of gooey love stuff llke: Roses are ~ed Violets are blue If you eat worms I will, too. TERRY Oh, boy, how romantlc~n you get? MARGARET Donlt knock iS, Terry. All ~ can say is, thatls more romantic than anything your father has written to me in fourteen years of our marital bliss. RUSTY He loves you, Mo~my. Maybe he Just doesnlt llke to eat worms. MARGARET No, Rusty, I~m a~raid your father is just a lost soul when it comes to poetry and romance. His heart doth not leap up when he beholds a rainbow In the sky.., he JUSt reaches fo~ his 8aloshes. We tve been in En~landj the cradle of (Mo ) 3. RTH01 OOFBB,~8
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MAROARET (CONT'D) poetsj for over two weeks now... and you and I and Terry have been to Elizabeth Barrett Brownlngls, and to Lord Byron's and to the birthplace of Shelly and Keats, and in that time, your father has located three night clubs and eight delicatessens. TERRY Mother, where are we going to go today? RUSTY I~d llke to see Hobln Mood in Sherwood Forest. MARGAF~T Me~s not there now# llm afraid. RUSTY I bet I know where he is. MARGARET Where? Disneyland. RUSTY MARGARET Could be. Maybe wet11 go to Stratford-on-Avon, where Shakespeare was born. ThatWs not too far from London. 4. AT:401 00?8849
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TERRY DO you think Daddytll go ~th us? MARGARET Well, this time he Just might. He has the day off, and after all, your fatherls in show business. He and Shakespeare have a lot in common. Thls should interest him if nothing else does. RUSTY Did Shakespeare play s&loons too? TERRY Of course not, Rusty. Re was one of the Worldls greatest playwright S, MARGARET And one of the worldts greatest poets. You can tell you teacher all aboutvlsitlng hls birthplace. RUSTY Where did he die, Mo~? MARGARET Stratford, darling. DANNY NOW ENTERS FROM BEDROOM. ROBE, EYES ONLY HALF OPEN. 5, }~'S IN pAJAMAS AND ATN01 00?8850
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6. DANNY (SLEEPILY) Good morning. Those darn English birds outside my window woke me up again. MARGARET (WITH aEs~mEs ) "Rarkl Harkl the lark At heaven's gate sings And Phoebus tglns to rise His steeds to, water at those springs On ehaliced flowers that lies And winking Mary-buds begin To ope' their golden eyes; With eye.thinE that pretty is My love~ sweet, arisel griset arise]'i DANNY LOOKS AT HER, SLEEPILY, CLOSES HIS EYES AND FINDS HIS WAY OUT OF THE ROOM. g MOMENT LATER~ HE ENTER8 AGAIN AS BF2gRE. DANNY Good morning. I Just had the craziest dream l MARGARET Oh, Danny, I was Just reciting one of Shakespearels sonnets that seemed to fit the OCCasion. DANNY If thatls how we're 8onna start off the day, it was hardly worth- while for this Mary-bud to ope his golden eyes. 0078851
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7, RUSTY I bet you don~t even know where Shakespea~ died. DANNY If he played Philadelphla~ he probably died the~e. What a tough audience. Where's d breakfast? MARGARET I ordered it. It'll be up. THE CHILDREN RAVE RISEN. TERRy You know where we're golng today? DANNY I don't know where youtre going but Ilm going back to bed. Boy, I've got the day off and am I going to restl RUSTY That's what you think. DANNY LOOKS AT MARGARET, TERRY AND RUSTY SUSPICIOUSLY. DANNY All right, letts have it, Whatls the unholy three cooked up to knock off the old man9 MARGARET Thatls not any way to talk, Danny. Not even in Jest. ATX01 0028852
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DANNY Who's Jesting? Whenever you three are sitting together like this, I'm a gonerl MARGARET This time youWre right. You're going to see Stratford-On-Avon with us today. DANNY Oh. If you only want to go to a movie, all right. Whols in it, Alec Oulness? MARGARET Strat£ord-on-Avon is a city in Warwickshire. Shakespeare:s bimthplace is the~e and so is the birthplace of Anne Eathaway, the lovely girl he mar~led. You might say "Romeo and Juliet" began right there. Itts one of the most romantic spots in all the worlds and we should see it while we1~e here. (MIMICKING) DANNY London is a city. My interest at the moment is to take it easy for a couple days while welre here. WeTre paying a lot of money at the hotel, let's use it. 8, P~T ~01 00?'8853
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M~GAF~ Danny, yo~Ive duoked out on eve~ythlng else llV~ wanted to see while we've been in England but this time you1~e not ~oin~ to. I ¢antt understand you. If I w~re an actorj I'd want to see where Shakespeare was born, DANNY I kn~¢ he Was a pretty fast write~. ~ut no$ my type, You take Shakespeare. Itll take Lou (Fall~In-the-pit) Nelson who ~ote ~ bu~ rout~n~. ~he~e~s a write~I What yocksr When we get baok, Ill1 ta~e you over to B~ooklyn and you can see where he was bo~n. MARGA~T I~ll take you to Phlladelphla a~d you can see where his b~s routine diedl RUSTY DANNY O~ay, so once ~he topped me. Welll change h~ na~e to M~rgaret (Fall-ln-the-pit) Williams. ATH01 00Z885~
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MARGARET Seriously, Danny, you donlt know what you missed yesterday, not going with us to Wimpole Street and visiting Elizabeth Barrett Browning's home. DANNY I had more important things to do with Jesse. MARGARET Oh, yes. Very important. Much more important to see a new vaudeville act, than to vlslt the shrine of ~rrett and Browning. If it was Abbott and Sostello's home, youtd go. DANNY (HOPEFULLY) in England? Do they have a place MARGARET Jessets as bad as you are. I asked him if he wanted to see the changing of the ~u/ard and he said he dldnlt know they played football here. Danny, if you donlt want to go with us, the children and I will go to Stratford alone. Rusty, Terry -- go get d~essed. i0. ATH01 00?8855
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THE CHII~OREN EXIT, DANNY Look, ho~ey, letts stay in town. Jesse and I are going to arrange for my bookings for the provinces, then, after I get through, Illl take you to the Kit Mat Club. The~e~s a new act -- MARGARET Oh, sure. We can soak up a lot of English culture there. They have a strlp-teaser who takes off everything but her monocle. DANNY Why are you ~klng such a fuss about visiting all the dead poets all at once? They're not going any plaoe. The nexb time we come back we'll take a look around. MARGARET YOU always say that, When we went to California, did you see anything? DANNY How could you with the Smog? MARGAI~ET I don't know what ~ou brought us over here for anyway. 11. ~TX01 OOPSB56
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DANNY To applaud. Didnlt you want me to be a hit? MARGARET Dannys I donlt understand you any more. It was a long time ago that we first met.., but I'II neve~ forget the first £1owers you eve~ sent me..°two potted geraniums.., and I kept them because I knew yould paid for them with your last dime. DANNY Well, I wanted you to have fresh flowers every day... MARGARET Re~ember~ We used to walk down by Lake Michigan... and once we sat on the library steps at Northwesterns a~d I read you Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "Sonnet8 ~om th~ Po~tug~ese"o.° THow do I love thee... Let me count the ways... I love thee to the depth and breadth And heigh~ my ~o~I can reach.°°I And when I finished, you know what you said? 12. FITHO 1 00?885?
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DANNY I don't remember. MARGARET You said, "For the first time in my life I wish lid had a college education.., because then I would have known about that.., and I would have mead it to you flrst." ... What happened to the boy who used to talk to me like that? DANN~ Well, for one thing, he grew up and he~s shaving now. MABGAP~ Dannyl DANNY Look, honeys Itts not that I dontt love you as much as I ever did. I Just dldntt think I had to tell you any more. What do you want from me -- poetry? MARGARET Why not? DANNY Okay -- soon as we get home, Itll have Lou (Fall-ln-the-plt) Nelson write you some. 13. f~TH01 OOFBBSB
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MARGARET That's it, make Jokesl Live in your own stuffy world of big Jokes and little people. Stay here. (SHE STARTS FOR ROOM) If you want to be a ham actor for the rest of your llfe, be one I SHE ENTERS ROOM AND CLOSES DOOR. DANNY I am not a haml THE DOOR OPENS. MARGARET STICKS HER HEAD OUT. MARGARET You,re right. A ham can be cu~ed I SHE CLOSES DOOR. EXPRESSION. DISSOLVE TO: 14. DANNY LOOKS AFTER HER. WITH HURT ATe01 002B859
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15. INT. ENGLISH PUB - DAY FEBDIE= A COCKNEY CHARACTER~ IS STANDING AT BAR TALK- ING TO BARTENDER. THERE ARE A FEW SCATTERED CUSTO- MERS ABOUT. SOME PLAYING DARTS. TEE W~OLE ATMOS- PHERE IS ONE OF CONVIVIALITY, BARTENDER 10WTS it going, Fe~dle? PERDIE 10w? 'Orrlble, thatls low. But me luck's bound to change. I feel it in my bones I'm going to complete a stupendous transaction today. But until the transaction t~ansplres, may I have an tarf and ~a?f? BARTENDER Ferdle, you canlt even afford an larf. AI"~OJ 007B860
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FEEDIE Then 'ow about taking this priceless heirloom -- (HE TAKES OUT A RING) -- the ring that Queen Elizabeth gave to Sir Walter Raleigh to pay him for havin' his cloak cleaned -- as a payment on account? BARTENDER Stow it, Ferdie. All glass ant brass, that's what it is. Heirloom FERDIE it11 lave you know this memento was given to m~y father by the Prinoe of Wales, BARTENDER Then let the Prince of Wales buy you an ~arf and laPP. IIm stuck now with a pair of bloomers your great-grandfather got from Queen Victoria. Now ~op it, Ferdle. DANNY AND JESSE ENTER. BARTENDER And don~t clutter up the bar. 16. RTH01 0028861
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JESSE Danny, I've never seen you in a mood llke this. Oo~le on, this place111 cheer you up. A real London publ Did you ever see anything else in the whole World llke it? DANNY (SOURLY) Not since Duffy's Tavern went off the air. BABTENDER Wot111 it be, gents? DANNY How about some ~those puppy d~inks. BARTENDER Puppy drinks? DANNY (BARKS) PJ~f-aPf -- pUppy dri~s. Arf-arf. That's kind of a Joke. Puppies ba~, so I said a?f-arf. Itls a Joke. BARTENDER No, it isnlt. Puppies go "bow- wow". Of course, r~y sister has a dog that hasnlt bz~ked in three years. JESSE Thatts strange. 17. AT:401 00?8862
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BARTENDER No, it isnlt. He~s dead. HE STARTS TO DRAW THE DRINKS° DANNY (TO ~ESSE) Oh, thls iS going to cheer me up good. I get topped by Neville Chamberlain. JESSE Dannyj what,s this all about? You've been growling at me all day. Have I done something that displeases my lord and master? DANNY Everything that's happened is your £ault. THE BARTENDER SETS THE IARF AND IARP IN FRONT OF THEM. JESSE What have I done? Haven't I booked you into the Palladium and the provinces? Youfre a big hit. ~md l~m going to get you a week in a night club while we1~e OVEN. DANNY That's Just it. That's all I'm doing while IIm here in England. Working. 18. A T,"~ 0 1 OOP8863
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JESSE Whatls wrong with that? Youl~e an actor, you should work. DANNY There are other thlngs actors ea~ do. If it wasnit fOP you, I wouldnlt have had the problem with Margaret this morning. JESSE What I do? What I do? DANNY Margaret is complaining -- you keep me so busy, you donlt give me any time for romance. JESSE You two have been married for fourteen years. How much time do you need? FERDIE STANDS NEARByj LISTENING. DANNY Margaret says I have no sentiment. And she~s right, We're in England, there are things to see. And I haven't seen anything. Yesterday, I was supposed to meet her at Elizabeth Barrett Browningls on Wimpole Street, but did I go? No. I went to a music hall with you instead. 19. AT~OI 0028864.
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JESSE Wetll go have lunch with her next week. DANNY She,s dead. JESSE Oh. I'm sorry. Well, Just send some flowers. Thatrll take care of it. DANNY Sure. Another potted geranium. JESSE What? DANNY You wouldnlt understand. But I know what Magglels talking about. A woman has to have a little poetry in he~ iAfe once in a while and I Just havenlt been giving her a~y. JESSE Well~ shucks, son~ and here I thought you was talklnj putty talk, day anI night, anI walklnI her through the buttercups on Sycamore hill with moonEloW in your baby blue eyes... Listenj what does sh~ expect af.te~ fourteen years of marriage -- all of a s~dden Libe~ae~• 20. ATX01 00?8865
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D ANhm/ You're a bachelor. ~lat do you know about romance? JESSE You want a free copy of my encyclopedia? DANNY I should have gone with Margaret to all those places -- Brownlng~s and Shelley, and to Shakespeare's place today. Sherll probably never talk to me again. JESSE Danny, will you stop it? Margaret,s a sensible, level-headed girl. Shetll get over this whole thing in four or five years. DANNY Youlre a big help. JESSE I got no time for sympathy. I fm meeting a glrl in ten minutes and wolfe going walking in Hyde Fark... looking for the birthplace of John Foster Dulles, DANNY In Hyde Park? He was born in America 1 21. ATF(O 1 00?8866
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22. JESSE (HAPPILY) Yeah, wet11 probably get lost and everything. I need one mo~e chapter Per my encyclopedia. Pay for me larf, will you? HE EXITS. DANNY TAKES OUT HIS WALI~ AND pUI~$ OUT SOME BILLS, FERDIE EYES T~. ~E PUTS ONE ON THE BAR. FERDIE CROSSES TO HIM AS B~RTENEER STARTS TO MAKE CHANGE. FERDIE Beg your pardon, Guvnor. Couldn't help overhearing your conversation with your companion. If you111 excuse me, sir, he Is a bit of a dullard, Isnlt he? DANNY He sure is... whatever that means. FERDIE What I mean is, Guvnor, he 'as no soul, no immortal consciences no divine feelings for the transports of the bard, like you and I. DANNY When did ~ join the club? FERDIE One look at you, sir, and I knew that here was a sensitive, tortured soul.., crylng out for understanding in a wilderness of strangers. f~ I'HO 1 007"886 ?
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A PAUSE. 23. DANNY Can I buy you a drink? THE BARTENDER IMMEDIATELY SETS TWO GLASSES OF ~ARF AND IAEF ON THE BAR, BARTENDER CWITH A GLANCE AT FEF~DIE) 'Ope I ~aven~t kept you waiting. FENDIE TAKES HIS. (TO DANNY) EERDIE Your healths sir. HE DOWN THE GLASS AT A GULP, DANNY STARES AT HIM. ~NDIE (TAKING THE SECOND GLASS) Perhaps I should introduce myself, I am Ferdinand Trevelyanj Assistant Curator of the British Museum. THE BARTENDER WHIRLS, DANNY British Museum? FERDIE (NODDING) I have in my care such treasures as the royal crown of Henry IV... the sword of Sir Galahad... BARTENDER An~ the bloomers of Queen Victoria. FERDIE THROWS HIM AN ANNOYED LOOK, ATX01 00?8868
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FERDIE Itls quite a coincidence that I was rummaglng through our Browning collection Just before stopping by here. I understand you are a student of Browningi~na? DANNY No, I went to School in Toledo. FERDIE I mean to say, you ape interested An RobePt Browning and his inamorata, Elizabeth ~rrett, werenlt you? DANNY Well, itts really my wife. I donTt know very much about them, except that they were m~ied and he w~ote poetry to his wife, that makes a b~m out of m_~e° FERDIE Have you Pead any of his works? DANNY Not unless hels written a column for "Variety" lately. FEBDIE But surely you must know: "Oh, to be in Eneland Now that Aprills the~e And whoever wakes in England (MORE) ATe01 00?8869
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PERDIE (CONT'D) Sees, some morning, unaware That the lowest boughs And the brush-wood sheaf Round the elm-t~ee bole Are in tiny leaf Whlle the chaffinch sings On th~ orchard bough In England -- nowJ" DANNY How soon do the Mary-buds ope their golden eyes? FERDIE Oh, you mean, 'HarkJ Harkl the lark at Heaven's -- " DANNY (QUICKLY) Never mind, I've been through that one... I sure don't dig the stuff. I wish I knew more about it. I don't even know why my wife wanted to see that house on Wimpole Street. yERDIE Surely, Guvnor, you speak in Jest -- whyj it was i~ that Io~se that Elizabeth Barrett lived with 'er father.., oh, le was a rum one, that one.., controlled ,er ve~ life, le did.,, (MORE) FIT~O 1 00?88?0
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F~IE (CO~'D) Robert Browning fell in love with let through le~ poetry, even though she wag an invalid, you mlght say, in a wheelohalr.., and te eloped with let to Ital~, wheelchair and all, though let father tried to atop 'em. DANNY yeah..o that sure sounds romantlc ... Margaret and I got married by a Justice of the Peace in back of a pool hall in Elkhart, Indiana ... he read the ceremony and then chalked the wedding mine before he handed it to he~. FERDIE Did you ever see the cameo that Robert BPowninE gave Elizabeth Barrett on their wedding night9 DANNY NO. FERDIE Hold your bPeath, si~, for I tare it In my possession. DANNY You do? 26. RTH01 007887'1
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27. PERDIE It was given me by my associates at the Museum. °. HE TAKES A CAMEO ON A HECKBA~D OUT OF HIS JACKET POCKET AND HOLDS IT UP. FERDIE • .. It was one of the finest pieces in our collection, b;]t they felt I deserved it for my years of service. BARTENDER (SOTTO) Years of servlce? l thought you only served ninety days the last time, Ferdle. ~KRDIE (QUICKLY~ TO DANNY) Come over here where the light Is better. HE MOVES DANNY AWAY FROM THE BAR AND OPENS THE CAMEO. FERDIE Note the inscription inside. DANR~ LOOKS AT IT. DANNY It's beautiful.., it ~eally is. What a lovely thing to give your wife on your wedding night.., you know what my wedding gift to Margaret w~s? FERDIE What? L RT~01 0078872
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DANNY A vacuum cleaner. Second hand, yet. Sure, we needed it. But a girl canlt wear that sort of thing around her neck. Not without being sta~ed at. I wish Iid been able to give her somethln~ like this.,, because she deserved it. FERDIE Mr. Williams... will you do me a favor? What? DANNY FERDIE I've been offered large SLimS of money for thls t~inket... ve~ large sums.., but I would llke to i~it to you for your wife. DANNY Giv_~e it to me? No, I couldnTt think of it -- FERDIE (QUICKLY) Well then.., if it will make you feel better... pay me. Just a token sum, of COUrSe. 28. RT:401 00?88?3
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99. DANNY But you wouldnlt want to part with thi_ss -- FERDIE I am in the muse~ all day long •.. puttering among trinkets equally as valuable... DANNY Can I reall[ have it? FERDIE Itls yours. But... what you? Anything,., DANNY can I oss~pay FERDIE any little tmlfle. How much have you got with you? DANNY TAKES OUT HIS WALLET AND TAKES OUT SOME BILLS. DANNY Well, I got a lot of these green things and some of the brown things, l~m not very familiar with English money. FRedDIE (TAKING IT) I'm familiar enough for both of us. (RIFFLES THROUGH IT) Therels about twenty pounds or so. Just to keep things simple ,•. shall I take all of it? RT~01 O0?8B 2~
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DANNY Sure -- it Isnlt half enough. Waitill I see Margaret.s face when I give it to herl Thank youl Goodhyel HE HURRIES OUT OF THE SALOON. BAN. 30. FEF~DIE CROSSES TO THE FERDIE (TO BARTERER) 'Arf and 'arf and 'op to it. HE PUTS A BILL ON THE COUNTER. THE BARTENDER STARE~ AT IT. BARTE~ER Now where did that come from? F~RDIE Lend-lease. DANNY COMES HURRYING BACK XN. DANNY (TO FERDIE) Could I have cab fare, please? FERDIE LOOKS AT HIM, THEN R~LUCTANTLY HANDS HIM SOME CHANGE. AS DANNY STARTS OUT, DISSOLVE TO: ATM01 00?88?5
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INT. HOTEL LIVING ROOM - NIGHT JESSE IS EXAMINING THE CAMEO AS DANNY PACES EXCIT- EDLY. DANNY -- And she was in thls wheelchair and in comes Robert Brownln~ and her old man trled to stop them and he wheeled her all the way to Italy and gave her that on their wedding night. Don't you think Margaret wlll love lt? JESSE Son, have you got a wheelchair? DANNY Why? ATHOI 00?88?6
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JESSE Because if you have, get in it and Itll wheel you right to the Menlnger Clinic. DANNY Whatls the matter? JESSE How much did you pay that guy for this thing? DANNY Oh, ~ lot of green things and a few brown things. JESSE Any white things? Looks llke a piece of Kleenex? DANNY yeah, yeah, there were a few around. Why? JESSE Those, my little pet, were livers. Five quid. Five pound notes. Worth approximately folmteen dollars each. One-fou~-o-o, with the accent on the o-o. To make a funny, they look llke Kleenex but it.s nothing to sneeze at. 32. ATe01 00?88;',-'
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DANNY All right. He said twenty pounds, maybe there was thirty there. He made a mistake. Whatls a few dollars for an hei~loom llke that? Why should I look a glf~ ho~ge i~ the mouth? JESSE You shoulda looked close at thi_..__gs one. I think itls a ~ackass. DANNY You don't think thatls the real thing? Browning dldnJt give it 'to Elizabeth? JESSE (HANDING IT TO HIM) Masy may have given it to Glmbsla but not recently. This is a phony~ Danny, If it were real, it would be worth so much, theySve be giving lem out on the $64,000 questlon] DANNY This guy -- he works in the museum -- he's got lots of 'em --so he gave it to mel JESSE I know a fellow works In a bank but he never invites me to open house. 33.
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DANNY Okay, You thlnkthlngs llke this Just don,t happen because youIve Eot no roman~8° JESSE YouV~e talklng to a man who Just came back f~ a tough afternoon in Hyde Parkl DANNY I find an Engllshman with areal romantic soul; he does me a favor; It's £olng to fix all the trouble with my wife that o~_9~started, and you say lt's a phony. Why should I take your word? JESSE All rightl Don't take mM wordl i'm golng down and give this whole story to the polioel Maybe you'll take thei____~rwordl Or do they have to ~ome here with romance in their soul, too? HE STALKS OUT~ SL~INGTHEDOOB. A MOMENTi LOOKING AT THE CAMEO. DANNY What does he know? Sure~ i$'s weal. Just looking at it, it takes me back to the day Robert B~ownlng gave it to EiAzaheth... she was si~±ng in ~e~ wheelchair°., waitlng°.° when...~here Was a knock On the dooP, ,° WHIRLING DISSOLVE TO: B4. DANNY STANDS POR ATX01 OOPB8 79
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35. INT. ELIZABETH BARRETTIS ROOM - NIGHT MARGARET IS IN T}~ WHEEL CHAIR~ A LA ELIZABETH BARRETT, AS THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR. MARGARET It is my lovel Come in, come inl DANNY ENTERS, AS ROBERT BROWNINQ, CARRYING A pOTTED GERANIDM. DANNY 0 dearest one l O fairest one l I deemed it would be wise To brin~ to thee this Mary-but That opes its golden eyes. MARGARET CLUTCHES THE GERANIUM TO HER BREAST. MARGARET I shall clutch it to my breast forever, which will make it kind of tough to water it. ATe0100PBB80
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36. DANNY TAKES THE CAMEO ~OM HIS POCKET AND DANGLES IT BEFORE HER. DANNY And here I have, of finest gold One of the purest ~ymbol~ Of all those secret~ loving wo~s That Macy,s won't tell Gimbells. MA~OABET ItIs beautiful. I shall clutch it to my breast forever, even though it is gettin8 a bit crowded there. AND SHE DOES SO. And best DANNY of all, the time has come And this I deeply feel To take you from your lonely home And fatherj the schlemiel. MARGARET Yes, yes, but let us go qulcklyE If he finds you here, he will kill youl THE FRENCH DOORS ABE FLUNG OPEN AND MH. BARRET~ -- JESSE~ OF COURSE -- STRIDES IN~ EYES BLAZING. JESSE Robert Browning, you no-good lyric writerl You havenlt had a hit in ten yearsl Get out of my house or I'll kick you from here to Ascapl ;-] T HO 1 0078881
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S?. MARGARET Fathe~ -- deslstl JESSE I don~t want any more of these broken-down poets around here. Get me someone 11ke b~e fellow who wrote "Shboom", and youlve got semethingl Talent, what I mean, boy, talentl MARGARET Bub, Fabher, Robert ie not a penniless ~ooi --look at this solid gold twenty-fOur carat cameo he has just Eiven me, JESSE GRKBS IT FROM HER~ PUTS A JEWELER,S EYEPIECE TO HIS EYE AND EXAMINES IT. JESSE Just as I thought] Made in Czechoslovakial HE THROWS T~ LOCKET ON THEFLOOE. JESSE (TO DANNY) Beat it, boy l And send me l~vins Berlinl DANNY GRABS T~E WHEELOHA~R. DANNY No] Elizabeth and I are going to elope and yo~Wme not going to stop us l (TO MARGARET) Which way is Italy? ATM01 00?8882
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38. SHE POINTS. DA~Y STARTS TO WHEEL HER. JESSE BLOCKS THEIR WAY. DANNY TURNS. THE CHASE WITH THE W}£EELCHAIR AEOU~ THE FURNITURE GROWS FASTER AND FASTER. FINALLY, AT THE LAST MINUTH~ DANNY SLIPS, THE WHEELCHAIR WITH MARGARET WHOOTS T~0UGH THE OPEN ~ENCH DOORS OUT OF SIGHT. AFT~ A MOMENT~ HE HEAR A TREMENDOUS CRASH. DANNY She broke my ge~anluml HE STARTS AFTER HE~. Elizabethl killed youl DANNY Elizabethl X1ve I've killed youl WHIRLING DISSOLg~ TO: ATe01 O07BB83
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THE AMERICAN TOBACCO OC~ANZ PALL MAIL F~'[00$ CIGARETTES OPEN ON FULL $CR~EN OF CHAPPELL BLASTING OUT OF SAND TRAP. (ENTIRE SCENE GIVFZ FEELING OF SU~ - CKAPPELL ICEARING HAWAIIAN SHIRT, COLORFUL GOLF CAP, PALM TREES IN BG., ETC.) BALL DROPS IN 3CRREB SHOWS CHAPRELL (HA~NG IT UP) TURNS TO CM,~RA AND DOFFS CAP. 0T}~3R OOLF~RS IN ~EW DOLLY IN TO CU OF OP~PPELL ~I~KIN~ CO~ IN CLOSER TO CHAPPELL, SMOKING SO TPAT O~LY HEAD SK~S, oN BOROdiN FADE OUT GOLF SCENE. BISS TO LONG ANG SHORT CIGS WITH SMOKE ARROWS PASSING THRU PALL ~LL, N~ME "PALL MALL" ABOVE POP ON "LONGER" BELOW CI}$, I:~! SYNG %JITH "LONGER". RAKE OUT AFTER "FURTRER" DISS TO TOBACCO LEAF AND DROP IN TWO MORE LEAVES, ONE AT A TI~. POP ON "ETN~R" BELOW IEAVRS IN BYe, TAKE OUT AUTER "BUY", DISS TO PALL ~I~LL WITH A~R~IS, NA~ "PALL MALL" ABOVE POP ON "MILDER" IN SYNC %/ITH "MILDER". TA~ OUT AFTER "DELICIOUS", CIG SHREi~(S ON "PUFF AFTER PUFF" PULL BACK TO SNGW CHAPRELL BY SCREEN SHOWING LAST pART OF PUFF CHART° POP OUT "3. MILDER" AND SUPER "TASTES FRESHLY-LIT PJFF AFTER PUFF" AS CIG DI~4I fISHES IN SIZE CHAPPELL BESIDE SCRU~N, NOT ~MOKING. ON SCREEN HE HOLDS UP PACK, ~(0KING, CEAPPELL STET, CUT TO CB OF PACE ADORE O~ SCREEN CHAPPRLL RTET, PERHAPS HE G~TURES TD WORDS, SUPER ALONGSIDE PACI~ "OUTSTAkDING - AND THeY ARE ~LD|Ip TV 0C~EE~AL #l[~ - ~ Revise ONE MINUTE OWAPPELLI (V.O.) Now wabch this one~ O~I~PPELL* The best she% X mad~ on m~ vacation. Boy, was I happy~ HA~/~OE: (V°O.) Now when youI~ relax* ing, donlt roles the fun of smoking| M11d- ness is a ~ wl~ ~ WILL! UHREP~LL: (LLV~ AS IS) R~ke I~REr and finer and milder PELL ~LL, PRJ~L )~LLs, ,. ,..are longer, Their greater length of fine tobaccos travels the ~moke ~urthe~ - filters the smoke an~ makes it ~il~ But you get more than geeater leREth! PELL ~LL tobaccos are finer - the Pin, st. quality money can buy. Remember - fine tobacco Is its own best filter. You get a self.filterin~ ac~lon ~hat makes you~ PELL ~ELL °,, Milder - so mild, so oooi~ 80 delicious,., .,. i~ tas~e ~cshly-llt -puff ~t6r puff. Choose well - smoke PELL MELLI Get RE~L ~LL Famous Cigarettes in the 4~tiREuished ~ed package today. 0~TSTA~ING °°. and they are mil~ ~r~ol OOP88Ba
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39. INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT MARGARET IS BENDING OVER DANNY~ SHAKING HIM. MARGARET Danny... we ~re backl DANNY Elizabethl I've killed youl MARGARET (puzzLED) Elizabeth who? DANNY Elizabeth l What did you do with your chair?... Oh, Margaret... I must have fallen asleep, live had the most awful dreami You sure youlre all right? ATHO~ 0028885
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MARGARET MARGARET We,re fine, we had a wonderful time and Stratford is the most romantic plaoe in the world. Itls riKht out of the sixteenth century.., but I guess youtre not interested. DANNY Sure. What do I know about rca~ance? I didn't even write "Shboom". NOTICES THE LOCKET. MARGARET Whatls this? DANNY 40. Well... itls kind of hard to explain... It's something I bought for you. But I realized how crazy the whole thing was -- it's about as ~eal as the silly dream I Just had about this locket. Here -- take it -- have yourself a laugh. AS MARGARET TAKES IT, THE DOOR BUZZER RINGS. SHE CROSSES TO OPEN ITi REVEALING JESSE~ A L0~DONBC~BY AND A DEJECTED-L00KING PERDIE. JESSE Hello~ Margamet... I b?ought Danny a friend of his.., the Curator of the British Museum. AT)~O I 00F8886
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41. MARGARET Wh._qo ? FERDIE It's my day off, BOBBY (POINTING TO CAMEO MARGARET HOLDS) Is this the object he sold the gentleman? JESSE yeah, th~tls It. The authentic locket Robert Browning gave EllzabethBarrett on their wedding nlght. Solid gold, too. MARGARET (TURNING) D~u~nyl BOBBY tare a look Sere, Miss. HE OPENS FEEDIEIS COAT. THE INSIDE IS HUNG WI~ A DOZEN SIMILAR CAMEOS. FERDIE (APOLOGETICALLY) Mr. Browning eouldnlt stop, once he started. JESSE (TO DAN~/) Well, Danny, what dc you think of your agent now? DANNY Jesse, I donlt even care any more. FITH01 0078887
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BOBBY You~ll come down to the station with us to prefer charges, wonlt youj sl~? DANNY No, I won)t. If I was that big a dope, he deserves whatever he G took from me. Let him go. HE EXITS INTO THE OTHER ROOM° JESSE Maggie -- are you going to let him do that? This guy took him for seventy-elght bucks -- sold him a worthless hunk of brass as an heirloom -- and Just because Danny.s ashamed of being a sucker, he won't pPosecute. Youtll press the charge, won=t you? MARGARET LOOKS AT THE CAMEO. BOBBY Ferdle, herej wonlt mind another few months in the cooler, will you now, Ferdie? FERDIE Oh, wonlt I, now?...I say, Missus - (MARGARET LOOKS AT HIM) Qive me a break now, wonlt you. I couldn't resist -- your husband was such a romantic soul -- Li2. RTH01 0029999
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JESSE Rom~nticl FF~D ~ Su~es it takes a ~al romantic to think he can b~Y a p~iceless heirloom fo~ twenty quid, doesnlt it? That I'd do it just out of the goodness of me leart? (TO MARGARET) And~ maJa~, Just because a ~n docsnlt ~ve the ability to write poetry, that does~lt mean he doesnlt feel like a poet feels... He didnlt ~mt to buy the blasted hunk of brass until he'd read the i~scription... You seej mal~j I meet many men in ~ ~rade who are in the same spot your husband is in... Ism not selling them Jewelry, Ilm selling them romance .°° and if thatts nob worth twenty quid, what is? MARGARET He read the inscription? FEBDIE Sure -= open it and see. MARGARET OPENS IT AND READS. 43. AT~O] 0078889
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M~GARET (RE~ING) tHow do I love thee? Let me count the w~s... I love thee to the depth and breath And height my soul can reach -- i BOBBY If you dontt mi~, malam, X d must be getting this blackguard down to the station so we can book tim in time for dl~er. You wouldnft want to miss dinner at the pokey, would y~, Ferdie? MARGARET Let him SO. JESSE What? After selling Danny a fake hUnk of Junk? MARGARET 1 Im sorry.., but this cameo is real. FERDIE Oh, now, malamw I never sald it was that. MARGARET It is to me, anyway. AS real as if it were a hundred years old. Goodnlght, officer. THEY STARE AT MARGARET A MOMENT. 44. ATe01 00?8890
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RERDIE Thank youj malam, fill be around tomorrow with a bracelet Romeo gave Juliet. MARGARET I may buy it... goodnlght. FEKDXE Ooodnlght. (TO BOBBY) Officer, I'll buy you an tarf and tarf. (FLASHING THE MONEY) I1m loaded, I am. THEY EXIT. JESSE Margaret... MARGARET What? JESSE Of coursej I thi~k youlre crazy but I guess you and Danny have it pretty ~ood. At least it keeps you out of Hyde Park. Goodnight. MARGARET Goodnight ~ Jesse. HE EXITS, MARGARET CROSSES TO BEDROOM DOOR. MARGARET (CALLING) Robert... Robert, dear~ 45. AT~OI 0028891
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DANNY COMES 0~ HESITANTLY. DANNY You want me? MARGARET Hello, sucker. SHE KISSES HIM. FADE OUT. 46. RTH01 00?8892
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THE DANNY THOMAS Oct, 5, 1955 AS "ELECAST SHOW DT #10A (70) "MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitle: "High Society" or "Puffin' O~ The Ritz" Written by: Jack Roche RTH01 0078893
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"~KE ROOM F0R DADDY" #10A (7o) Subtitle: "High So0iety" o~ "P~ttin' On the RitZ" CAST DANNY,,,.,,,b~,~,6,o,,,.**.Danny Thomas MARGARET, ........ o ..... ,°.,Jean Hagen TERRY .......... ... ..... ,...Sherry Jackson RUSTY ........... . ....... ...Rusty Hamer HARRIET WILSON,. o 0 ......... STAGE MANAGe6. ,., ~, ~,,,, ,, WILLIAM WILSON,,,,,.,.**... CHAUFFEURi.. t..... .... ,**,~ LORD ASHLEY.,, ~, ,,i..,. ,, ~ • SETS INT. ENGLISH HOTEL LIVING ROOM INT, PALLADIUM DRESSING ROOM INT. ENTRY HALL WILSON HOME INT. LIVING ROOM WILSON HOME f~T~01007889~
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THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY TV CC~IAL #14~ - FUN Revise PALL fi~LL F~/~OUS CI~RETTES ORM MINDTE OPEN ON LONG SHOT OF WATER SKIER SP~ING OHAPPELL| (¥.0,) Skimming over the OVER WAVF.$ BEHIND MOTOR BOAT, APPNOACHIND water at thirtF knots - and then ,,, /~I ND PLATFORM CUT TO PRETTY CL0~E SHOT OF SKIER AS HE SLIDES UP JUMPING PLATFOF~i CUT TO ~IUM SHOT AS P~N HITS WATER AST~R JDMP CUT TO SKIER AS HE CLIffS ABOARD hCTOR BOAT. GIRL GREETS HIM CUT TO CU AS SHE OFFERS PALL ~LL AND LIGHTS IT FOB HIM. CONE IN CLOSE TO HDI SMOKINO HATCH BISS TO PO~BAND SHOET CIGS WITH RMKEE AHEOWS PASSIND THRN PALL ~LL, "PALL HALL" ABOVE POP ON "LONDER" BELOW CIGSj IN SYKE WITH "IONDER". TAKE OUT AFTER "~RMR" DISS TO TOBACCO LEAF AI~ DROP IN TWO MORE LEAVES, OKE AT A T~4Ee POP ON "FINER" BELOW LEAVES IN SYNC, TAi~ OUT APPER "BUY" DISS TO PALL ~L~LL WITH AP~R~S.NA~ "PALL MALL" ABOVE POP ON "MILDER" IN SIq~C I~ITH "MILDHE". TAKE OUT AFTER "DELICIOUS". CIG SH~II.N~ ON "PUFF A~THE PUFF" OUT TO BOY ARS GIRL, BOTH SMOKING SEATED AT TABLE ON PATIO-LIKE VIEWING AREA~ NDOKIND TOWARD SEA, WAPEB SKIING IN BG PAN DOWN TO PACK ON TABKZ ALONGSIDE ASH TRAY WITH I,iARIRM MOTIF SUP~ WORDS: "O~TSTANDIND ,.. AND THeY ARE MILD J" ... a perfect jump ... • .. a perfect landing - smooth, graceful, thrilling° JINGLE: Denlt :~ss the fun of smoking Dontt miss the fun of smoking ~idress is a pleasure ~th FELL HEIL! HABRIHE: (V.O.) Yes, mildness is s~,etking you e_~ with PELL ~LE° CHApPRLL: (V.Oo) RMLL ~/LS ... ... are longer. Their greater length of fine tobaccos travels the smoke further . filters the smoMe and makes it mild. HARRICE: But you ~et more than greater length. PSLL M~LL tobaccos are finer - the finest quality money can buy~ And remember - fine tobacco is it~ own best filter, You E~ a natural self. filtering action - - that makes your PELL ~LL milder - so mild~ so cool, and so dellci~----"~ tastes freshly-lit puff after puff, CHAFFELL: So don'~ miss the fun of smoking; HARRICE: HAldness is a Dlsasure with HELL ~LE. CHAPPELL: Smoke PELL ~ Famous Cigarettes, Outstanding... HAHEI~: And. they are mild~ 8TH01 0078895
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"MA~ ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitle: "High Society" or "Puttin' ~n the Ritz" FADE iN: INTo ENGLISH HOTEL LIVING ROOM - DAY DANNY IS SPEAKING ON THE PHOto DANNY (INT0 PHONE) Listen, Jesse, you got tO help me out°., once you told me you'd go through flre and water for me... Oh~ you'd go through fl~ewater fo~ me? A msrtlnl wlth two ollves? Look, I~m in no mood for Jokes • .. Tell me, do you know any royalty? ~, , Royalty [ Like Kings, Or Queens, Dukes or something?... (MORE) ATe01 00?8896
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DANNY (CO~r'D) I promised the kids before we came here l'd introduce them to a King~ or a knight, or a lord, or somebody like that... W~t?... A baseball autogm~phed by D~ke Snyder?... JesBe, thBtfs not royalty, except in Brooklyn... How do I know how I got into this? They were tslklng about King Arthur and I told them in England I knew the whole royal family~ P~Incesj and Dukes, and Princesses, and what have you... I got carried away. For a minute I thought I WaS Danny Kaye, not Danny Willi&ms... Well, I did know somebody. One lousy lord. Lord HavenhDrst... Yeah, you knows the fellow who liked my sot at the Cope In New York and asked me to look him up... I Wrote him a letterS and then I called him, but he's gone to Austrla for the baths ... Austrla for the baths... I know. ~ thousht he'd have ode in the house, too... You~e a big help ... 0kay. If you r~n Into Lady Astor, let me know°., yeah... Goodbye. I~ T)401 0078897
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r;= 9. HE HANGS UPI FUSSES ABOUT THE ROOM LOOKIN~ WORRIED. MARGAF~T AND TERRY ENTER~ CARRYING SEVERAL PACKAQES. MARGARET Rij honey. DANNY Hello, M~gs. T~RY Hi, daddy. We had a Wonderful e time shopping. MARGARET We bought the most wonderful gowns. When you see them, you'll be thrilled. DANNY Yeah. And when I see the bill I won't be thrilled -- I'll be chilled... Where,s Rusty? MARGARET AND TERRY PUT THEIR PACKAGES ON CHAIRS AND START UNWRAPPING THEM. MARGARET He didn't want to go shopping with us, so I hired a governess to take him out in the park. DANNY You let him go out with a strange won~n? MARGARET There,s nothing strange about her. She works for the hotel. The management reeommended her very highly. ATF(01 0028898
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4, DANNY Rusty with an English governess? He'll come back talking like Ronald Co3xnan. MARGARET What else could I do? Z couldn't leave him F~re alone. You were still asleep, DANNY Why'didn,t you wake me up? MARGARET I thought of tF~t, but I didntt know where to get an atom bomb. TERRY TAKES A DRESS OUT OF A BOX AND HOLDS IT UP FOR DANNY TO SEE. IT 18 A %r~RY SF~MPY, STF~PLESS K"JENZ~ GOWN, TERRY How do you lik~ ~hls, Daddy? Isn,t it the most? DAN~ (LOOKINS IT OVER DOUBTFULLY) If that's the most, I'd hate to see the least... What's it for? You going to a ball? TERRY I'm going to wear it at dinner when you take us to visit nobility, like you promised. Maybe I'll meet a Prince Charming and in th~s dress he migh~ flip for me. R'r HOl 00288,99
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MARGARET Terry~ I,ve been trying to explain to you,., l'm sure the closest your father ever got to royalty was when he out his finger opening a can of King Oaeam sardines. DANNY (SORE) What are you tryinE to ,I do -- make a liar of me in front of my own daughter? MARGARET Oh, now, Dannyj why you should worry yourself sick about some silly promise you made ~he kids -- DANNY It wasn't a silly promisel I d._oo know royaltyX Lord Havenh~rst, for instance, He lives in a castlel He's a great friend of miner TERRy Then why don't we go to visit him in his castle? DANNY He had to go to Austria to look for a plumber, that,s wby~ His castle is 500 years old and be just realized they fo~got somethingl ATM01 0028900
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MARGARET Don't get exoited -- it doesn't matter to us whether we meet royalty or not. DANNY It matters to m~eL I'm not going to have you ribbing me ell the time we're in Englandl RUSTY ENTERS IN A CHIPPER MOOD. RUSTY Hi, old beans. DANNY What'd I tell you. MARGARET k~nerel5 your gove~neBB? RUSTY She didn,t want to oome in. DANNY Why not? RUSTY I didn't want her to break up the fight. DANNY Rusty, we weren't fighting. Mommy Just got excited. MARGARET I got exoited? . A~XOI 0078901
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RUSTY YOU made the most DANNY Go wash your hands and facel MARGARET Danny, calm down. If meeting a lord is going to cause a family feud, forget it. RUSTY I'II intyoduoe you to a lord. DANNY Oh, stop itl RUSTY I will..% LoPd Ashley. He,s a buddy of mine. MAROARET Rusty, stop teasing Danny. Go and get ready for dinner. DANNY Where'd you get this Lord Ashley stuff? RUSTY We talked to each other in the park. He told me some swell stories. 7. ATe01 00?8902
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HE ~XITS ~ DANNY Look, Rusty, if strange men talk to you in the park, don't pay any attention to them. These fellows Just sit around all day on a park be~oh... RUSTY He wasn't On a p~rk bench. He was up in a tree. TERRY (GIGGLING) Maybe he was helping Lo~d Havenhurt look for a plumber, MARGARRT Rusty~ enough Of your sto~ies. Now get ready. RUSTY Okay, but if you ever want to meet a lo~d, Just let me ~now. DANNY Suddenly the whole family's going ora2y. MARGARET If you hadn't told them about all the lords and dukes you know, Rusty wouldn't be making mp storles llke that, 6 RT)401 00?8903
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TERRY Daddy, you know who I'd like to meet?.,, the Duke of Edinburgh. Gee, he's a dreamhoat, if I ever saw o~e, DANNY Well, I'd Introduce you to him, but he lives way up in Scotland. MARGARET He lives right here in London. He's Queen Elizabethls husband. DANNY Oh - tha____ttDuke of Edinburgh|... That's the one I didnft happen to meet. Hey, I better get dressed or I'ii be late for the matinee. TERRY Boy... that's what I call beating a strategic retreat. DANNY TURNS ON HER. DANNY All right, young lady. It so happens I am well acquainted with some of the noblest nobility in England. But there,s such a thing as etiquette and protocol. YOU have to wait to be invited to their houses. (Mo ) 9. R T,'WO 1007890~
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DANNY (OONT'D) What do you want me to do, put an ad in the London Times, "Available for appearances at castles. Have tuxedoj will travel"? MARGARET Why not? And you can also put in the ~d - "Act Includes wife and two childrenS direct from three weeks in London Hotel Room." DAN~ Very funny. DANNY STARTS TO EXIT. MARGARET Who knows? We mIEht get a split week at Huoklngham Palace. DANNY THROWS HER AN ANGRY LOOK AND EXITS TO BEDROOM, SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM~ DISSOLVE: ATe01 0078905
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ll. INT. PALLADIUM DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT HARRIET WILSONs DRESSED iN A SLIGHTLY SHOPWORN EVENING GOWN AND DRIPPING WITH COST~ JEWELRy, IS ON }X~R HANDS AND KNEES,SCRUBBING THE FLOOR OF THE DRESSING ROOM, A BUCKET OF SOAP SUDS AT 0N~ SIDE. SHE IS SING- ING, "RULE BRITTANIA". THE STAGE MANAGER E~rI~So STAGE MGR. Now wot's this? Wot's this? Still so~ubbini the floc~s, and performance due in 'avf an hour? HARRIET (A TRUE COCKNEY AOCE~) Ahrrr, do the British B,Empire a favor, H'Albevt, take yourself a flying leap f~om Kensington Bridge, a~d mind you dontt come up. SHE GIVES ONE O~ HER HUGE HECKLAC~8 A WHIRL AB05~ HER NECK. RT~01 00?8906
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STAGE Y~Ro PuttinI on airs, are we, IArriet? Who are we today, Lady Windermere or Queen Victoria? HARRIET (WITH DIGNITY) Lady Windermere, I am. And I've just come from the Roy81 Pall at Buoklngham Palace, where I've asked the King to 'sve you beheaded, but he's afraid you have suoh a thick skull, yould dull the knife. STAGE NGR, (A MOCK HOW) Sorry, Your Lady- ship. A few more weeks of puffin' up with your fsnoy clothes and cut-glass Jewelry, a~d I promise I'13 be as soft-headed as yooJ HARRIET Take your muddy boots off ~ olean floor, Albert, or XTII have the D~ke of Wellington run you through with his swordj as 800n as he retumns from Waterloo. SHE RAISES HER BRUSH AS IF TO THROW IT. STAGE MGR. (BACKING AWAY) Mind you finish up, now. Mr. Williams will be (MORE) 12. RTHO1 00?8907
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~3. STAGE MGR. (CONT'D) here for his performance any minute. But do a good job. HARRIET My dear Albe~t... Lady Windermere takes pride in wielding a more artistic brush.., than Winston Churchillt STAGE MANAGER SHRUGSs HELPLESSLY, AND EXITS, CLOSING DOORo HARRIET MAKES A FEW "ARTISTIC" SWIRLS OF THE BRUSH ON TKS FLOOR, LOOKS AT IT CRITICALLYt PUTS BRUSH IN PAIL AND SHOVES IT TO ONE SIDEo SKS GETS TO HER FEET AS DANNY HURRIES IN. THE DOOR, AS KS THROWS IT OPEN, HIDES THE BRUSH AND PAIL FROM HIS VIEW. DANNY (SEEING HER) Oh -- sorry. (HE LOOKS AT DOOR) Do I have the right dressing ~oom? (SRR NODS) Were you waiting for met Miss -- Mrs. -- HARRIET Everyone calls me Lady Windermere. DANNY REACTS o DANNY Lady -- Windermere? you're really a lady -- I mean, it's official? HARRIET (ASSUMING THE GRAND MANNER, DROPPING THE COCKNEY) I have Just returned from Buckingham Palace. 8TMOI 00?8908
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DANNY (PUZZLED) Then -- what are you doing here -- I mean --(H~ SNAPS HIS FINGERS) you must be a friend of Lord Havenhurstl He got my letterl HARRIET I am~laequalnted with the entlre pee~ase of the Erltlsh Isles. (AGAIN, THE BUSINESS WITH THE ~ECKIACE) They have all been to the Sundsy soirees at ~kv home... Sim Winston... Slr Anthony Eden • .. the I>~ke Of Welling~on... DANNY (BEAMING NOW) I know! You've come %o ask me -- (HAPPILY) Your Ladyship I HE STAR~S FOR HER, (SHARPLY) Let me kiss your handl HARRIET Take your muddy boots off my clean £1oorl DANNYj STARTLED# LEAPS RIGHT UP ON A CHAIR, DANNY Wha-? What? F)THO'I 0078909
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HARRIET (QUICKLyj PASSING A HAND AOROSS ERR FORE?~AD) You must excuse me. I have these epelIs oocaslon811y in my old age. That's a phrsse my mother -- Lady Cavendish -- used to shout at me... when I tracked mud into our 8noestral castle. DANNY (GETTING DOWNs GINGERLY) S~re, s~re. Mustn't track up & castle. ProbabIy wasn'~ any ~unni~g water between there Bnd A~strlal HARRIET Would you llk__~e to vIBit The Larches at Upper Pevney? That's where we Iive bow° We~ve given ~p the castle, because it was s oo dlffleuIt tc heat 1100 toe,so DAN~ Yeah... can you Imagine them all ban~in~ on th~ radiato~ at once? What did yo~ do with it -- turn it into the Buckingham Hilton? HARRIET (DREAMILY) No... no one 11yes the~e now.. except an old lady ~ho comes i~ to scrub the floors. (MORE) 15. ~TX01 00789 I0
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2: HARRIET (CONT' D) (CHANGING) YOU wil_._~l come then? This Sunday? DANNY I accepted before you asked me. May I bring my wife? She's no Lady -- I mean, not officially -- but I'd like to prove to her -- I mean~ oa~ she come? HARRIET She doesn't chatter, does she? I hate dull, chattering women. DANNY No, no -- she hardly speaks 8t all -- except when I'm talking, you.ll love her. And tell me -- who will be there add what shall I wear? HARRIET Well, Sir Winston will be there... and Sir Anthony,.. Of course, theyfre always in morning coat, striped trousers, and top hat... DANNY (WORRIED) Top hat? HARRIET It doesn't have to be your best top hat. 16. RT~;01 0028911
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~7. DANNY Okay. I'ii use the one I wear on Tuesdays... Now, if you don't mind, I'd llke to ~un a~d telephone my wi~e.., tell her all about it -- (HE STARTS POR DOOR) HARRIET Mr. Williams. HE TURNS, SHE EXTENDS P~B EAND, HARRIET (CONT'D) Before you leave.., you may kiss OUr hand. DANNY So~y, Lady Windermere. HE KISSES HER HAND AND EXITS. HARRIET STANDS FOR A MOMENT, SMILING DREAMILY. THEN SHE TURNS, REAO~ BEHIND TEE D00Rj AND COMES OUT WITH THE BUCKET AND BRUSH. AS SHE STARTS OUTs SHE TOSSES THE BRUSH IN THE AIR, CATCHES IT IN THE BUCE~Ti WHISTI~NG "RULE BRITTANIA", SHE EXITS. DISSOLVE: 8T:401 0078912
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18. h~ INT. SITTING ROOM OF HOTEL SUITE -NIGHT MARGARET, RUSTY AND TERRY ARE SITTINO ABOUT EXPECT- ANTLY, DANNY ENTERS WITH A COUPLE OF LARGE PACKAGES AND A HAT BOX. MARGARET Danny~ what kept you? We'll hardly have time for dinner before you have to leave for tonight' s show. DANNY I tried to call you, but nobody answered. I had to do some 8hopping, HE STARTS OPENING THE HAT BOX. MARGARET Couldn,t it wait? ATH01 00?8913
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19. RUSTY I'm hungry, DANNY Now do you like that? HE TAHES OUT A HIGH HAT - THE KZ~ ENGLISHmaN WEAR TO EPSOM DOWNS, MARGARET What's it for? Are you going to a masquerade? DANNY Muggsyl We've made Itl We,re going to spend tomorrow with Churchill and Eden. MARGAF~'T 0ha fine, YOU told the kids we'd visit nobility and you come up with a vaudeville team. DANNY Mamgaret - Sir Winston Churchill, MARGARET ~re° DANNY What's the matter? Don't you believe me? MARGARET Would you believe Winston Chur- chill if he said he was spendln8 the day with Danny Williams? Rr~01 0078914-
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J DANNY HAS BEEN BUSY OPENING ANOTHER PACKAGE, OUT A MORNING COAT AND HOLDS IT UP. DANNY But I'm not kldding° Look, I'm gonna be dressed Just like Churchlil. TERRY Gee, daddy, th~Is keen°.. What is it? DANNY It's a morning coat. That,s what they all wear at these parties -- the Duke of Wellington~ Anthony Eden. They're all going to be at Lady Windermerers pl~oe. She osme to my d~es~i~g ~oom and iDvlted ~S° MARGARET Lady Windermere? That sounds like a character in a play. DANNY Maybe ~o, but this is the real Lady Windermere in person. Friend of Lord Bave~hurst. A wonderful old ladyo I klssed her hand. MARGARET That, alone, must h~ve been worth the price of admission. 20. HE TA~S ATH01 0028915
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TERRY Geel We really are going to meet nobility? DA~ Er, Mommy and I are going, dear. MARGARET YOU mean the children aren,t invited? DANNY This is a soiree. MARGARET What does that mean? DANNY How should I k~ow? MARGARET Ask the children. DANNY All right, itls a party at night, at her ancestral home. The Larches~ at Upper Pevney. Can you picture Rusty in Upper Pevney? He'd hsrdly fit in lower Slob- bovia! TERRY But, Daddy, you promisedJ Now I'ii never meet a Prince Charming. 21. F~TXO 1 0028916
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DAm Z Look, dear, there'll be lots of lords and ladies theres and they probably have boys and girls the same age as you and Rusty. And they~ll invite us to their houses and then you'll really meet a F~inee Charming. TERRY Are you going to leave us alone in London? RUSTY I'ii protect you. TERRY Oh, don't be silly. RUSTY There,s nothing to be afraid of. We'll go and stay in the t~ee with Lord Ashley. DANNY Oh, stop with that Lord Ashley stuff... Now, you kids go in and get ready for dinner. Your mother and I have to prepare ourselves for nobility~ TERRY I'm sorry I ever came to England with you -- I should have stayed home with Grandma and gone to that dance with Jimmy Burrows. 22. ATX01 0078917
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23. THE CHILDREN EXI'~, MARGAREV2 LOOKS WRY DIS~BED. MARGARET Danny, do you Shlnk ~e shou2d go? DANNY Look. Mug~syS we'~e only Going away for the day. MA~GAP~9~ I feel so selfish. DANNY Margaret, we,ve got to got Do you want Winsto~ 0hurohil~ to think we,~e a couple of snobs? D!SSOLVETO: ATH01 0078918
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Ih'2i ~RY HALL - WILSON HO~ - NIGh"~ WILLIAM WILSON, A YOUNG ENGLISHMAN OF ~E WORKING CLASS, IS CROSSINO TO ~ DOOR OF A SMALL~ C~PLY- FURNISHED HOUSE. THE DOORBELL IS RINGING. WILLIAM OPENS THE DOOR, TO REVEAL DANNY AND MARGARETa BO~ DRESSED TO THE HILT. Yes? WILLIAM DANNY Sorry to bother youe b~t I %hink we're kind of lost -- can you tell US whioh way is Upper Pevney? WILLIAM This is Upper Pe~ey, sir, what there is of it. RT~01 00P8919
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DANNY yeaht but we're looking for sept of a townhouse 0ailed "The Larches" -- you've got asisn outside says, "The Larohes"a but we're looking fop the Other Larches. WILLIAM What other Larches? DANNY The Winston ChDr0hi11-type LaPohe8o WILLIAM Oh, he,_~s here~ all right. You've been talking to mothera haven,t you? You know -- Queen Viotoria? MARGARET Danny, I know you have the right addresst b~t are yo~ sure we have the right century? DANNY I'm Dot 1ookiDg fop Quoe~ ViotoP1a# I'm looking for Lady Windermere. WILLIAM Yes, that's mother, too. DANNY It Sure musta confused your fatherl MaPgaret, letls get OUt of here -- it must be a mistake. 25. AT~O'I 00?8920
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MARGARET NO, JUst a minute -- I,d llke to find out about this. (TO WILLIAM) Some woman at the Palladium said she Was lady Wlnde~mere, and invited my husband to her home, WILLIAM Mother invites sver~ at the Palladium to her home to meet royalty. She's the so~ubwommn there# a~d of course everyone knows her, so no one ever accepts. MARGARET (LOOKING AT DANNY) Except XAttle Lord Fauntleroy, here. DAN~ You mean -- she only works at the PalladitLm9 WILLIAM Not that she has to. I'd be happy to have her stmy home, but she loves the theatre so... She starred in both "lady Windermere's Fan" and "Victoria Re~Ina" in her day... Mother was a great actress... DANNY I Eot news for you. Sha hasn't turned in her Union card yet[ 56. PITH01 0028921
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2 HARRIET'S VOIC~ (FROM OoS,) APe those my visitors, Albert? I told you they'd comel WILLIAM (~0TTO~ TO DANNY) She's Queen Victoria tonight. DANNY Great. I'm Charles A. Lindbergh and I'm flying back to our hotell HE TURNS TO GO. MARGARET STOPS HIM. MARGARET Wait a minute, Danny. I want to find out about this. DANNY What,s to find Out? X accepted the invltetion from Lady Winder- mere while she was serubblnK my dressing ~oom floorl I want to hurry back there -- maybe Lady Godiva is ~insing my sooksl Fi~RGAP~ But I'd like to know why she acts this way -- (TO WILLIAM) YOU can tell us -- uh -- she called you Albert~ didn,t she? WILLIAM Yes, bet r&y name is William. ~7. RTH01 00F8922
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DANNY Naturally. WILLIAM Albert was my father. His name was Horace, DANNY (TO MARGARET) Sam, let's go home. WILLIAM He played the part of prince Albe~t In "Victoria Regina." MARGARET Oh, yes, Viotoria's husband. It's a lovely play. WILLIAM Do you remember the scene in Act Two,,. Queen V~otoria's seventieth birthday -- MARGARET Certainly .... when she goes out on the balcony to speak to the people? That's a wonderful moment, I saw the play. WILLIAM They stood ~p and applauded mother for five minutes openins night when she made that speech,,. The play was chosen for the Ooramand Performance before the royal family.., (MORE) 28. AT)<OI OO?8923
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WILLIAM (CO~'D) but my father took Ill that night. Mother never appeared on the stage again.., so I hope you donlt mind If I indulge her little fancies. They're harmlese~ and she enjoys living the parts she,ll neve~ get to play. HARRIET'S VOICE (FROM O.S.) Albert! DANNY (TO WILLIAM) I guess she's calling you~ RarPy. HARRIET COMES Ob~* HARRIET 0h, there you apes Mr. Wllllamsl DO come into the ballroom -- I,ve told him whet a wonderful enteP- tai~er you are, and Sir Winston is simply Eoing out of his mind to see you performl DANNY He'e got a lot of company. Look~ Lady Windermere -- HARRIET (DRAWING ~SELF UP) I am Her Royal Majesty, Victoria Regina. Queen of Emgland, Scotland, and the E~plre. RTX01 00P8924
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DANNY Sure, I forgot it was Thursday. My wife and I have to get back because -- HAmlET (HER FACE PALLS) you're not going to come in and meet my guests? DANNY NO, you see we left our children alone -- we reslly have to leave. HARRIET (SADLY) I see. Thank you very much for comlngp Mm. Williams. (TO MARGARET) And Mrs. Williams. It was more than any of the others ever did. It was too m~ch to expect that you would enjoy my company... I a~ such an old Queen now... SRE TURNS AND STARTS BACK INTO TRE OTHER ROOM. MARGARET Danny -- (DANNY TURNS) Let,s go to her party. DANNM Maggie -- be sensible. Who can be there? Just you and me and Sigmund Freudl Believe ~eS she's happier this way, let's not disturb her, 30. ATX01 00?8925
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MARGARET (TAMING HIM BY THE ARM) Come on Sir DaDiell THEY START INTO THE OT~R ROOMi DANNY Sir Daniel[ Sir Wlnstonl She,s made the whole thing up# there's nothlngto lt, we'll be all alone in there wlth --- THEY EXIT, 31. AT~OI 0028926
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32. INT, LIVING ROOM - WILSON MOUSE AS DANNY AND MARGARET ENTER~ IT IS PILLED WITH THE WAX IM~%GES OF ALL ~HE ROYALTY OF HARR~ETIS IMAQIMA" TION, HARRIET HAS TURNEDa EXPECTABLY, AT THEIR ENTRANCE. DANNY -- empty chairsj empty tables -- HE STOPS SHORT AT WHAT HE SEES6 MAP~E~ HOW kind, Mr. Williams .... (S~ CROSSES TO HIM) I'd like you very much to meet the Duke of Wellington... Your GraGe, my dear f~leDds... M~. and Mz's. Williams .... MARGARET SHAI~S HANDS WITH THE FIGUBE. RTX01 00?892?
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33. MARGARET HOW do you do~ Your Grace. DANNY STANDS LOOKING IN AMAZEMEh'9" MARGARET GIVES HIM A POKE. HE GRABS THE FIGUREIS HA~D AND SHALES IT VIGOROUSLY. DANNY Don't get up. HARRIET LEADS THEM AROUND TPLE ROOM, I~BODUCING THeM TO THE FIGURES. HARRIET Lord Derby - here are ntV American guests, Mr. and Mms. Williams. MARGARET How do you do# Your Lordship. DANNY (SHAKING HANDS) Glad to know you, Lord Derby. I ~sed to wear one of your hats. MARGARET NUDGES HIM. HARRIET And now~ may I present to you, Her Majesty.s First Minister... Sir Winston Churchi~l. THEY ARE BROUGHT FACE TO FACE WITH THE IMAGE OF CHURCHILL. (A CURTSY) Winston. DANNY STANDS, STARIND AT HIM. AGAIN. HARGAKET We are honored, Si~ MARGARET NUDGES HIM RT~01 00?8928
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34. MARGARET (SO 0) Bo._.aw • DANNY MANAGES A BOWj STRAIGHTENS UPt TAKES A CIGAR FROM HIS POCKET~ DANNY Have a cigar, Sir Winston, you,ll look mo~e natuPal. HE PUTS THE CIGAR ZN CHURCHILL'S MOUTH. CHI~CHILL DOES LOOK MCgeE NATURAL, DA~Y GIVES HIM THE "V" SIGN, HARRIET And nows dear guests.., our delightful visitor from across the sea... Mr. Daniel Williams... will entertain us all with a song. SHE APPLAUDS. M~RGA~ JOINS HER. DANNY No, really -- I don,t work good in front of this kind of an audience. It's like auditioning in Philadelphia. MARGARET Danny -- this is a Command Per- formanoe. DANNY LOOKS AT HER2 HELPLESSLY. HARRIET Won't you lep/SAg~? MARGAREVA~ You wanted to entertain for royalty, didn.t you, Danny? RTX01 00?9929
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35. DANNY (sLOWLY) Yeah° I guess I finally made it. (TO HARRIET) I never figured it would take someone like you to bring me to my senses, but I'm much obliged ... I guess I owe you a performance. (INDICATING DUMMIES) I'm gonna do my best to mslt this audlenoeJ WILLIAM HAS ENTERED AND IS STANDING AT 0H SXDE. DANNY SINGS "P0~I~IN' ON THE RITZ", PLAYING IT TO THE VARIOUS DUMMIES~ AS ~ CONCLUDES, HARRIET APPLAUDS. HARRIET Bravo] Bravol Thank you, thank you s_2 muchl (SHE CROSSES TO HIM) It's been s__oo long since there has been gayety in my palace. You have made us all very, very happy... And now, goodnlg~ht. Albert~ my royal oonsomt, awaits me. (SHE PASSES A HAm OVER HER FOREHEAD) l'm sorry. I am a silly old woman and I know I've been having one of my spells. I hope I haven't annoyed you. I had better go to bed. SHE STARTS OUT. MARGARET But you can't leave yet. HARRIET TURNS, JgT:~O 1 0078930
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36. MARGARET They,re calling for you. The curtain,s Just gone up for Act Two of Viotovia Regina~.,, DANNY Where? Where? What curtain? MARGARET STEPS ON HIS FOOT AGAIN. DANNY Oh, yeah, there it is -- I felt the footlights. MARGARET (TO HAHRIET) The whole Royal Family's in the audience... waiting for your performance. SHE MOTIONS TO WILLIAM~ WHO COMES FORWARD. WILLIAM (SOFTLY) Your Imperial and Royal Highnesses -- (ME LOOKS ABOUT AT THE DU~TES) I have great pleasure in asking you to drink to the health of Her Majesty the Queen, on this, her birthday. May she continue long in health and pr0pserity to enjoy the love of her children, and her people. HARRIET LOOKS ABOUT, SLOWLY, SHE ASSES THE ROLE OF VICTORIA AGAIN. SHE STARTS THE SPHECH SOFTLY, B~ GRADUALLY THROWS F~RSELF INT0 IT F~ THE CLIMAX. INSERT SPEWER AT THE CONCLUSION, APPIAUSE° DISSOLVE TO: RT~01 0078931
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BT. INT. HOTEL LIVING ROOM - DAY MARGARET AND DANNY ARE SEATEDa TALKING TO TERRy~ MARGARET Your fathe~ certalnly learned a ~osson, Terry. Royalty is where you flnd it..° DANNY Yeahs a~d I guess wei~e not going to flnd any In England~ and I=m ~ust as happy. We've met some wonderful people here °°. ~eurotlo~ b~t wondePf~l..° TERRY Gee, I sure w~sh I'd been with yo~° RTX01 00?8932
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4 38. THE DOOR BUZZER RINGS. DANNY OPENS IT, REGALING RUSTY* RUSTY Daddy., oan I bring Lord Ashley in? He fell out of his tree. DANNY RUSTYI You need a lesson Worse then I dldl If yOU'll Eive up these crazy ideas .... A UNIFORMED CHAUFFEUR ENTERS, WITH A SMALL BRITISH BOY IN HIS ARMS. CBAU~FEUR May I set Lord Ashley down 8 moment? sprain. wha___~t ? He,s got a bit of a DANNY CHAUFFEUR Not at all serious. So kind of his little friend to invite him RUSTY Lord Ashley, these are my mother and father. They,re Just dying to meet nobility. LORD ASHLEY Well, now you've met it, old chaps. Rustytoan ~ have some bubble Eum? FITHO 1 0078933
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39. RUSTY Okay, Lovd~ that's three you OW~ me. HE HANDS HIM SOME BUBBLE GUM AS THE OHAUPFEUR SETS HIM ON THE COUCh. CHAUFFEUR May I ~se your telephone? MARGARET Why, certainly -- oertalnlyl CHAUFFEUR (INTO PHOME) I say.., wo~Id you be good enough to get me Wlndsov Castle? DANNY AND MARGARET LOOK AT EACH OTHER. DANNY CROSSES AND ~EEL8 LORD ASHLEY'S LEG. LORD ASHLEY It's the other leE. DANNY I know. I Just wanted to see If yol~ Wel.e WaX. FADE ONT* ATH01 00V893~
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---
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..... t~¸ ~•~-~ .......... -.~C> . ~..~- < M&KE ROOM FOR DADDY OT #rib (71) Subtitle: 'The Smugglers" . : ] CAST DANNY .......... .........,DA~qqY THOMAE MARGARE[ ....... .........,JEAN HAGEN TERRY,,,.,,...,, ..... °,.,S}~BRY JACKSON RUSTY,.......,...,o,,...,MUSTY HAMER STEWARD ..... o.oooo,, ..... WAITER°,....,,,,.,.,.,,,. 0USTOMS MAN°.,,,,,,,g..,, SETS INT. LONDON HOTEL ROOM INT, STATEROOM !}~. SHIP BEDROOM (0M LIVING ROOM) !~o CUSTOMS SHED ..-[ F-XT° OR INT. ELLIS ISLAND OPFICE (OR HALLWAY) • ] f~ T':40 '1 0OP8936
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THE ~4~RICAN TOBACCO COHPA~ PALL iiALL FA}iOBS UIGAkP;T!II~ Tv PlU~ #~h8 Oi~E MI 4~]TE OPEN ON FULL SHOT OF RUq[PUS ROOf:. CHZCK~RS TABLe] IN F.G. GROUP OF 2 HOYS & 2 GIRLS AROUND PIANO I~} BoG° DOLLY IN TO CLOSER S}{CT OF GROUP AEOU~ £/ANO. CU~'GS GOES I~0 SOLO CUT TO PALL [~%[L PACK, FULL SCREEN 3AME SHOT, GROUP JOINS IN SIi,[GING GROUP LIGHTS UP GAILY, LAUGKIk'6, SMOKB ~@ITH R~LISR. CA>I~RA DOLLIUS IF! SLIGHTLY FOR ADDED NOTION L[UGhT:~R FKCM GROUP~ PIANO INTRODUCTION TO JI DI~, CS~LIINGS: DonZt miss the fun of smoking~ Donlt miss the fun of smoking2 Mildness is a pleasure with PELL ~LL| ~! Don't ~ss the fun of smoking~ Donlt miss the fun of smokingJ Mildness is a pleasure with FELL } .~LL~ I~.RP~CE:(V.O.) Don't miss the fun of smoking. Mildness is a pleasure with PELL hELL, C}~PPF, LL: It rs the fun you may be missing in your pre~cant eigarette...beca~se . CUT TO (ANI[,MYIOE) HORIZON2AL "I~OCRS" ~t~TH ...for flavor and mildness . LEGEHE "FOR FLAVOR g~ ~iILDi£'3SS" (TOP SLIDE) "FINE TOBACCO FILTERS BI~]ST" (BOTTOM SLIDE) DOORS SPART TO OPBN !{EV[i'~LI~G SECTION OF LF~Fo CIG STARTS I~ I~° L<G~ S~ILL VISIBLE ON ~OORS DOORS OPE~ COMPLETELY, CIG ST~TS SLIDING T~RU CENTER OF L~AF IL~.F IN FULL FRAME. CIG HALF ~y T,~LqU LF~F SMOK~ ARRCNS PASS T~U CIGARETTE CUT TO GROUP AROUND PIA,'[O, ~ITH G~,IINGS LUADI~ TH~ INtO JZ.','GLE ;DOLLY 124 PC C~SEN Sn~ .B QRO[P Pd 12d(~S, DSb%~.'JU O[; G!GARETT~]S, ACglON . GO TO CHECKERS TABLE CUT TO CU OF PACK SL!N)~NO ON C~CKZRS TABIX SUPEg WO[US AN SPOHE4~ - fine tobacco filters best. PELL ~LL~s natural filter - greater length of traditionally fine tobaccos - - travels the smoke further . - filters the smoke and makes it mild. go... GROUP: Donlt miss the fun of smoking: Don't miss the fun of ~moking: Mildne~ is a pleasure with PZLL [qLL~ (Z~D JIVGLE) K~RRICE:(V.U.) Yes, don~t miss the fun ~f ~oking~ l~idness is a pleasure with PELL ~,~4~,1 See for yourself~ CHAP~ELL: Buy - PELL ~LL in the dis- tlnguished red package t~dayo PELL I~LL Famous Cigarettes . Outstanding - ~ARRICZ: And - they are mild~ R]'~O I OO;~893 ?
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"~KE ROOM FOR DADDY ~#11B (71) Subtitle: "The Smugglers" . . • "k iz ~k" • r - ~ k.*.~"~-~FC~"¸ . INT LORDOI, HOTEL ROOM DAY -: .+ .... THE BAGS AHE IN THE ROOM. M~GABET IS NOW FINISHI G ~. RACKING TKE STEAMER TRUNK, PLATING THINGS INTO %N~E~ -~ , DRA'~RSo TERRY AND RUSTY ARE WITH HER, HELP~3~G,~BL~ .... .. M~ROARET " . '-,~ ... "'~ . - - Terry, wna~ are you doln~? ~"" TERRY Just emptyln~ this ~rawer Mo~y. MAROAP~ What for? TERRY ~'m only trying ~o help. MARGABEq Just let me handle it. With you~ hel~ we'll neve~ ~e~ back ~ ];NO I 007899 t]
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2~ MABGA~T (CONT'D) ulated a lot of s~uff here in ~gland~ [ [~". k.'~. the luggage i~ going to weigh 3000 pounds. gUSTY ~1omn~, now much is a pound? ~RGARET Sixteen. RUSTY Then zn6 elevator man WaS wrong, MARGARET Why ? RUSTY " - .... He said ~wo dollars and eighty- ~en~s~ MARGARET Honey, one's s pound and the othe~'s a pound. B~tj one's money a~d onels weight, RUSTY Well3 I weigh seventy-fo~r pounds• How much am I worth? MARGARET ~at's zhe difference? Nobody would ever pay it. That reminds me I've got to go deign and ex- change our money at the desk. And do me a favor don't touch anything i..% ; -, (MORE) ; : ; ~] T ,~'~ 0 '1 0028939
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£, • 3. u~til I get back. bDIHGAHET EXITS. TERRY (~[~0 RUSTY. I'Ii lock the :]oo~, you get him. SHE ELIJS FOk THE DOOR3 LOCKS IT Ah~D RUSTY GOES I~[TO TI[L!E F~DR00M. TALKS AS SHE DOES SO TOWARD RUSTY. TERRY RU~tyj yOU i.eallze We1~e D~ea~inE ~h~ ]d ['v~n if he did give it ~o us. RUS~Y C0~.[~.~ OUT OF T~ BEDROOM WITH A SMALL SIZE CAT. RUSTY .... ~tj s Niec M~'. Whiskers. Nice M~' Whiskers ~ "-.~[.~'~%,~ (TO TE[tRY) DOD'~ say that~ • -~.: You go% Mr. Whlske~s scared.'Don't -- • , r{ wor~y, ~,. 5Pniske~s, I'13 ge~ you ~C TERRY %,H~at do you meat~ I? He's half m:ne. It was my idea to take him. RUSTY Ycah, rut the elcvato~ m~n gave him to me. TEF~Y All right, all right. He's 9eth of ou~-,s. But where are we going to p~t hi~? Mommy wouldn't let me empty out that drawer. f]]~O'l 007'8940
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HUSTY That Wasl~It a~y good a~yhow. WGUldrllt bc able to hi~eathe~ TE]~Y Well. }~at can you do? RUSTY (PEFfS ]AT NEXT TO ~[%RGARET'~ He f]]:*{O! 00289,%1
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(" Yoah. SHF RUSTY TEP~Y pyjamae and goovn bmushes ~nd put Mr. (TH~ PUT PU~S CAq IN BAG. We,ll pu< and thlngs rn this bsg Whlsko~s in this one. fIR° ~ISKERS IN ONE) THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR. TERI4Y Ge~ hlm ou~ of sight. No~, ~onlt glve it away. Keep a stralght faoe. Let ~e talk OPENS THE DOOR. -I~RGA}iZT OOMES.MANO}[ING iN~ NOT TOO NAPPY, I~AVRS DOOR OPEN, MARGABEq What's the door locked for? TERRY Was It? We dldn~t even kno~. b~RGARET (NOTICFS Tb~ BAGS. THEY ARE EACH HOLDIXG ONE NOW) 'aims are you doing with those? TEF~RY We're gofng to he grown up and carry CUl own hags &nd ~ot be a burden to you. DAN}~ ENTERS D.R~SS~D TO 9~ETH. ::/! ~L f]],";L I 00Pt1942
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6. DANNY VERY JOLLY AS HE FINGERS THE HAT N KEA[ I say, old chaps. It's a bit of a bl!Eh~y b]iEht, 6nj what? RUSTY (ENGLISH) It sure is an~ a merry Picklilly to you. DAKNY It's P~cadilly, old boy. Pica-dl]]y. RUSTY PIOR ~n£ your self. I like PickliIly. DANNY ','/h~t io you think the boys will say when they seom mc llke this MARGARET i ~now you'd de anything for a ~ut you're no~ gettlng off ~ne dreased !~ke that, are yeu. DANNY I cartaln]y am. MARGAP~T In tha~ cas~ i know ex-~etly what theyl ii say. DA NN~/ What ? On Bz,oadway • _ .: ~. drcssod ..... :~ ......... laugh. ,y, -~-, !!t/2 MARGARET '~ Thetle goes RrltairPs revenge for • ~ the Boston Toa .~arty• ~ : ~<' :'~,'~ ~ : • DISSOLVE TO " ~ ~ • ~ _ ~[~ ~i~ ~'j. = r] l :~{O'l OOPtI943
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C I~[?. STATEROOM - NIGHT .... " "~[; :" " ~-/ MOST OF SHE LUGGAGE HAS BEEN PLACED IN ROOM.~:" MAR6ARZ~::']=~ ET AND DANI~ ENTER, FOLLOWED ~BY STEWARD ~ARRYING TW( MO}L~ ~&~LE PIECE5, AND RUSTY AND TE~Y WITI~ AIR-/ ~.-O - PL~.~E BAGS AND THE HAT BOX, , .. ~ : • . ~I~RGARET Oh, ~hi~ Is a lovely s~a~eroom~ . "~ • ]. Danny. (NOTICES DOORS OFF IT) living :,oom a~d wwc bedroomsL I.iasnlt ~his 2wfu!iy exi)enslve on a host? DAN~X Ehl STEWARD Well it would have cost a hat full IIa'am except it's the custom of the eDerato~s of this line te give this • .. suite free of ~harge to entertainers.~ ~ !: ~ q~ ~t of the shlp's 6once,t,.: -~J ~k~:!~- i~
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S C • r ¢ . ~iARGA~T HE TIP~ LOOKS ~T DANr~. Ehl ~RGARET DA~DZ {TC STE:~RD) I~y don't you tell th~ whole ship? NOW HEAR ~I[~SI NOW HEAR THIS E~ERTAINEI~ H~ADLI~S SHIP'S CONCERT BECAUSE ~00 CHEA? I'0 PAY PASSAGEI THE STEWA~, I~IO F~IT£ MARGAS~ (TO RUS~] Com~ on~ Russ I'll ~ak~ ~na~ ba~ from you. RUSTY QUICK~ PULi~ BACK. ~: RUGq~ No~ tKank yau° I'll carry ~t. A bay g~ age should be self- ~e!i~ct ~d ~o~ d~pend on h~s ~iders for help. ~ARGARET AND DA~D~ STARE AT HIM. DA~D~ We have~r~ even welghed a~chor ~d h~s 3~asickl TERRY We're just ~ryin~ to help out~ Daddy. "~e~l carry our Own ba~3 to our room a~d unpack them all by ourselves, so that you a~d Mothe~ will have time ~o relax. We:don,t want to be a burden. ~, : : ,~ :~- ~1:40~ 007'8945
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J9 ( DANNY (IIORRIEDI~, TO MARGARET) Yo~ sure we trought the right children? (TO RUS~, ~iEACHING b'0]l BAd) Come on, ]111 caP~y it in for you. RUSTY [PULLING IT AWAY) NO, ] wouldn [ want you to ~t~,ai~ yourself, What? On DANNY little bag like that? TERRY I heard of a man your age who was 3us~ trying to scrazcn his back and dislocated his collarbcne and h~oke his neok. DAk~ What is this? I.~RGARRT ~J~at do ~ou mean, what is this. Theylre happy uo De on ~elr way home ana they're trying to be swee~ ~nd he1~Cul. Okay, kids, ~ou unpac~ your thiD~s a~d weIil da ours. Dan~y2 bring that big bag of mine into the b~droom. DA~ PICKS IT UP. ,;9.. < f]] ~'~0"1 0071[]946
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30. DA~ Okay. (TO RUSqmf} I'~at are you sta=~Jng at~ i p~omise you, iihcn I dislocate my collarbone, you'll be the first to know. }~g EXITS !~0 BEDROOM WITH ~LqRSARET, TERRY TIPTOES TO DOOE~ CLOSES IT GE)~TLY~ HU~IES RACK TO RUS~. TH~EY SET ~:,LE HOmbURG BOX 0N TI~E FLOOR AND START TO U~rlE IT. ~RGARET OPENS TH~ DOOR AND LOOKS IN, MARGARET Hey, k~ds. RUST~ JU~S A FOOT. RUSTY MARGARET Rusty, what's w~ong with you? i'm so happy to be on the way home, llm Just going yow WOW, ~RGAZ~T (DUBIOUSLY) Oh, We!l~ don't get too happy or yo~ may break your sollaroc:e. You kids better get ready for dinDer S~'~, DZSAPFEARS~ CLOSING THE DOOR~ THE KIDS ~AV~ A SIGH, ZERRY OPENS THE BOX° RUSTY TA~S A CARTON OUT OF THE HATBOX, RUSTY Here's h~s milk -- should ! ! :~ give it to him? , : . :: :( nF:401 002894-2
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,%, I] TEH}{Y Nc -- wait 9111 we Ae~ him in bur roo~ (SHE SHAKES CARTON) Ice, there isn't much loft ADd we,r$ Eo~n~ to be on ~ne bo~t five d~ys. RUSTY Her]] he ~mngmy. I get hungry ~£ I don't ea~ for five m~nutes. TERRY krell~ X~ Mr. ~fnlskers h~s o~ appotlte, ~nere isn't enough food on the boat for both of you. ~. -$-- ;- ./ HUSI~ '~'hat'll we do? TERRY WelA~ ~I ~very meal3 wel~l hs~ ~¢ steal a little food for Mr. Whi~ker~ ~nd bri~ it down to hi~ RUSTY All we~ve been able tc eat so far is s~rdiDe~. TEPJ~Y ~ybe w~ can fcr~e him to eat stesk. A ~OAT ~.'ISTLE SOUNDS. RUSTY What r s that? TEPJ{Y CROSSES TO PORTHOLE° 5~ • .L • [11 }{O ~ 00, 89,~-8
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f• ? <•~ •. /:.:' ~C![:~/:' ~i¸ , •: ¸• : : 12. TERRY Wc'rc weighing anchorl I~b. Whiskers say goodbye £o England -- you're ¢n your way to the United States of America[ RUSTY Sweet Land of Libe~ty -- and sardlnesl SH ~K~ H-I ~FOS DIS$OI&~] TO: ip.. 11,~01 00P~949
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15. l}[f. STATEROOM DAY A TABT~ HAS B~EN SET FOR DREAKI~AST A~ZD DANNY', - . 5t~RGAF~ZT, RUS~IY AND TEILRy SITTIh'@ AROUND ROOM. WAITER Good morrling~ good ~o~nlng, ,'L,.--{.~-o, good morn~Ig. I brought you your ~orn1~g :~ol~fco. ~JCW WF~a~; ~8 20',3 havi~E fo: breakfast sir? DA}g~f It doesn'9 matte~' what i haveau$~:' ~ give me plenty of i~. Ch this won- appetite. WAITER We1~ s~r., yOUlI! h~ e ~l_n~y Cf time to indulge it between here and .New ]]:401 O0;~BT-qO
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DANNY Wontt it be wonderful to see the Statue of Llberty with her arm upraisod ilghtln~ our way to free- dom. (HE $EEr~ TO HOLD THEM SPELL- BOUND AS THEY LOOK UP TO HIM) "Give me your tired, your poo~, Your huddledmasses }'earning to breathe free The wPetohed refuse of your teeming shore Send these, the homeless, tempest toss,t to n~ I lift my lamp beside the golden doo~I" (TRIUMPHANTLY HE LOOm AT THE TRANSFLXF/}EYES) BUSTY l'm huDgry. DANNY You heap me reciting a Doem llke that and all you can say is I'm hungry. BUSTY if I don't eat, I'll dlel ~RGARET We'd bette~ order. I ll just have some orange Juloes French toast (MORE) 14.
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) tl¸ and coffee. DANNY Oh, the usual breakfast. Large orange Juice, eggs with ham and a couple of strips of bacon with hashed b~own potatoes, a few slloes Of toastj some cereal w~th bananas, half and half, pot Of Coffee, sweet rolls and whatever Jams you have. (AGAIN T}~ TABLE IS TRANSFIXED AS BEFORE) MARGARET You expecting to be electrocuted? When you bring his order also bring a large rook so we can b~lance the boat. DANNY Do you mind if I eat. I'm still growing. MARGARET Z know, but iD the w~ong places, What will you have Russ? (TO RUSTY) RUSTY I1~l have sardi~est DAN%~ & MARGARET What? RUSTY A double order. ~RGAP~ET (CONT'D) Danny what do you wa~t? 15. f~] :RO I 00P0957
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d WAITER A double order of sardines? RUSTY Itrs the sea ai~, DA~ I'll ~e~ air you in a minute. You'll have oatmeal and ra~lk. RUSTY All rlgh%. I'll have oatmeal a~Jd milk and sat.dines° DANNY 0oooooo. You'~ have oatmeal and milk. RUS~f All rlght. IIii have oatmeal and milk ...... and sardines TERRY And I'll have the same. DANNY Oatmeal and sardines with milk. ~XO~ 8e rle, ~ F~XITS. DISSOLVE TO: ~6.
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17. INT, SHIP BEDROOM (OR LI~£NG ROOK) - DAY TERRY, EUSTY, AND T}[E CAT AT A BOWL OF MILK. STAND BETWEEN BEDS. TEP~Y Did you see the way he went through those sardines? RUS~Y Mr. Whiskers got an appetite bigger than Daddy's. And he doesn't get seasick. TERRY PrO[d nOW on We'll have to orde~ sardines for every meal. He Just wontt eat anything else. RUSTY He's got a one-track stomach. THEY f] ] b~O 1 OOP[I9 54-
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~8. TERRY AYe you sure Mommy and D~ddy a~e up on the top deck? RUSTY l saw them Just before we came down. They were sltti~g in deck chairs, and Mor~ had on her red hat and Daddy had on h~s green Pace. TERRY Well, we'll have to be careful° (S~IE HIDES MILK PLATE) We've got to cle~n everythiog up. YOH take those sardine caos and thl,ow them over the rail. RUS~ All right. }~ GATHERS UP SARDINE CANS FROM FLOOR, OPENS HAT- BOX AND TAKES 0%~£ SOME MOREI AND STARTS FOR DOOR. TF~Ry (OVER ABOVE) Them we have to see if the coast is clear so we can take M~. Whiskers for a walk. RUSTY I don't know if we should. It might give him an appetite. TERRY Well, he's ~ to go for a walk. ~]'1HO 1 0073B 9 5y~
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19. RUS~I IS ABOUT TO OPEN THE DOOR WHEN IT OPENS AND ~RGAR~ COMES IN, BUMPS INtO HIM. RUSTY JUMPS A FOOT AND DROPS THE SARDINE CANS. MARGARET What have you got Rustyi there? RUSTY I was hunsry so I went to the kitchen and got a snack. ~L~RGAB~T PICKS UP A CAN, MARGARET Eight cans of sardines? RUSTY I'm a g~owlng boy. TERRy HAS HIDDEN THE OAT BEHIND HER. MARGARET YOU~II be growing fins soon] (SHE LOOKS AT TERRY) What,s going on here? What's that saucer of milk for? TF~RRy It's for --- (THINKING HARD) It:s for -- (FINALLY) It's for a game we're playing. Rusty i8 a oat and Itm feeding him. (QUICKLY) Show her, Rusty. RUSTY BE GETS DOWN ON AI~L FOURS AND STARTS R0R ~{E SAUCER 09" MIi~[, ~1:401 007E~956
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}~USTY ~IeOW, S0o~ ]I~I a 0atl CAT WHICH }[AS BEEN PI,ACEI~ IN OT}IER ~OOM CO~;S IN JOINS RUSS AT SAUCER, MARGARET Who ~s that? }~USTY That'~ n~Y brother[ TERRY Where d~d you got it? }~USTY }le's our bo~t frlcnd f~'om the hotel. We smuggled h~m or~ board. MAHGAP~;T No~! I u~derstand about those sardines. }~ut why e~ght cans? ~{USTY }le's a gl, ow1ng cat. qERHY Mother~ can't we keep Nr. Whiskers.~ We love h~m. We wsnt to take h~m to America wlth us. MARGAI~A' 3 don~t k~ow what you~ fathel~ w~i] say about this. 20. • -~ kI C ~ -.L (If ><0 ) 00, ;z, 3 ~,
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TERRy Oh, mother~ please help ~s. Talk to him. Maybe you can find some way to get a~ound him. ~IARGARET Well, get him out of sight Tom the time being. I'll see what I oa~ do. TERRY You'll manage Mommy. You always do. TF~ DOOR OPENS AND A SICK DANNY ENTERS. MARGARET flow do you feel dear? DANNY A little better. I guess I can manage a Gup Of clear bz.oth for lunch. MARGARET Sit downj Dsnny. DANNY (SENSING SOMETHING) What.s the matte~? MARGARET We're going to have a new addition to ou~ family. DANNY Jb%IPS UP AND RUSHES OVER TO MABGARET. DANNY Don't be silly. I'm Just sea sick. NTH01 00?8958
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Danny: oat, A what? He,s MARGARET Ihn talking about a DANNY TERRY black and white. RUSTY And his name Is Mr. Whiskers, ~RGARET it child~ez. In ~hildreD fell in love We~l, yoD know ehildren,~. Let me tel3 London the with s OaT. and you know eats. SO they b~ought this eat with them from London. DANNY (ANGRILY) They what? RUSTY That's why I ordered the sardines and oatmeal. (HE LAUGHS) DANNY 0ooooo. Don't say that. TERRY But Daddyl Wait 'till you see him. RUSTY DaddyI please, Itrs not even a eat. It's a kitty-oat. 22. F~T~.(O ] DANNY What.s that? 00,~959
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23. RUSTY It.s too big to be a kitty and ~oo small to be 8 oat. DANNY But big enough to ~et us all sen~ to Alcatraz. Kids. we can.t b~ing this eat into Amerloa. It's ~idlculous. It's Dot allowed. TERRY you're no~ allowed to bring him on board ship and we did. DANNY How ? TERRy In youP hat box. DANNY No wonder I thought n~ hats were sheddingl...Well. I Just gave you n~ ultimatum. Irm Dot getting into trouble for Mr. Whiskers, You.re giving him away. RUSTY I am not. Didn't you yourself say: Give us your tlredj your hungry -- DANNY That doesn't apply to eatsl i , f~l'~O I 00E'8960
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f~ J~ RUSTY Well, I promised Mm. Whiskers he's oomiug to America and I'm not breaking my promise, A }k~LL IS }~ARD OFFRCE~E, TERRY ThatTs the lunch bell. MARGAPJET Come on, Busty -- wee~e going to have lunch in the big dining room° RUSTY No, sir. I'm not going to eat 24. another thing until Daddy says Mr. Whiskers can Stay with us. DANNY If Rusty wants to go on a hunger strike, that=s up to him] Come on, Terry. llm going to have a big pi~ce of roast beef with g;.avy and lemon meringue pie and a ch3colate sundael,..If it kills me! F~RGARET Russ3 lemon meringue pie. THEY START FOR THE DOOR, MARGARET Dannyj I think Rusty is se~lous. th')" ,~ 01 007'8961
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7¸ DANNY Well~ I~m serious too. going to break any law 25. I~ not smuggling in a oat! It's time my children learned I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Russell, donlt think I,m going to weakenl You don't get one bite of food until you give up that catl HE HOLDS THE DOOR OPEN F0R THE OTHERS, THEY EXIT, SADLY~ LOOKING RACK AT RUSTY. DANNY RXITS~ CLOSING THE DOOR. RUSTY CLUTCHES THE CAT TO RIM. RUSTY Gee... I'm starving to death already, DISSOLVE T0~ AIH01 0028962
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• ~i~ , • ' • • • 26. 4 INT. STATEROOM - NIGHT CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL ~MAINDER OF ELABORATE ~AL, RUSTY IS TRYING TO DOWN_LAST INCH OF GLASS OF MILK, RUSTY . : WOWj I oanf~ m~k~ it. "~'; WAITER Wellj I'm glad yoH fIDished, Half a turkey 2 pieces of lemon meringue pie. I would have swo~n you had a hollow leg. RUSTY Well, I feel a lot better now and I certainly do appreolate what youlve done for me, • ,:- //::~•i• • . ~, ~ 1U401 0078963
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( 27,
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28. /- RUSTY Don't worry about me.°.As long as M~. Whiskers makes it. TERRY Gee RUSSI youire so brave. RUSTY Yeah, alnlt I. TERRY Well I better get back to the table before they miss me, TERRY EXITS, RUSTY STARTS TO OPEN CAN OF SARDINES FOR WNISh~RS. (TO CAT) Eat 'em slow ~. ' Whiskers. Donlt make a pig of yourself llke I did. I'm so full I can hardly move. MARGARET RUSTY MARGARET Hi, Rusty. Hi Money. SHE ENTERS WITH TRAY~ Hepe Sweetheart. A piece of pie and a glass OF milk~ but you've got to promise not to tell your Daddy. RUSTY (HURRIEDLY) I'm gonna telll ~ 1":,(01 00?8965
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I" What? ~i&ROAP~T you RUSTY I donVt want any food. I'm on a hunger strike. MARGARET Come here. (SHE GRABS RIM, HAVING SET TRAy DOWN) Russ, DOa DOa noj yo~rll starve to death if you don't eat. RUSTY I don't care. MARGARET Well, I do. You're eating - everything on this tray. Comc on° (SHE STARTS SHOVING STUFF IN HIS FACE) RUSTY Give some to Mr. Whiskers. MARGAHET Rusty, you drink this milk. need nourishment. SHE HOLDS A GLASS OF MILK TO HIS LIPS. MARGARET There. I bet you feel better now. I'll be back with some more food later. SHE STARTS FOR DOOR. HE DRINKS. ~9. f~ ]~ ~0"~ 007'8966
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¢ _iI 30. RUSTY Fine sir. DANNY I'm glad you feel fine. I thought of you every minute while I was eating. RUSTY Daddy, if It's all the sa~e to youj donlt mention food. DA~'NY When the walter brought in the shrimp cocktail I thought, Rusty should be here with me, to eat this delicious sh~i~ cocktail. RUSTY Daddy, stop -4 , ~u , ~ FI ]'~01 002096~~ RUS'I~ Come baok ~esday. SHE EXITS. EUS~ Gee, Mr. k~Iskersj a hunger strike sure is hard wo~k...espeolal~y if you're not hungry. C }IS TRIES TO EAT SO~ MORE~ T~ DOOR OPENS AND DANNY PEEKS IN. DANNY I'm convinced when a parent starts out punishing hls child • ~, he winds up punishinE himself : ~- How do you feel? ,
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7/ c 31o¸ DANDY (AT "S}SqI~ COCKTAIL" RUSTY GETS WOOZY) He should be having some of thi~i roast beet and Yo~kshlre pudding. RUSS PUTS HEAD UNDER pILLOW RUSTY 00000~ DA~ I know. }~nger pangs. And, Rustyt you should have seen thafi pJ.eoe of lumen meringue pie with real whipped cream. HEAD OUT FROM UNDER PILLOW. RUSTY Daddy, I donlt feel good. DANNY (}[E'S I~EEN BUILDING UP FOR THIS) Rusty, you've got to ge~ some food inside of youl RUSTY (STICKING HEAD BACKUNDER PILLOW) Uhhhh/~h. DANNY Look. (HE WHIPS S0~,~T~IING OUT OF HIS POCKMT) A hamburger[ RUSTY NOj nO, DANNY Rusty~ you'll die if you don't eat. , ...~ . !
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RUSTY I'll die if Idol DANNY Rusty.., does that cat mean that much to you.., youtll go without food? HUSTY Gladlyl GR;~S CAT AND CLUTCHES IT TO HIS BP~AST, DANNY I'm going to sit here until you finish every crumb. RUSTY Well all right. Mr. Whiskers you may get into ~ncrica, but I'ii never make it. DISSOLVE: 32, F f# ]" ~'~ 0 't OOF'B969
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33. INT. STATEROOM - DAY MARGARET AND DANNY WITH SHOEBOX. MARGARET But Danny, it seems so heartless. DANNY What do you mean heartless? We can't let him try to smuggle a cat through customs, can we? We gotta do something. MARGAP~ Why don't we reason with him. DANNY Lookj MugsI do it my way. Believe me I understand the way a boyTs mind works. I was one ~e~f once, Call him in. e~t 1 NO '1 00?89?0
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MARGARET But will the steward take care of Mm. Whiskers? DANNY Of course, he will he loves eats. Now call him in. MARGARET Oh RUSS, R~sty. RUSTY ENTERS. RUSTY What is it Mommy? DANNY Russ, you're n~ brave little boy, aren't you? RUSTY Why Daddy. DANNY You tell him Margaret. MARGAF~ET What do you mean I tell him? It was your idea. DANNY You're his mother aren't you? MARGAKET Well dear I don,t know how to tell you this. have to say it. fact I don't. DANNY What do you mean? I wish I didn't As a mtter of 34. f31 HOl 00?09?1
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• E MARGARET You lald it you hatch it. DANNY Look Euss. Mr. Whiskers had an acclde~t and he's gone on to a better life where all good cats go,°.where there is an unending supply of milk and sardines. RUSTY You mean something happened to Mr. Whiskers? MARGARET Yes dearj he had an accident. RUSTY What kind of an accident? MARGARET (TO DANNY) What kind of an accident? DAN~ Well, he was chasing his tall and Just as he caught it he snapped his colarbone, RUSTY I don't believe it. I don't believe it. DANNY He~e Russ# yo~ can see fo~ yourself. DANNY OPENS SHOEBOX AND SHUTS IT AT ONCE. 35- ~1 ~01 00?89?2
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L RUSTY Golly he snapped his head right off. RUS~q DISSOLVES IN TEARS. DANNY Wait a minute Russ. Don't cry like ~na~. DL~ING FOLLOWING SPEECH RUS~"f GRADUALLY STOPS SOBBING AND FASTENS ATTENTION ON DANNY. 36. ,t ,$, L
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~L DANNY Russ, liste~ to me..,You say you love Mr, Whlskers,.,Well, if you really love him, instead Of giving in to your natural sorrow youJd b~ace yourself like a nan and face up to your obligations. Youlve got to see to It that he has a dignified and beautiful funeral. Now fill tell you what we'll do. We'll have the steward get us an empty box and weZll fix the inside up real nice. And wetll have a first class burial at sea. WeIll drape a small BPitlsh flag over the box.., and the band will play.,, and the captain will put on his dress uniform with all the go~d braid and while the shlprs cPew stands at attention, he will make a very eloquent speech. And while the mi~ty sea below drones itls dramatic underscore, the drums will Poll and the trt~npeter will blow taps. And youlll let the box slide out from undep the flag into the sea...and Mr. Whiskers will (MORE) It] HOI 007~,9 P4
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~t DAW~ (c0NT'n) take his place alongside the many brave heart~ that arc asleep in the deep.., nestled in the arms of Davey Jones,,.And every year on the anniversary of Mr. Whiskers~ unfortunate c~d.., you and I will take a ride on the Staten Island ferry.., and when the ferry is out ~m the middle of the water we wall throw fo~get-me-nots on thc waves and let the tldc carry them over Mr. ~Iskcr~~ restln~ place. 3TA. n'l ,'4 0 "1 O0~'tl 9 PE;
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AT END OF DAk~ftg DESCRIPTIVE SPEECH OF BUEIAL CAT WALKS ON STAGE AND MEOWS. RUSTY Daddy, letls kill it. DANNY What? ~RGARET What did you expect? After that description I was looking forward to the funeral nkvself. RUSTY GRABS CAT AND HUGS TO BREAST. RUSTY was only fooling, Mr. Ignlskers° I1m glad that youl~e allve. YouI~e going to New York with me and llve forever, and ever and ever. DANNY He is not. This foolishness has got to end. N~. Whiskers is going to stay on board ship with the steward. I'm not going to be a party to the crime of smuggling. FLqRGARET But it's such a little crime~ DANNY There is no such thing as a little crime. A crime is a crime. The law of the land is the same for us as it is fo~ evemyone else. It must be ~esp~cted. 38. ~1 ~,'-{0"I 007'69P6
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MARGARET Remind me to write a letter to Washington to get you a medal. DISSOLVE TO: 39. f~3 ~<0 J 007'897'7
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INT. CUSTOMS SHE) - AT THE LETTER 'IW" - DAY CUSTOMS OFFICER IS CLOSING LAST PIECE 0F FAMILYIS LUGGAGE WITH APPROPRIATE TECHNICAL PROCEDURE. C.O. Well, that does it, Mr. Williams. DANNY Everything to your satisfaction? C.O. Yes. You were under the limit or~ your personal purchases and everybhln~ else ~S In order. DANNY STARTS CLOSING THE OPEN LUGGAGE. MARGARET (O.S.) Children, ehIidren~ weVre ready. CHILDREN COME FN(~{ OFF STAGE %rERy DOWNCAST.
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i MARGARET Where were you? TERRY We were just looking at the sh~p. RUSTY We thought NLa~be We could catch a last look at Mr. whX~kers. MARGARET ~le33, yOU made a home run with the customs bureau bu~ you struck out with your kids, Some father. I hope youtre proud of yourself. DANNY I am. I stood up for my principals. I anl not like those people who a~e law abiding cltizens only when Itls convenient for them. You may not roalizc it but you have all gained something from the example I have set for you. You may have lost a kitten but yourve gained a new set of prinelpals. LOUD CLEAR MEOW IS HEARD. MARGARET Rusty, yOU didnlt. 41.
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# THE ~/~ERICAN TOBACCO CO*,~ANY PALL ~LL FANOUS CIGAIE2fCS TV PI~ #146 OP~ M I ~"JTE OPEN ON TWO TEDiqP~T~IIEj BANN~S FROM TRUMPETS RSADING "PALL MALL" • OUT TO Ii~RCMIID FIGUP~$, S!~JGINO, OAfC~YING FLOAT WIIH pALL MALL PACK C IT TO AI,IO~}~R S~CY!ON OF PARADE i~!TH BANNE~ ~[~II~3 "SM¢OTH", "I~LD" CUT TO CU OF I,I~HER$ SINGINO CUT TO ~NOTHSR S!~?~flON OF I'~RADE~ CAPdlyINO STRS~J@]R: "ENJOY S~OCfI~R SFDKING" CUT TO ANO~EI% S~CTION OF P.~,$~j WITH BANq~RS "CHOO-~E WISELY", CEOOSE I~LL" CUT TO ANOTHER SECTIOi~ OF PAgARE, BANA.m~RS R~DI~: "FOR F~]SHLY-LIT FLAVOR" CUT TO T~]REI~ MA.WCI~ES SINGING CUT TC i%.~0 SQUADS OF FOUR ~,~N E~CH, CARRYING BANN~RS RL~DINO "PALL ~4ALL" OFFICER SI~PS lifO FOREGROUND), WITH PACK OI~IICE2 S~LUTY~ B~]SID~ PACi( PULL B%CK SLIGHTLY TO iUCLIYoE SP~;OARD 2EADI~#G "OUTST;I~D!kD". ~TE~R YARCH~P~ POP IN FR~i S~ WITH C~S R~]I~ "AID ~{~Y AR~ i~I~" IN ~.vNO (OPSh~)D FANFZ .~ ) (CHORUS) We ,torch as we slr~ Of a £ine ~i~are~%e ... It's smooth an~ i%Is mild Iris the bes% you ~n ge~| Enjoy smoother smoking - 0hoose wisely - choose wel For fr~shly-ll% flavor Jus~ ask for PELL ~F~LL, FELL hELL| PELL ~LL| Smoke lon~e~ and finer and milde~ PELL ~,VlL. CHAP~ELL~ (V.0o) Don~% miss %he f~n of smoking, Mildness is a p!easure t~ p~LL I~LI, Famous C±~ret%e~, C~PIELL~ Ou~standi~| H~q~IHE, And - they ~re mil_..~d~ % 8T~01 00?8980
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\ RUSTY SHAKES HEAD NO. MARGARET Terry? TERRy S}IAEP:S HER HEAD NO. ANOTHER ~CW ~S HEAPd), ALL EYES SWlVhL TO DANNY. CUSTOMS OFFICER REACHES I~ AND DEAWS JUT 3A~ FROM DANNY'S COAT. DISSOLVE q 3: i•
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---
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TERRY Poor Pierre. Kept on Ellis island fo~ ~ix week~. It feels ~ke ~ lifetime. RUSTY To Pierre ~ Is a l~fet~me. MARGARE~ "\ j can't understand wbatis keeping your father. He's been insldc Po~ hail an hour. THE DOOR OPENS AND OUT S(~4ES DANNY. HE CARRIES AN ANIMAL CASk. THE KIDS JUMP ALL OVER llIM WITH, "DADDY, YOU GUT HIM~ YOUtF~ WONDERFUI.I MARGARET You sure took a]ong, time. DANNY And there was a good reason. OPENS BOX. OU'] COMES M~. WHISK~/HS AND ~'IVK LI~fLE KITTENS. RUSTY Mr. ~iskcrs is a ~Irs. k FADE OUT. f]] ~<OI O0;'Bgl] 3
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THE DANNY THOMAS 9/:).i/55 SHOW "MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitle: "The Big Shot" !JRITTEN BY JOEL KANE and BARNEY SLATER RTH01 00?8984
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\ "MA]~ ROOM FOR DADDY" BIG SHOT OAS__~T IvC~.RGA~'T.,.,,. o.,, j. JEAN HAGEN TEP~Y~. ~ * * t. * o i. *. 6 * S}~:Y JACKSON OFFICER I~i~DR r0Ksi. JUDGE PA~EP, SON, ~.. ° INT. LIVING ROOM INT. DANNY'S CLUB llkm4~. BEDROOM ATK01 00P8985
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THE J~EEICAN TOBACCO C0~A~E PALL ~L F~COB CIOA.~]BTES OPEN ON FULL SHOT OF 2 ~0YS, 2 GIRIS AS THEY FALL IN FOE DANCE COUPLVS STAKT DANCE, SING, ,SUPER: "DON=T MISS THE FUN OF SMOKII~" ACROSS LOWER ~DiLF OF FRA~ GROUP SINGING AND DANDINS CUT TO CU OF P~LL MALL PACK. SUPZR: "~IILDNESS IS A PLeaSURE ~IITE PALL I~LL'r CLOSER SHOT OF D~NCE,~S, AS THEY RELY, LIGHT UP CUT TO (~NL~@TION) HORITO;~TAL "DOORS'~ WITH I~G~ "FOR FLAVOR AND ~LDEESS" (TOP SLIDE) "FI~ TOBACCO FIL~ BEST" (BOTTOM SLIDE) DOORS START TO OPBN }t~V~LING S~CTION OF L~AF. CIG STARTS IN I.F/T. LEG~D STILL VISIBLE ON DOORS DOORS OPEN CDMPLNTF~Y, CIG SPARTS SLIDING TP~U CENTER OF LEAF LEAF IN FULL FRAI,~. CIG R*~LF ~rAY THROUGH LEAF SMOKE AERCWS HAS3 THRU CIGARETTE CUT TO HA~D HOLDING PALL MALL "GHOST" HAND WITH NDGUIAR SIZE gIG FOPS IN, TEEN OUT SUPER "FAIJ~ I~LL" AND "~rHA MILIINF~S" AS INDICATZD BACK TO HAND WITH PALL :L~LL ALONE POP IN "GEOST"MAND ~TH KING SIZE CZG, THEN OUT SUPER "PALL It'LL" AND "BICHKH FLAVOR" AS I~ICATED BACK TO HALED %'~TH PALL ~'~A~ ALONE POP IN "GHOST" HAND I,~IH F!LT~R CIG~ THEN OUT TV FIU.I #15o ONE MINUTE I~£RO TO JINDLE GROUP: Don't miss the fun of smokins~ Don't miss the fun of smoking| ~idness is a pleasure with FELL ]~LLI (~ JI~LE) CMAPPELL=(V.0°) Yes, mildness is a pleasure with PELL NELL . beoause - ,..for flavor and mildness . - fine tobacco filters best. PELL MELLIs natural filter - greater length of traditionally fine tobaccos - - travels the smoke further - - filters the smoke and makes it mild. Compare pELL ~4ELL . - with ar~F reg~ar cigarette,.. HAR~ICE: - for extra mildness, CEAPPELL: With any - King-size cigarette N~RHICE: - for ricRsr flavor, CHAP~LL: With any - Filter cigarette - CO~ 'D RT~01 00P8986
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TV FILM # 150 PAGE 2 SUPER "PALL i.~LL" A~) "GREATER SATISFACTIOn' AS INDICATED CUT TO MCU OF T~O PKOPL~ FR~ DANCE SEQUENCE, S~iOKI~.lO ~AI~K ~NJOYMENr CUT TO CU OF PACK SUPER "OUTSTANDINQ - AND THEY ARE MILD" IN SY~ HARRICE: J for greater smoking satisfaction, CREPPELL: Donlt miss the fun of smo}dng, HAREICEM Mildness is a pleasure with pELL ~IL° OHAPFELLz Buy PELL FY~LL Famous Cigarettes in the distinguished red package today~ Out stendlng - HARRIOKz - and they are mildJ F~T:~O 1 00?8.98?
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"MAE~ ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitle= "The Big Shot" r FADE IN: In. lAVING ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON MARGARET SETS OK COUCH WITH SE~ING BASE~T IN HER LAP. RUSTY AND TERRY ARE STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM. RUSTY MOLDS A BOOK IN HIS HANDS. TERRY FACES HINj GLARING. RUSTY This is oornyl Itm not gonna read any mo~e of thls mushy love stuff out loud! TERRY Rusty, you promIBed| You don't have to liste~ to the words, Just read them. Mows ao~ on. RTH01 OO28988
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BUSTY (GRUDGINGLY) Oh, all riEht. But when we get to the stuff about kissing -- that,s ontl TERRY Okay, okay. Now let's start at the top of the page. Uh, uh... (GROPING FOR WORDS) What,s the first word of Queen Elizabeth's farewell speeoh? RUSTY Goodbye. Oh, Rustyl MARGARET Don't make stuff up. Just read what,s written. RUSTY (READING SOFt'WHAT pA]~-~ULLYFROM BOOK) Sir Walter, before you leave on your Journey to the new world, I -- Ohj yes. NOW I remember. (THROWING HERSELe INTO THE PART) Sir Walter, before you leave on your Journey to the new wo~id, I wlsh to thank you for your klndnesD and devotion to your Queen. you have been (MORE) RTX01 00?8989
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3o TERRY (CONY'D) unswe~vlng in your dutyt loy~it courteo~sj kind, 8 man 8 WOman can trust.., and believe i~.., and Despeeto.. CARRIED AWAY WITH HER DRAMATICS, S~ ADVANCES CLOSE TO RUSTY, WHO BACKS AWAYs FRIGHTENED. RUSTY (SOA~) Remember now, no kisslngl MARGARET Don't fight back so hard, Rusty -- in a few years youtre going to enjoy it. RUSTY Seen, you hono~ me° TERRY (SWINGING BACK I~O PART) Sir Walter, your ehlvalrous aotion in Rutting your oape in the mud to save your Queen from embarrassment must not go unrewarded. Tell me, Milord -- how can I show my appreolatlon for what you have done? RUSTY Wow about getting the cape cleaned? It.s a mess. ATM01 00?8990
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41 AT THIS POINT, DANNY A~D JESSE E~R FROM OUTSIDE HALL, BOTH WEARING HATS AND COATS~ DANNY Stop laughing, at least let me tell the Joke first. RUSTY RUNS TO DANNY, F~fS HIS ARMS AROUND HIM. RUSTY Hi, Daddy. Hello, Hi, kids. TERBY Uncle Jesse. JESSE How are you, Margaret? MARGARET Fine, Jesse. Hi, d~ar. X thought you said you wouldn't be coming home for dinner tonight. DANNY Oh, we,re not staying. I Just stopped by to pick up some special arrangements I'm using tonight at the club. }~ GOES TO PIANO, LEAFS THROUGH SHEET MUSIC6 JESSE The whole plaae has been bought out for a benefit fo~ retired city employees or something llke that. All the big shots will be there -- the Mayor~ the Distrie~ Attorney, the City EnEinee~, Merton Fogelquist... AT~Ol OO78991
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RUSTY Who's Merton Fogelqulst? JESSE I don't know. I Just threw him in to see if you were paying attention. (HE LAUGHS IT UP) DANNY (LOOKS DISDAINFULLy AT JESSE) Pleasej Jesse, You're the Agent. I'm the oomedian. JESSE No_E he tells me! DANNY (TAKING SHEET OFMUSIC OUT OF STACK) Oh, here it is, They ought to go for this number. (HE CROSSES TO MARGARET) Honey, you didn't k~ow your husband WaS such a b~ shot, did you? The olub's all sold out at i00 buoks a plate.,, a~d what do you think was the blg att@sotlon? MARGARET The T-Bone steaks? DANNY Very f~nnyo l'm the big attraction, I,.__~m the one they're coming to see ... and Iim dellelous without ketchup. 5, ATe01 OO?8992
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6e THE DOORBELL RINGS. DANNY I'll get it. HE OPENS THE D00E TO REVEAL A I/NIPOR~D POLI(~MAN. DANNY Helloj C~floe~. ~NDRiOKS How do you doj sir, Is that your gray and blue Dodge parked across the street? DANNY (HIS AFFABILITY VANISHING, CAUTIOUSLY) Is it in a leading zo~e? HENDNICES NO, DANNY Too olose to a hydrant? HE~RIOKS No. DANNY Too far from the curb? HENDNICES Nos the oarls all right, DANNY (RELIEVED, AFFABLE AGAIN) Well, then, in that oasej yes -- It'~ car. Hey# no nesd to stand o~ in the hal1, Officer. Oome on in. AT~OI 00?8993
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7o }~NDRICKS ERTI~S ROOMs TAKING OFF HAT. KERDRIOKS I'm Officer Hendrloks, the police- man on this beat. DANNY l'm Danny Williams, HE INDICATES FAMILY. MARGARET NODS TO HENDRIC~. HENDRICKS I know yous Mr, Williams,,, I know your two kids better, Hit Ter~yo,o RuSty. MARGARET Is Rusty in some sort of trouble, officer? HENDRICKS Not Mrs, Williams, The baseball season is over, Itts harder to break a window with a football. JESSE If youS~e selling tickets to something, I'm the man to talk to - IIm his agents Jesse Leeds. JESSE CROSSES TO SHAKE HANDS WITH HENDRICKS. HENDRICKS (AS ~ SKAGS HANDS WITH JESSE) Jesse Leeds. DO you spell Jesse with an "i-e" at the end? Or Just an "e"? ATe01 00?8994
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JESSE (WARMLy) Just an "e.'' It was my g~andfather's name. You see, he was the one in the family with money3 and-- (OC~SATION TRAILS OFF AS HE SEES WHAT HENDRIOKS IS DOING) HENDRIOKS REACHES INTO HIP pOCKeT, BOOK, STARTS TO WRITEj JESSE (so o) doing? (CAL Y) Hey, what are you HENDRIOKS Writing you out a oitatlon, I~. leeds. JESSE A citation??; X For what??l [ DANNY (HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER) For impersonating an agent, what else? (HE LAUGHS MC~) Don't worry, kid. Ma~garet,ll bake you a cake with a file in it. (RE LAUGHS STZLL M E) HENDRICES TEARS 07TATION FROM BOOK, TURNS TO DANNY. HF~DRICKS Mr. Williams... 8e PRODUCY~S CITATION HANDS IT TO JESSE, RT~01 0078995
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DANNY (STILL LAUGHING) Yes? HENDRICKS ZS your legal DaMe "DanDy" or "~nlel" ? DANNY It's Danny. It looks better on the marquee that way so I -- (CONVERSATION PETERS OUT AS h~ 0BSE~VES ~NDRICKS ) HENDRICKS BEGINS WELTING OUT ANOI~ER CITATION. DANNY Hey, what 8re you doing? HENDRIGKS I'm writing yo~ out a oitstion, Mr. Williams. DANNY You!re givin, me a tioket? For what? W~at'd I do? I didn't do anything, JESSE (LAUGHING) Relax, kid. Maybe ~garet'll bake two 0ake8. (HE LA~S S~ MORE) HENDRICKS FINISHES WRITING OUT TICEET~ DANNY. DANNY What's this for? You said the ca~ was ~II rlght4 ~e HANGS IT TO RTK01 0078996
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I0. The oa~fs fine but when the two of you got out of its you c~ossed the street in the middle of the blook ~Ight in front of a "no ~ay walklng"slgn. I followed you up here to give you these oi~a~ions6 ~! JESSE Say walking??Jl Of all the rldloulo~s things to -- DANNY (ANGRY, B2EAEXNG IN) I never heard of sueh a thlngl I've been crosslng in the mlddle of the blook for years and I never saw any slgnl DANNY AND JESSE AD LIB A FEW OHOI(~, NOISY BEMARKS WHILE QLARINO AT HE~RICKSi MARaARET GRABS DANNY'~ SLEEVE. MARGAP~ET NOWs oalm dow~j Danny. YOU~ tOOs JesSe, ~e~18 ~0 reason to get exoited. DANNY No ~eason to get exoited??il All over the olty o~Imlnals are robbing banks and murde:uiDg people and he wastes tsxpayerst money writlng o~t tiokets for two honest altlzensl AT)~O I 007899?
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JESSE Do I look like the criminal type? ~RICKS SHOOTS HIM A QUIZZIOAL LOOK. DANNY (TO HENDRXCKS) Now~ let me tell you sam ething, you!re not gonna ge~ away wi~h thls. JESSE Thatls right. We got influenoe. We know some pretty important people, don't you, Danny? We sure do. (TO HENDRZCK8) ~%V~ I'll have you pounding 8 beat so far out In the sticks they'll have to deliver your mall by Pony Expressl MARGARET Danny, take the tloket and forget about it. Just pay the fine. It.s not worth ~ii thls fuss. DA~rNY 0h, nol Danny Williams, the cltizen~ i~n't going to teke thls lying down. I didn't see any "no Jay walking" signs and l'm not going to let him force his way into my house and push me around. ~Jm i~ooentl llo RTH01 007B998
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MARGARET Dears he dld~tt fo~oe hls way In. You invited him. DANNY (S~"JTTERING) Well, I... l... well, he got in under false pretenses! When I invited hlm i~, how dld I know he was golng to give me a ticket? ~ND~OKS (TU}G~IN~ TO LEAVE) Wet1, I guess IId better get back on the beat. You!ll have to appear in coumt next Thursday at I0. JESSE Next Thursday??|l That's imposslble~ We.re playing a date In Chloagol H~/DRIOKS (STARTS TO EXIT) I'm sorry b~t therels nothlng I can do about it. DANNY (FRIE~LY, INDICAT~qG 0HAIR) Just a minute there, 0ffloe~ Hsnd~icks. Why dontt we discuss this llke adults? Here, have a seat, 12. flTF~O 1 0078999
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~3- HENDRIOKS Well, I shoul______~d be getting back. DANNY This will only take a moment. Go ahead~ Off~cer~ sit down° KENDRIOKS SHHUGS~ SITS DOWN, DANNY (TURNING ON THE OHARM) There, thatts it. Oare for a smoke? OFgERS CIGARETTE TO HENDRIOK8, WHO AO~PTS XT~ DANNY TAKES CIGARETTE FOR HIMSELF, LIGHTS BOTH OF THEM. h~NDRIOEB Thanks# Mr. Wi111amm. DANNY Itls a pleasure. Offioe~ Hend~lokss I think we were both little hasty a few minutes ago. But new -- in the llght o£ o~im refleotlen -- I think theme is something you ought to know... for yo~ own good. Yo~ seej I am not wlthout infl~enoe in this to~m. I.m ~ good ~rlend of the Mayor and the pollee 0ommlsslo~er a~d various other important people. I~ fact# I~m doing ~ beneflt performance for them this vsmy evening. A~d since you a~e obviously a ha~d wo~klmEa (MORE) F~I"MO I OO?9000
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14. DAm~ (CO~'O) oonsclentious public servant -- who likes my children -- I feel it,s my duty to warn you that I'm in a position to cause you a g~eat deal of trouble by simply dropping a word or two to the right people. SO why don't we do the right thing and forget the entire unpleasant hatter ? Harem? OFFICER ~NDRICKS FIXES A FIRM STARE ON DANNY CAI~4LY REACHES INTO HIS POCk, TAKES OIF~ A O~ATION BOOK AND STARTS WRZTIE~ DANNY HeyI what aMe you doing? HENDRIOKS I'm writing you a citation for attempting to influence add Interfere wlth a police officer in the performance of his duty. HE KEEPS WRITING. DANNY Now you listen to me, you... you, HENDRICN~ (CONTINUING TO WRITE) Additional charge: using abusive language to an officer. I oan put that on the same oltation. ATe01 0079001
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JESSE (PUSHING DANNY ASIDE, THEN ANGRILY, WAVING FINGER AT ~.~DRICKS) Newj you listen to ~ej you.** you -- P~RICF~ THROWS DAN~Y A LOOK, JESSE (CAI~IN~ DOWN) Ohs forge~ At. O~e tloket'~ all T can af£o~d. P~ LOOF~ AT DANNY AFOLOGETIOALLY. DANNY (TO HE~RIC~CS) All mi~h%a wait till I talk to my f~le~d the Polloe Oommissionerj ~ill -- HENDRIOES COA~INUES TO ~RI'T~, HE.RICKS Tell him that us boys o~ the force ave doing our duty.., (~ RZ~ESj NANGS DANNY T~ TIO~T) .°. and so~ti~es it i~nft eaBy. DANNY Okeyj yo~ had your c~noe. come on, Jesse, we,d better ~et moving. It's after six. ~NDRICKS STOPSj TURNS BACK TOWARDS DANNY, 15.
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16. ~NDRICKS After slx? That means your oar is ove~parked. I!ll have to write you out anothe~ ticket° But I don't want you to be late so I'll put it on the windshield of your aar. WelI, give lem a good show tonight and my regards to the 0ommisslonero Good evening. HE SALUTES SMARTLY, EXITS~ 0LOSING DOOR B~I~ HIM. THERE IS A STUNNED SILENCE, THEN -- RUSTY Daddy, if you leave now, you ~an be ove~ the border by sundown. DANNY (COLDIX, DEADLY) I am not a vindietive man. I pay my taxes. I vote in all national, state and munloi~al eleotlons. I try to obey all the laws in my conununity. (WORKING HIMSELF UP) But when an injustice llke this ooours# I am a tige~ on the loose, an avenging k~Ight. IIll fight this through if I have to take it to the highest Oourt in the landl RUSTY Attaboy, Daddy! Nobody's gonna push my Daddy around. I~ 1":401 00,"9003
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DANNY YoU said ltl MARGARET Danny, do you ~emembe~ the story you tell in the club about the little man who threw ~ gum wrapper in the street and wound ~p in Alcatraz for ninety-nine years beoaus@ he wouldnlt pay the two dollar fine? DANNY So? (SIGHS) MARGARET So why don't you pay the two dollars? F-~P~A~D, DANNY OLA~ AT HER AS WE DISSOLVE; :17. RTH01 0079004
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18. INT. DANNY'S CLUB Th~ CLUB IS ~ULLI DANNY STANDS IN CENTER OP FLOOR, IN FRO~F~ OF MICROPHONE~ IN SPOTLIGHT. HE IS WEARING TUXEDO~ WE HEAR APPLAUSE AND LAOOHTER AS WE OPEN. DANNY yourre 8 wonder~ul~ wond~Pf~l audie~oe, lem supposed to be doing a benefit for you but you ~ke me fe~l llke youtre doi~E a be~eflt for mej Yo~Ire Ereat ° HE TAEES A pIEC@ OF pAPER ODT OF HIS POCEET. DANNY And now I've got a ~equest here from my friend, the Polioe Co~nlssloner. (WAVING TOWARD AODIENC~) Hi, ~. Commlsslaner. ATH01 0029005
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19. DAN (CO ,D) (TO AUDIENCE) I'II read it to you. (READS WITH IRISH DIALECT) "Sure and begorra, Danny me boy --" (NORMAL DIALECT) How do you like that? When they,re on the Police Force, they even write with an Irish dialect. (BRADS AGAiNj IRISH DIALECT) "Danny me boy -- far be it from me to tell you what to sing but if you don,t sing ,Paddy Pinnagan's Wake, for the lads on the force, my advice to you is -- turn in your driver,s license." DANNY PUTS PAFER BACK IN POGEBT* DANNY (GOING ON, NORMAL VOICE) Well, I donrt Gate who it is -- he can't tell me what to sIDgX So -- maestro? Let's sing -- ~hj ~h -- how about "paddy Fi~neganls Wake" ? DANNY SINGS "PADDY P~AN'S WAKE" AFTER NU~j AUDIENCE APPLAUDS, DA~ BOWS, WAVES# AND A~ER THE AppLAUSE HAS DI~ OUT~ WALKS TO A RINGSIDE TABLE. JESSE IS SEATED AT THE TABLE WITH TWO DISTINGUISHED LOOKING MIDDLE AG~ ~N. ORE OF MEN Y~ ~. GARRISON# THE POLICE O0~SIC~. OTHER IS JUDGE PATTERSON. ATH01 0079006
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JESSE Danny, We wowed Jl~g M~. Williams, we're very grateful to you. THEY SHA~ HANDS, nANNY Thanks, Judge Patterson. l,m always glad to help out a werthy cause. (TO OARRISON) Well, Mr. Cen~ulssioner, you got your ~equest. I hope' youal~ forgive m~ Irish dialeotj but I don't really warm up till St. Patriek,s day. THEY SHAEE HANDS, SIT DOWN. QARRI~0N Just keep singing it and you,ll wind up as the fPiend of every policeman on the foree. DANNY (LATHS) IS t~t So? A Couple of hours ago I was P~blio ~emie8 One Through Ten. GARRISON Oh? What was the trouble? 20. F~T~O 1 00?900?
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DANNY (TOSSING IT OFF) A policeman gave me a tieket~ that!s all, and I got a little hot up. It was nothing. JESSE Nothing -- what do you mean, nothing$ He was handing out tickets like he got a rate on carload lots. DANNY (LIGHTLY) Well, I was msd then. (TO CO~SSIONER) Would you believe it, I was so mad that I even threatened to have him moved to a beat out in Siberia somewhere? (LAUGHS) JESSE It would have served him right, too. We've got to play a date in Chicago starting Thursday and that's when that cop, Nendrioks, Badge #722, says ~e.ve got to show up in eourtL GARRISON If this is going to inconvenience you, Danny, I'll be glad to look into the matter. 21. RTMOl 00,'9008
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DANNY Oh, no, I wouldn't want to put yo~ to any tmoublej Conu~isslo~er. ~SSE Danny~ if the sonm~ssloner insists I don,t think we have any rl@ht to obst~ot Justloe. HE PUTS H~S ARM AROUND 00~41SSIONERIS SHOULDER~ GIVES DANNY A WINK, DANNY Well... JESSE Wemd apples!ate anything you san doa OommlssdonePj for us. A~d by the way, if thene's anything we can do for you -- llke another benefit oF M, OI e dinner or get you tickets for the football games o~ theatre, or wash your ca~ -- don't hesitate to oall on Danny. He loves stuff like that -- don't yous Danny boy? DANNY DOES A SMALL TASE, THEN SMI~ HAPPI~ AT JESSE A~ WE DISSOLVE TO: ATX01 0079009
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23. INT, DANNY AND MARGARETtS BEDROOM - DAY DANNY IS PACING UP AND DOWN IN fRONT ~ MAFGARETs WHO SITs ON BEDj GLARING AT HIM U~APPILY. DANNY °.°but honeys I dldn't te1~1 the commissioner to have ~hat oop t~ansferred out to Staten Island° I was Just kiddlng about i~S a~d I guess he took me eerlously° You k~ow how it is when a fellow hss i~fIuenoe° MARGARET So now ~he poor man is patro111ng a beat $~ the middle of the sand dunes Just beoause you wsDted to ac~ like a big sho~. ~T~01 0079010
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DANNY That's not true. i was perfectly willing to forget about the whole thing. Con I help it if the Co,~Issloner is trying to get on the good side of me? But I'ii say one thing -- that cop had it coming to him. HE PICKS UP CIGARETTE PROM TABLE, LIGHTS IT. DANNY (CONT'D) By the way, w111 you remind me to send the commissioner's wife an a~tegraphed picture? T~ DOOR OPENS, RUSTY AND TERRY ENTER, OARRYING S6~OOL BOOKS, ALL AD LIB OREETY/~GS, MARGARET Terryj werenlt you going to stay after sohool and rehearse for the try-outs of the show? TE~Ry I changed m~ mind. I donat need any more rehearsals for a ~;ry out. DANNY What kind of talk is that? An actor alweys needs more rehearsal. How're you going to get the part if you don,t rehearse? RT~OI 00?9011
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TERRY Irll get it3 dontt worry. I Just dropped a few subtle hints to the d~amatlcs teacher. DANNY What kind of subtle hints? TERRY Oh.. ° you know -- things llke, my daddyls Danny Williamss and if I don't get the part I'm not too sure heTll sing for anymore school assemblies. DANNY (BEWILDERED) Terry, are you using me to blaokmall your way Into the show? RUSTY Boys Influence s~re works, MARGARET How do you know? RUSTY If you got Influenoe, you might as well use It. Daddy~ Mou should~ve heard me talk to that goofy old safety monitor yesterday when he tried to tell me I couldn't cross the street till he put the sign up. ATX01 00P9012
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DANNY (STILL SHOCKED) What'd you do? RUSTY I crossed it anyhow - so he gave me a note to repo~t to the tesoher for punishment 8nd I tore it up. I told him: "My daddyls Danny Williama~ end if you report me to the teacher you'll be out of a Job. DANNY YOU said tha__~t$ RUSTY Sure, You think I want to write 500 times I will not cross the street without permission! (TO MARGARET) Heys Mommy~ I'm hungry. Got anythlr~ to eat? MARGARET There's some choaolate cake in the kitohen. But Just one piece. YOU have so~e# tOO# T~rry, THE KIDS EXIT. MARGARET LOOKS SHARPLY AT DANNY. MARGARET Proud of your handiwork, Mr. Influence? 26. AT)~01 00;'9013
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DANNY (OVERWHELMED) Margaret, do you realize what,s happenln@ be your children? MARGARET They're ou__~r children. It takes two to tengoj y~know. DANNY Who do they think they are? Privileged eharaoters? Just because their fatherrs done a few favors for the scheol~ MARGARET Why not?.., their father thinks he's a privileged @haraeter. DANNY Now hold the phone... MARGARET There's been a lot of activity around here lately. Remember? Tickets have been fixed... Polieemen have been shanghaied. Jay-walkers have gone all the way to the Police Conauissloner trying to get out of paying the two dollars.,. ~7. RTX01 002901,4.
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HE EXITS DANNY That was differ@Dr| X was Just using my influence to make sure that right ~evailed! MARGARET Terry and Rusty are taking after their father. They think theylre ~ight, too. go they,re not going to follow the r~leej like ordinar_~ kids. They,re golng to be different - they:,re going to be llke their father. BRISKIXTOLIV'INGROOM. ZS. MARGARET FO~0WS. AT~01 00P9015
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29. INT. LIVING ROOM AS DANNY AND ~RGARET ENTER. DANNY (CALLING) Rusty| Terryl Come on in here, 7 want to ~alk to you l DANNY PACES I~ATIENTIX AS RUSTY ENTERS FROM KITCHEN~ MUNCHINQ A SLICE OF OAKEm AND TERRY ENT~ FROM H~ ROOM, MARGARET SITS. DANNY (C0NT'D) Sit d~n, bo%h of you| THEY SITo DANNY FACES THEMa ANGRILY, DANNY (CONT'D) (PENT-UP FURY) Who do TOU kids think you are? Whet m~ke8 you thi~ that you have a ~ight to.,, ~TX01 0079016
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MARGARET Easy, Dan~y. It won,t do any good to yell at them. DANNY (CALMING DOWN) Terry, what would you think of a girl who tries to get out of doing things all the other girls do Just because her father happens to have a little Influence? TERRY A glrl llke that i~ a orth~b. DANNY And Rusty, what do you think of a boy who wontt follow r~les because he thinks hers better than the other kids? RUSTY lid think he was a stinker. DANNY How do you do, MiSS C~u~b, a~d how do you do0 Mr. Stinker. Don't you kids know the whole world is run by rules? It ha__sss to be, or we wouldn,t be able to drive our ears or walk on the streets or go to sleep at night without worrying ~hat (MORE) 30. RT~01 0079017
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DANNY (OO~'D) somebodyt~ going to come in 8rid steal everything we own.' We take advantage of all the oz~o~ things the rule8 do fo~ usooo 80 weIve got no right to break them Just because we feel like it. RUSS So what do we do bow? DANNY Terry, I want you to work as hard as you possibly can to get that part on your own talent. And if you ever try to use me as a black- Jack again, 1111 talk to your dramatics teacher and make s~ve you never get a part as long as you're in that sohoel| TERRY (SIGHS) Okay, Daddy, but... DANNY Rusty, youUre going to make up for itj you're going to apologize to that safety monitor, and tell him you.re going to take your punishment. 31. ATH01 007'901B
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RUSTY Okay, I~ii take my punishment ... but I'm not going to like it. TEPm~ I don't see why we have to do all these things. Yo.__~u broke rules -- Officer Hendrlsks said so -- and~You got away with it. Why oanJt we? DANNY (INDIONANTLY) both of you| differentl (CHIDING) Now look here, M~ ease was entirely MARGAR~ In other words, do~t do llke your Daddy does, do llke he says. DANNY That policeman forced his way in here and -- (CATCHING HIMSELF) You kDow something, you're right, kids. MY case was no different from yours. I was t~ying to get out of following rules, too. I had no right to kick up a fuss about those tickets, add I had no right to have Officer Hendmioks punished. ATH01 0029019
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RUSTY How are you going to make up for it, Daddy? MARGARET The children ere going to pay for their mistakes. How are you going to pay for yours? DANNY I... I.., What Could I dO? RUSTY Get Officer Hendrleks moved back here. All of us kids like him. DANNY That's out of the question. TERRY But why? You said you were wrong when you had him eent out there. DANNY It's too big a favor to ask - I Just Couldn't do it. RUSTY You're m~ki~g ~B do things we don't want to do, MAROA~T Would you children go into your room for a moment, pleaBe? I want to talk to your father, alone. $3. ATH01 00?9020
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$4. TEERY AND RUSTY RISE TO EXIT, RUSTY I.., llm awful disappointed in you, RUSTY AND TERRY ~ITo MARGARET STARES UNHAPPInY AT DANNY, DANNY Stop looklnE,!at me like a melancholy bloodhound, MARGARET Wonderful father yo~ are - ~ina example you set for your children - Big i~ortant man - lots of influence - For what? To fix traffic tiokets and to railroad poor policemen? DANNY Margametj I could never ask the Commissioner to do a thlr~ llke that for me. lld have to play a thousand benefits in Peturn, MARGARET Dontt tell me - tall the children. MARGARET WALKS OUT LEAVING A DISCONSOLATE DANNY, PAUSES FOR A MOME~2~ ~ GOES q~) %~rlE PH0~ AND DIALS. DANNY Hello Mr. Commissioner - This is Danny Williams. Finea and you? The other nIEht you (MORE) RTX01 0029021
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DANNY (CO}Ff ' D) me~tioD~d dolng a bene£~ for the Police Athle$1o Fund. yesS lld be glad to -- What? Oh? DISSOLVE: $5. AI"MO 1 002'9022
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36. INT. DANNY'S BEDROOM DANNY IS SPRAWLED ON BED, IS WEARING SLACKS A~) A SHIRT. STREET CLOTHES. JESSE Hey# Danny, wake upl Youlve gotta put on a show rot ~he Highway Patrol Club in an hour. HE SHAKES DANNY. DANNY (MUMBLING, HALF-ASLEEP) Thank you, ladies a~d gentlemen. Itls a pleasure to b~ here tonIEht and to gPeet you on behalf of... JESSE SHA~.S HI2~ AGAIN. FACE BURIED IN PILLOW. HE JESSE ~ERS, WEARING R/~01 00?9023
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JESSE Danny, you canlt go on this way, You're gonna wind up with a nervous breakdown. And~ what,s worse, with all the shows youlre doing for free for the Police Department~ we have~It got time to do any for money. ~! DAh~Y SITS UP, GROGGY. DANNY To get that offioer b~k on this beat I~ve got to soften up the Commissioner, and this is the only way I can do it. JESSE Him, youSre softening up. You, you,re dlslntegrati~gl Do you realize that in the last week you've appeared at a benefit, three testimonial dinners and acted as ~mpire in the annual tug-of-wa~ contest between the Homicide Divisdon and the Bunco Squad! DANNY Yeah, I'm pooped. JESSE ~enls the Commissioner sending that cop back here? 37, RTHO'I 0079024
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DA~ GETS OF, STAGG~I~S TO DPJ~j STARTS TO ON TIE. DANNY Well... as a matter of fact, I haven't had the nerve to a~k him yet. I've talked to h~s asBi~tant and to the Capta$~ o~t on ~taten Island b~t they say it's up to the Cc~ssioner himself to make the t~anm~er. They say he's tough about s~ch thlngs -- I'm gonna hit him t onlght. DANNY GRABS JACKET HANGING ON CHAIRa PUTS IT ON. THEY EXIT TO LIVING ROOM° 38. PUT ATe01 00F9025
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39. INT. LIVING ROOM AS DANNY AND JESSE ENTER. TERRy, RUSTY AND MARGARET ARE SITTING ABOUT TH~ ROOM. MARGARET Wherels the 0o~m~issionerls pet going tonight, Jesse." Tolaunoh a new safety zone or to oPown Miss Double Parklng of 19559 DANNY Never mind the funnies. Whewl The price of infl~enoel Youlv~ got to work so hard for it that by the time you land it youlz~ in no shape to enjoy It l DOOR BELL RINGS. RE STAGGERS TO DOOR, OPENS IT. OFFICER ERNDRICKS STANDS THERE~ ENTERS ROOMI REMOV- ING HAT. RTX01 0079026
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HENDRIOKS HOW do you do, Mr. Williams. Good evening, folks. RUSTY Officer HendrloksJ Daddy[ ~! (ECSTATIC) You did it, DANNY Officer Hendrlcksl Come Inj come inl Youlre °o. youtre back on the beat again. Jesse, lookl Itts hlml He's back] The Commissioner must have heard. No more benefltsa no mo~e -- HENDEICKS No, llm not back on the beat, Mr. Williams. DANNY (CFLESTFALLEN) You're not back? HENDRICES Some of the boys at headquarters told me that you1~e trying to get me moved back here. JESSE Well, yes. You see, Mr. Williams figured he owed it to you after gettln~ you transferred out to Staten Island. 40, A"[)~O 1 0079027
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HE~gICK3 H qegot me transferred out to Staten Island? DANNY Now, donlt get mad] I knol~ I shouldnlt have done it~ but I'm gonna make up for it by getting you back here if it.s the lest thing Idol HEhDRiCES Thetis very nice of you, Mr. Williams, but therels one thing you ought to know. DANNY What's that? HE~HICKS yo_~udidnSt set me moved to Staten Island. I live out there and I've had an application for transfer on file for five years. It finally came through last week. My wife and kids are happy to have me so close to home. SO, Mr. Williams# do me a favor -- Just leave me alone. DANNY But... ~ut... but.., the CommissioneP... 41. Ar ~01 00?9028
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HE~RXCKS The Con~nlssloner wouldnlt have a man transferred llke that. He doesnJt believQ in giving special favors -- even to his friends. JESSE Oh, no? Wellj he got us out of those tickets you gave us. ~ HEhDBICKS No, he dldnlt. He Just got you a postponement so you could make your trip to Chicago. You111 be hearing from the Department in a few days about the new time for your court appearance. I know, because 1.11 have to come in and testify against you. DANNY, A SHAE~N MAN, SINKS DAZEDLY INTO A cHAIR. DANNY But the tickets -- we... we tore them up. NENDRICKS (SHAKING HIS HEAD) You shouldntt have done that. The Judge doesnlt look kindly on people who destroy their citations. He may be a little mough on you. Well, I~d better be going. Nice to see you all. IBye. RT~401 00?9029
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HE STARTS TOWARDS DOC~. ALL AD LIB G(~DB~. HENDRICKS Oh, by the w~y, Mr. Willla~s -- I notloed when I was downstalrs that your' c~r is ovemparked in &n hotbT zone. DANNY (CLAPPING ~AND TO FOREHEAD) Itls been there all day. I forgot all about Itl RUSTY Are you sonna give Daddy anothe~ ticket? HE~DRICKS No, not this time. DANNY (m~i~) ~at's 8omet~. ~EICKS I told the new pollce~n on the beat to take care of it. Wellj goodbye. HE SALUTES~ EXITS. SILENCE. DISSOLVE. 43. THERE ~ A MOMENT OP STUNNED MARGARET Anybody want to buy some slightly d~aged influence -- cheap? (TAG TO ~OLLOW) A "[ :,-(01 00?9030
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THE DANNY THOMAS SHOW ~ri F.~ ~T D~ #13B (73) "MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtitle: "Loulsefs Surprise Pa~ty" WRITTEN BY MAC BENOFF OTHOI OO79031
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MAKE ROOM FOR Df~DDY D~ #IBB (73) Subtitle: "LouIsels Su~prise Fatty" CAS___ZT DANNY ...... ~ ................ DANNY TH(~AS MARGARET .................... JEAN HAGEN TERRY .................... , .. SHERRY JACKSON RUSTY ....................... RUSTY HAMER LOUISE ...................... MISS DAY .................... MAID ........................ s~r__~s INT. EMPLOYMENT OFFICE INT. LIVING ROOM INT. KITCHEN INT, RUSTY'S BEDROOM RT~01 00?9032
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T5~ A~Z~RICAK TOBACCO COMPACT/ /ALL iJILL F~IOBS CIG~[IET~$ ONE PliSSE OPEN ON FULL SH@T OF R~IPUS ROOM. CHECEERS TABLE IN F.O. GROUP OF 2 BOYS & 2 |IRIS AROUND PIA~rO IN BoGo DOLLY IN TO CLOSER SHOT OF GROUP A~OLK~D PIANO° CU~;INGS GOES I~rO SOLO OUT TO FALL ~tLL PACK, FU~L ECREKN S:L~ SHOT, GROUP JOINS IN SINGING GROUP LIGHTS UP GAILY~ LAUGHIng= SMOKE ~TH ~LISE. CA:,~IRA DOLLIIS IN SLIGRTLY FOR ADDED MOTION LAUGhT~E FRO4 GROUP, pIAMO I~TRODUCTION TO JI ~GI~ C~.IINGSI Don~t :'~ss the fun of smoking| DonTt miss the fun of smoking| Mildness is a pleasure with PELL 7~CLL| GROUP: Don~t .~'~ss t~ fun of smoking| Donlt m~ss the fun of smoking| ~EdnBss is a pleasure '~.tb YELL ~LL| HA~IGE:(V.O.) Don't miss the fun af smo~ng. ~ldness is a pleasure wi~h PDLL M~ILL, C}~PPE, LL~ It rs the fun you may be ~dssin~ in your present cIgarette...b~cause - CUT TO (AOT>ITION) HORIZO~WPAL ,,DOORS" WITH ..,for flavor and mildness - LEG,~D "FOR FLAVOR A~ ~XLBNERS" (TOP SZEDE) "FI~) TOBACCO FILTERS BSST" (BOTTOM SLIDE) DOORS STAE~ TO OPZN ~VBALI~G SECTION OF L~F. GIG STARTS IN ~FT. L:G~ND STILL VISIBLE ON DOORS DOORS O~N COMPLETELY, GIG SP~RTS SLIDI>D THE8 CENTER OF L~3~F i~F IN FULL ?~. GIG MA~/ BAy TNRU LEAF SHOK~ ARROWS PASS THRU CIGARETTE CUT TO ~RCUP AROU~© PIA;,D~ ~ITE OS~INRS L~DIPG IH~ INTO JI!IGLE OOLLy IN ZO CLOSER SECT ~S GROUP RELtV.6S, DSAv:S 0~[ OIGARP~TTES. ACCION - DO TO CHECKERS TAPLE CUT TO CC OF PACK STANDING OM C~CKEDS T~IE SUPEE WORLS AS SPOKEN - fine tobacco filters best. PELL ~JBLL~s nat~al filter - greater lenEth of traditionally fine tobaccos - . travals the smoke further - . filters the smoke and makes it mild. SO.GO GRBBP: DonVS mi~ the fun of s~klng~ Don't miss the fun of ~mokln~ Mildnes~ is a pleasure with PDLL ~--LL! (~D JINGI~) ~?~%!CE:(V.O.) Yes, don't miss the fun of smok~.ng| Mildness is a pleasure with pDLL I,,2LL| See for yourselfl CHAPiELL: B~y - FELL ~LL in the dis- tin~ulshed red package tuday. PELL ~,~LL Famous Cigarettes - Outstanding - RARRICE: And - they a~ mild~ 8TMO~ 00P9033
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MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY Subtitle: "Louisels Surprise Pa~ty" INTERIOR - EMPLOYMENT OFFICE - DAY LOUISE AND AN INTERVIEWEE, MISS DAY, ARE IN A SMALL ROOM. MISS DAY (PLEASANTLY) NOW Louise, tell me, frankly, why do you WSnt to lesve bhe Willlams family? LOUISE (SERIOUSLY) The fsot is I do - I'm just not talking about it. MISS DAY (LOOKING AT QUESTIONAIRE) Doesn't Mr. Williams pay well? AT;KO 1 00?9034.
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LOUISE I'Ii say he does. Mr. Williom~ oomes £~om a long llne o£ payers... Why even when he was too broke to pay, I never was owed so much money so fsstl MISS DAY Then why should you glve up such an excellent position with a family you evidently like. HoW long have you been with them? LOUISE Well, let me see, exaotly. I went to work fop the Willlsmses when Mr. Williams was playing 8S tbe,,.no, he~d been fired from there[...Mrs. Williams wss...wlth...no, she'd already had the bsby.°.They'd Just moved in 8nd...I was...thet makes me...My, my l And Terry... Terry wag knee high to Mrs. Williams, and Rusty, has he (LAUGHS) He was knee high to Ter~yl (REALLy LAUGHING) Crawling s~o~d llke a little bug. I used to ~Iok him ~p and to~s him -- (SODDENLY "vERY SEF~OUS) Eight yeBrs exactlyl 2, tgTXO 1 00?9035
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MISS DAY Terry...and Rusty...are the Willlams children? LOUISE (~BY NONCHALANTLY) Hunh? Yes. They're the <~lldren. KISS DAY And your leaving has something to do with them. LOUISE Yes. (HUSKILY) That's it, all tieing. Those kids. As they grow older they don't need me any more, an~ if Shey don't need me any more, they don't love me any more, but I still love them. And the mere I stay srothnd that house the more I'm ~onna get hurt. MISS DAY I see. LOUISE You ~ow, a Io~ time aso I came to do a couple of days work - I stayed eight yea~s. 1~natts what that family's meant to me. 3. RTX01 007'9036
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MISS DAY Well, Louise, isn't it possible for you to see this as merely your Job? People have been on one Job for fifty years. LOUISE Honey, I ain't the kind that's satisfied with a wrist watch for 8arvlces rendered. I spread e lot of love around that place and I don't expect it to show up on my salary cheeks. (STARTS TO DRAMATIZE THE PICTURE) Why, you know, years ago when Mr. Williams was too b~oke to have a piano player to rehearse wlth him, I used to do it. He'd come home and say "Louise, whet you think of this song and that one?" and Mrs. Williams was always asking me for advice of one kind or another. Now, I'm nothing around that house. Nothlna. MISS DAY (AFTER A PAUSE) You feel better? FITH01 00?'903?
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LOUISE What do you mean? MISS DAY I have a £e¢ling you really didn't want to quit when you came in here. What you wsnted to do is get something o£f your chest. LOUISE Well, maybe. Terry gettin' to be such a big girl. I'm talking to her these days, and she don't even hear me, let alone not answer. And thst Rusty is impossible. Me's always sayinK "I'm net a baby any more". Why, when he gets married he'll still be a baby to me. MISS DAY Do you realize what kind of a blow it will he to the Williamses if you do quit, Louise? LOUISE Yeah... 5, R T)40'! 00?9038
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MISS DAY Why don't you think it over 8 few Says, Louise? Come On, now. See if you haven't gotten too severe an Impres- sion of whet's going on. LOUISE Well... MISS DAy (HANDS HER CARD) Here,s the 8gency number. Therers always someone here if I'm not. LOUISE Thanks. (SHE LINGERS) PHONE RINGS. MISS DAY ANSWERS. MISS DAY Hello, Day Employment Agency. Yes? Someone of high calibre, good references? You have no children? (SHE LOOKS AS LOUISE) LOUISE Well, don't look 8t m~ - I'm golngl (EXITS) 6, DISSOLVE nTHOI 00?9039
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7, INTERIOR - LIVING ?00M - NIGHT TERRY IS ON THE TELEPHONE, SEATED ON THE FLOORt NEXT TO THE ARM OF THE EASY CBAIE, TERRY (REALLY ENJOYING CONVERSATION) Yes? Yes? Then Jinmly said what? (GIGGLES) That's what he said to me. Then what happened? (SEE LISTENS QUIETLY AS DANNY COMES OUT OF THE BEDROOM WITH A NEWSPAPER. LOOKS AROUND, SEES NO ONE THERE) DANNY Ah. Some peace and quiet. (HE WALKS TO THE CHAIR° FLOPS DOWN. TERRY AND DANNY REACT AS THEY SEE EACH OTHER) f~ T:40| 00?9040
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8, TERRY ~QUICKLY) I've got to hang up now, Laurie - and you know whyt.,.. (SHE HANGS UP) RUS~ COMES 0n OF HIS B~ROOM. RUSTY (TO DANNY) Do you know take away? (COMES ODT WITH HOMEWORK BOOK) DANNY Take away who? TERRY He means subtraction. RUSTY mean takeaway. We Rot the worst teacher in the world. (LOOKS AT BOOR) She wants us to takeaway T3 from I~6. can I have the answer? TEg/~y Can I leave now? DANNY Can I have some peace and quiet? MARGARET ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN. OOES RIOHT FOR DANNYv S CHAIR. MARGARET Excuse me a minute. IIm looking for LouiseJs social security car4. DANNY Do I look like Louise? RT~01 0079041
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MARGARET (LOOKING AROUND FOR CARD) Danny, stop being silly. Stand up, will you? (HE STANDS) I happen to be paying the billsS and I mislaid it. I need it to pay our employer's tax for the quarter. (FEELS AROUND IN SEAT) I was sitting here. (SHE FEELS AROUND AND CONS UP WITH CARD) See? It fell down. DANNY Any other place you want me to move or am I allowed to stay in my own apartment? MARGARET No, I'm all through. Children, scat -- give Daddy some quiet. 0ooo, look. (SHE HAS BEEN LOOKING AT CARD) Day after tomorrow is Louise's birthday. TERRY LetVs buy her a present. RUSTY Letls make her a birthday party... DANNY (TO MARGARET) How come you never knew it was her birthday before? 9, FJTXO 1 00P9042
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MARGARET She never told me. No woman likes to give away her birthday, And besides, this is the first year we)ve been paying these taxes, RUSTY Wet11 put a lot of candles on the cake -- it111 look like a Christmas treel TERRY Rusty, shels not that old. Mommy, why dontt we make Louise a party? Sheld love It. DANNY It wouldn't be a bad idea. (GETTING WARMED UP) We could make her a surprise party. RUSTY Yes. And when she walks in we all yell (LOUD) SurpPlsel (SHOOTS IN DANNYIS EAR) DANNY Bolngl...One more yell llke that and she'll know it wherever she is. ~at about it, Muggs? MARGARET It would be wonderful. Although it,s hard to prepare a surprise party for her if shels in the house all the time. i0. RT~01 00?9043
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RUSTY Then let's tell herl DANNY You won't say a word. llve got the idea. We tell her itls a surprise party for Mommy. TERRY Oh, wonderful. She prepares the foods the tables the cake, everything, thinking itls for Mommy ,and it turns out to be her own surprise party. MARGARET And by that time she~s so tired she canlt enjoy itl DANNY Now wait a minute. You esn help her out. She'Ll be trying to cover up from you, and you make believe you donlt get anything. TERRY Mommtv, don't you get it? canmt you Just play dumb? (MARGARET LOOKS AT DANNY) DANNY Shels had fifteen years of experience...Are we all agreed? It's a pa~ty for Louise~ but we say it's fern Mommy so Louise dontt know. 11. RTX01 007904~
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ALL SAY AGREED. .RUSTY YELLS "YEAH". MARGARET This house is going to have more secrets than an F.B.I. file. DANNY (BUILDING IT UP IN GAIETY) O.K. Now whatever you kids doa please donlt let her get wise. TERRY We won't, This will be the biggest Surprise of her life. MARGARET The more I think of the idea the more I llke it. Louise deserves it, We owe it to her. DANNY When she comes in tonight Itll tell her about our plans for Mommy. Meanwhile we -- (DOOR SUDDENLY OPENS AND LOUISE ENTERS WITH HER OWN ~Y) LOUISE Good evening. (SHE SMILES BUT THEY HAVE DONE A cOMPLETE SWITCH AND SIT FROZEN-FACED. LOUISE, CONFUSED, EXITS THROUGH KITCHEN DOOR) 12, RTX01 00?9045
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13. DANNY You didn't have to put it on that much. IVll bet she thought we were all mad at her. NOW Illl go in and tell her about the party, (EXITS) MARGARET Itll finish my bills. (EXITS) RUSTY I'll have to do takeaways all alone. (EXITS) TERRY IMMEDIATELY IS ON TEE PHONE IN THE POSITION SHE HAD AT THE BEGINNING. HAS DIALED AND SPEAKSs RIGHT AFTER RUSTYI S EXIT, AS TEOU@H NOTHING MAD INTERVENEDi TERRY Hello, Laurie? This is Terry. The___qnwhat happened? DISSOLVE: RT~01 007'9046
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14. INT. KITCHEN - MORNING RUSTY ENTERS AS LOUISE IS SETTING TABLE. RUSTY Morning, Louise. LOUISE Well, good morning, my boy. My, bub you're up bright and early. How is everything? RUSTY Oh, you know. Row do you say it -- Cop& sopa. LOUISE (LAUGHS) Oopasetti. That means everything is Just fine -- couldntt be better. RUSTY Copasettl. RTH01 00?904,-'
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LOUISE Now you got it. (TERRY ENTERS) Well, here's another early bird. What are you two up to this morning? I~ulse, what Mommy? RUSTY should we get for TERRY LEAPS ON HIM WITH A LOUD "SHHH". IN THE QUIETEST WHISPER: RUSTY All right, wb~t should we get for Mo~y? LOUISE (OPENS THE KITCHEN DOOB AND LOOKS OUT~ THEN COM~S BACK IN, SHRUGS) I donTt know. TERRy AWj come onj I~ulse. You must have some idea. RUSTY Give us a teeny idea. LOUISE Honey, you could break up that teeny Into a million teeny weenles -- I still wouldn't know. TERRY Well... for instance., o you're a woman. What would you llke? 15. d NOW HE SAyS ~TH01 00?9048
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LOUISE Oh, Te~ry, now you startinI something. I suppose every woman has got some crazy notion~ of what sheld like. Me? I always did want to get me a red silk umbrella. RUSTY (EAGERLY) A red silk ~mbrella? What size? LOUISE (LAUGHS) Rusty, doll, they just come in one size -- red... that's for when it rains I could still always be looking up and see me that hot sun above. RUSTY And that makes everything copasetti? LOUISE You got it. Copasetti.°. but that don't help our problem any, Maybe your mothe~ would llke a little bracelet. Every woman likes that -- I do. Another thing you can get -- MARGARET ENTERS. 16. ATX01 0029049
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MARGARET (THEY LOOK AT HER AWKWARDLY) Good morning. Am I missinK anything? LOUISE (SQUIRMING, LAUGHS) We -- er -- we was Just talking. They w~s asking me what I'd like for a present. MARGAHET What I I (QUICELY) Louise, would you please go to Eustyls room and get me a sweater? RUST~ I'm not cold. MARGARET Get him a sweater. LOUISE But, Mrs. Williams, I~m Just serving breakfast. MARGAP~'T Please get him a sweater, Louise. TERRY I'll get it. MARGARET If I want you Itll ask for you. LOUISE That's all right. 1111 get it. SHE EXITS. 17. ATM01 0029050
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MARGARET (IMMEDIATELY) What's the matter with you? You see what you're making ms do? All because you can't keep your mouth closed. TERRY But, Mommy -- we were doing it beautifully. We were asking her what she'd want if she were you. RUSTY A bright silk red umbrella. MARGAP~ That's what she wants if she were me? RUSTY No, thatls if she were sh__ee. MARGARET Don't ask hem anything. You hear me? In fact, for the next day~ until the party, donlt talk to her. Stay away from he~. RUSTY All right. LOUISE ENTERS WITH A SWEATER. LOUISE Anything else you want? 18. ~TH01 0029051
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19. MARGARET No, thanks. That's wonder~l. (AS A JOKE) I really wanted to tell the children something I dldn~t wa~t you to hear. LOUISE (BUT LOUISE IS HURT AGAIN) ~ After being around this family as long as I have if you want to keep secrets, well... (TO RUSTY) What else you want for breakfast? Or is that a secret, too? RUSTY Er. If you don~t mind, Ilve had enough. Thank you. AND HE GETS UP ABRUPTLY AND LEAVES. TERRy Me, too. Thanks. (EXITS) LOUISE AND MARGARET LOOK AT EACH ~f~ER. LOUISE IS HURT, MARGARET DOESHtT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. DISSOLVE: ~TH01 00,-'9052
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20. INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING THE OUTER DOOR OFENS SLOWLY. TERRY PEEKS IN~ sEES NO ONE AROUND. ENTERS LIVING ROOM~ FOLLO~ BY RUSTY. SHE CARRIES A SMALL BOX AND HE IS TOTING WHAT IS EVIDENTLY AN [E4BHELLA, THEY LOOK KROi~ FURTIVELY AND START TO TIP-TOE OVER TO RUSTYtS BEDROOM. TERRY Nine o~clock~ You and your crazy idea to get a red umbrella. RUSTY That's what Louise wanted and that's what I got her. TERRy Three hours shopping. My present took ten minutes. RUSTY But mine Is beautiful. ~TM01 0079053
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TERRy • Shhh. RUSTY I1ve learned some takeaway. F~ll piggy bank, take away £ou~ elghty-flve equals empty piggy bank. FROM OFF SCENE CO~S THE VOICE OF LOUISE. Is that you? LOUISE TERRY 21. (TO RUSTY) Uh uh. Over here. THEY TOSS THE TWO GIFTS UNDE~ TNE COUGH AND SIT EIGHT ON THEM ACTING INNOCENT BUT LOOKING GUILTY AS HELL. LOUISE ENTERS FROM KITCHEN. LOUISE Where have you been? THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER. TERRy (SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH RUSTY) We stopped for an ice cream soda. RUSTY We went to the LOUISE You could get ninety days for tha$ answer alonel Well, what did you do? A 1"I~IO l 0079054
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22. (WITH BUSTY) movies. TERRY We went to the RUSTY (WITH TERRY) We stopped for an lee cream sodal LOUISE Oh no. More secrets. ~y I worry about you kids I'll never know. Let you go to the park at six and look what time you come back. TERRY We're old enough. You don't have to worry about us. LOUISE Don't tell me be's old, too. RUSTY I~m not old but I'm smart] LOUISE Off to bed you go, right away. Come on, Rusty. Come on, Terry. SHE MAKES AN EFFORT TO ACCOMPANY THEM OR PULL THEM BUT THEY WON'T MOVE. SHEIS SURPRISED AND THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO COVER. TERRY Louise, you donlt have to make me go. lim old enough to go alone. RT~Ol 00F9055
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25. LOUISE HtLh? (SEES THAT TERRY WON'T MOVE) Yes. I suppose you are getting real old. (THINKS) Too old. (SHE ORS SAD AND SUDDENLY EXITS TO KITCHEN) RUSTY (HORRIFIED) Ooooooo, are you mean ! TERRY I had to think of something. I didn't want her to see these gifts. RUSTY We could have said they're for Mon%my. It's supposed to be her birthday. TERRY A red silk umbrella? That,s the difference between us, Rusty, I am old, RUSTY Yeah. Pretty soon you'll have a beardl HAVING GOTTEN THE GIF'~S THEY GO OFF INTO HIS BED- ROOM. DISSOLVE: R1"~01 OOP9056
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24. INTERIOR - RUSTY'S BEDROOM TERRY AND RUSTY ARE TYING THE GIFTS INTO PRETTY PACK- AGES, THEy'RE IN BED ATTIRE. TERRY When Louise sees these tomorrow It'll make up for everything, RUSTY I'm getting tired. That movie made me sleepy. TERRY What movle? We were shopping all the time. RUSTY Gee, we made up s~oh 8 good storyj I believed it myselfl ~T~01 00?905?
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TERRY Yo~ really are s~eepy° Don't talk so much. Let's finish. SUDDENLY THEY HEAR THE DOOR OPENING AGAIN° THEY COVER UP GIFTS WITH THE BLAN~. QUIETLY. LOUISE Maybe you're old~ough to be up, Terry, but Rusty's way past his bedtime. RUSTY l'm wide awake. (AND YAWNS) LOUI~ That's what I mean. (COMES MORE INTO THE ROOM, CLOSER TO THE BLAN~T. HAS BEEN STA~ING AT THE DOOR) Come onj Russell. Hop i~to bed, and I'll tuok yo~ In ° RUSTY (AI240ST JUMPING AT HER TO STOP HER) No~ ~ol LOUISE (TAKEN ABACK) What's the matte~? RUSTY Nothing. I Just don't want to be tuoked inj Louise. LOUISE You too big too~ huh? QUICKLY LOUISE ENTERS AT~O~ OO79O58
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26. RUSTY I Just don't want to be tucked in ~ny more. LOUISE Uh~h. That's how I figured it too. Goodnights children. BOTH Goodnight. LOUISE EXITS, CAmeRA WITH HER° S~'B REALLy H~T NOWs WITH THE pILE UP O~ IWCIDENTS. S~ WALKS T~AF~D THE KITCHEN DOOR AND pASSES THE PHONE. ~OOES AT IT. PICKS IT UP AND DIALS. LOUISE Hello? Miss Day there? Well, ~ill you take this message for her? Tell her Louise Smith oalled. I'm quitting my Job tomorrow. Have her send up a new maid Monday morning. Got that? Thanks. (HANGS UP. LOOKS AROUND THE PLACE SADLY# AT THE KIDS' ROOM, THEN~ QUICKLY WALKS O~ TO THE KITCHEN) DISSOLVE: DITTO I 0029059
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27. INTERIOR LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON THIS IS NOW LIE~ THE CAT AND THE 0ANAHY. C~EATING CHEATEF~$. LOUISE STICKS HER HEAD 0b'9 OF LIVING ROOM KITCHEN ENTRANCE WHICH WE SHALL CALL KITCHEN DOOR NOW. (THIS DOESN'T MEAN ACTUAL KITCHEN SET). SEES NO ONE IN LIVING ROOM AND CLORES DOOR, Going BACK IN, PAUSE. DANNY NOW OPENS HIS BEDROOM DOOR, SE~S NO ONE THEREj WHISPERS TO MARGARET. DANNY This is a good time. MARGARET (HEAD OUT DOOR, TOO) All right. DANNY (CALLS) Oh, Louise. LOUISE (ENTERS LIVING ROOM FROM HER DOOR) Ye~s Mr, Willlams~ ATM01 00?9060
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DANNY (WITH MOCK LOUDNESS) Can we set up some hors d'oeuvres in the living room before dinner for a change? (HE POINTS TO HIS BED- ROOM TO SEOW MARGARET'S IN T}~-~E) LOUISE (GETS THE IDEA AND RAISES HER VOICE) Sure, Mr. Williams. And you can tell Mms. Williams. She don't have to come into the kltohen. I'll do it all ~%ysslf. DANNY Thanks, Louise. (HE WINKS TO HER AND STARTS BACK TO BEDROOM. WHISPERS) What a surprise party this will be for M~rgar~t. She doesn't have any idea at all. LOUISE (TRIES TO RESTRAIN HIM) Mr. Williams, there's something I want to talk to you about. DANNY What about? LOUISE It's about me. DANNY (WHISFERS) Not now, Louise. After the surprise. (EXITS) 28. ~T~O1 007906 ~
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~9. LOUISE STANDS A MOMENT, CO'USED, WALKS OUT TO KITCHEN DOOR. PAUSE. DANNY OPENS DOOR AND LOOKS OUT. MARGARET COM~3 OUT A LITTLe, TOO. DANNY MOTIONS WHERE TABLE IS TO BE SET, MOTIONS LOUISE COMING IN HOLDING CAB YELLING '~SURPRIBE" IN PANTOMIME AND THEY BOTH CHUCKLe, THEY SEEM TO HEAR SOMEON~ AND DUOK BACK INTO ROOM. LOUISE LOOKS OUTs SEES NO ONE THERE. GOES BACK. PAUSE. RUSTY LOOKS OUT OF HIS BEDROOM, SEES NO ONE. TERRy CONES OUT. RUSTY PACES ACROSS THE ROOM INTO OTHER BEDROOM. PAUSE. COMES OUT WITH THE SAME GIFTS, RACES ACROSS. RUSTY ~ Daddy says to keep o~r gifts separate. (HEARS A SOUND. THEY DUCK BACK) LOUISE ENTERS WITH TABLE OF HOBS D'OEUVRES ON WHEELS. LOOKS AROUND TO SEE IF MARGARET ISN'T THERE, PUSHES TABLE INT0 CENTER OF ROOM, DANNY ENTERS AND 0ORS TO PIANO. DANNY Say, Louise, it's been a lone time since you did a nomber for me. LOUISE Yeah .... (THIS IS REALLy G~v2TING I£E~) Mr. Williams, I gotta talk to you[ DAN~{ Not now. We'll rehearse a song thst we'll sine for Mrs. Williams. Come On. DANNY PUS~S HER TO PIANO AND SEE STARTS TO NOODLE AROUND AND DANNY STARTS TO SING WITH HER. BUT LOUISE IS TOO SAD FOR IT AND HITS A FEW CLINKERS~ THEN STOPS. DANNY (ENCOURAGING) You're out of practice. RTX01 00?9062
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LOUISE I'ii say. (VSRY FARNESTLY) Mr. Williams, I'm quitting| DANNY (LOUD) What? (LOOKS AROUND AND ADDS QUIETLY) What? LOUISE I hated to say those words~ and I've hesitated a lone time~ but now I've said them and there. DANNY LOUise, you'~e Joking, a~enlt you? LOUISE NO, I'm not, M~. Williams. All day long I've beeD looking for a chance to tell you qDiet~y. DAHNY But what's the reason? You want more money 1,11 give it to yo~ - something's bothering you - I'ii get rid of it. LOUISE Well, it's ~eally the children. DAN}~ Louise, I can't get rid of them. 30. ATHOI 00?9063
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LOUISE Terry and Rusty don't Deed me. They're getting so they won't even talk to me. yesterday, seems to me, Terry even got snIppety. DANNY Oh? LOUISE And that ain't ~t all llke her. Just look at today, their mother,s birthday, neither one's as much as raised a finger to help. All I been getting is a lot of secrets about it. Mr. Williams, I thought I was in the family, but I guess I'm not. DANNY Look, Louise. Yo~ couldn't be further from the truth. Those kids not only Want you around, but they love you more thsn ever. LOUISE How ca~l you say such a thing? After what I Just told you? DANNY Don't ask me how I know. I knew. 31. ~T~01 00?9064
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LOUISE (ALMOST SAEOASTICAIJ~Y) YOU kDOW. DANNY (POUTING WITH HER) yes, I know. LOUISE (PETULANTLY) Know. DAN~ (KIDDINGLY) Yes, not no. Now, Louise, for Mrs. Willlams' sake, don't say anything, let'e make believe everJthlng is peaches end ore~mt oopasettl, as we s~y, After the party - if you still want to go, well, thatls up to yOU o LOUISE M~% Williams, I'm going to make this one swell party tonight. Come on. (GOES TO PIANO) DANNY Okay. (CALLS) Come on tn, every- body. (T~RY AND RUSTY ENTER) RUSTY Oh boys look at everything, ~tls eat. DANhX Stay away from that table. MARG AP~T ENTEES. 32. RTM01 00?9065
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MARGAF~ (INNOCENTLY) Oh, whet a lovely table? I~qat~s the big oooasion? RU~T~ It,s somebody's birthday. DANHY Rusty| (THEY ALL<~OOK A~ HIM) F~%BGARET (DUMB) Ohhhh? I wonder whose? BUSTY (COVERING) Let's eat, DA~Y Well, whoseverTs part~' it isj we=re gonDa sing ~ special song in honor of that person. 0ome onl Louise. h~BER AND APFLAUSE. RUSTY Let's eat' DA~nqY Rustyl LOUISE (SCTTO TO DAN~) ~i?. Williams, shall I bring in the ~ake? DA~q~Y All right. 33. ATX01 00?9066
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34. LOUISE Excuse me. (SHE ENTERS II~20 THE GAME) I have something to do in the kitchen. (TO MARGARET) Do you mind? (GOING) MARGARET Oh, not at all. TERRY Not at all. RUSTY Please do. DANNY All right~ wise guys. Quiet. Go ahead, Louise. THE MINUTE LOUISE IS OUT THE DOORj EVZEYONE SCATTERS OUT. LOUISE LOOKS BACK IN THE LI'~NG ROOMa SHA~S HER HEAD QUIZZICALLY, EXITS. THEY ALL CONE BACX IN A~D PI~OE GIFTS ~DHE THE ~.Y TABLE. NAVING DOHE ALL THE BUSINESS, LOUISE EN~RS, WITH A CAKE WITH TWENTY-0NE GLOWING CANDLES AND E~r~RYBODY STARTS TO SING AS DOES LOUISE. ALL Happy Birthday to you. (THEY ARE ALL GROUPED AROUND ~ TABLE NOW) Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Louise (EXCEPT LOUISE ~{0 SINGS "MARGARET" AND GOES HIGHT ON AND DOESN'T DO A TAKE UNTIL INT0 THE H~Z'~T LINE WHEN SHE SETS THE CANE DOWN, HER XTNEHEL S EIOUS. (MoHE) ~T~OI OO?906,~
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ALL (CONT'D) SHE SITS DOWN BY T~ TIME THE LINE IS ENDED AND SHE ISN'T SINGING ANYMORE] Happy blrthd~y to youl (HAVINQ FACED HER AFTER TME WORD LOUIS, THEY NOW ~OUT BS. "SURPRISE". EXPECTANTLY, Po~ HER) THEY ALL LOOK AT HER BUT THES IS TOO MUCH LOUISE How did you find out it was my birthday? RUSTY Mo~y said it wms on you~ Social Securityl (THAT BREAKS THE ICE AS THEY ALL LAUGH) DANNY Blow out those 0andles~ Louise. LOUISE Mr. Willdams, you blow it - I'm all out of steam .... (8HE SITS THERE, SHAKEN) TERRy We'll help you. Come On. LOUISE BLOWS AND TH~ ALL HELP AND BLOW OUT T~E CANDLES, AND yELL "HCORAY," "YIPPRE", ETC., AS RUSTY DIVES UNDER THE TABLE AND CO~S UP WITH THE SIFTS. DANNY He can't walt...(TO LOUISE) Here's ours, Lo~iseo ATe01 0079068
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~RGAR~ FrOm Danny and me. LOUI~ OPENS IT. IT'S A WRIST WATOH. LOUISZ A wrist watoh. RUSTY The~e~s w~itlng on the baok. (READS) "TO Loolse. 14 carat ~old." LOU~ (RUEFULLY) You know? This Is something I never thou6ht I'd went, but now that I~ve got It~ I'm glad I dld. TERRY Here I S m1~e~ LOUISE You go~ me you~ own present. TERRY (NODS) A bracelet. RUSTY (CANIT WAIT. GETS HISs SHOWING FOR THE FIRST TII~ TO HER) Here's mine. (OBVIOUSLY THE Ur~RF~LA, LOUISE REA0~S) Open it, open itl 36. ATe01 0029069
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LOUISE (0PENI~O IT AND E~OWING BEFORE IT'S OPENED) My red silk umbrellaI....It Isl (SHE OPENS IT) Rusty, honey, where'd you get it? RUSTY Out of my piggy bank. DANNY Louise, it's bad luck to open am ~mbmella izdoors. LOUI~ Really? The way I feel, it ain.t gonna ~aln no more. TERRY You ~ee, Monm~v. A~d you bawled us out fo~ trylng to £1~d out what Louise wanted. LOUISE You mean yesterday mo~oIng? ~t~RGARET Yes. And it gives me a chance to apologize for th8 way I talked. DANNY What have you got to say, Rusty? RUSTY Letts eat. 37. ATe01 007907'0
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TERRy And that's why I told you I was old enough last night, Louise. Your presents were under the couch. RUSTY And to make it worse, when we moved them under my blanket, yOU osme in to tIJok me iD, LOUISE Ohl I See. DANNY (SURE) We2l, Louise, What are ~cu golng to do now? LOUISE I'm gonna paokl DANNY What? LOUISE Afte~ what I said to you before, and after what's happened to ~e tonight, I'm never gon~a be able to hold my head up in this house, I oH9~ leavel 38. DISSOLVE: RTXO1 OO7"9071
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>i THE A~iERICAN TOBACCO COI~X~Y PALL hALL FA~i0US CIGA~TN~S TV FIU~ #146 ONE MI ~OTE OPNN ON "PJO TRUMPh'YLRS, B~4N~L~S FROM TRUMPETH R~DING "PAI.L MALL" CUT TO i~ARCH~ FIGURT~S, SI~N% C~RRYING FLOA~ WITH pTALL MiLS P,ICK CUT TO ANOP}[~R SECTION OF PARAD~ ~ITH BANNE~ !LEA31NG "~hC~H", T~E)" CUT TO CU OF ~C~RS SI~ING CUT TO ~NOIHER S!~T!03 OF P~RADE~ CAPd{yI~3 STR~.:~P.: "ENJOY $MOC~.~R SMOKING" CUT TO Ah~O~H. ~ $~CT~ON OF PA~btSE, wir~H BAN~S "CHOC~E WISELY", CEOOSE h~LL" CUT TO AMOUR SECT$O~ OF PARADE, BAN~L~P~ P~DING: "FOR F~SHLY.LIT FLAVOR. CUT TO I~/RE:~ MARCI[~RS $INOZ~ CUT TO ~40 SQUADS OF FOUR ~N E.~CK, CARRYING BANNERS R~.DI~ "PALL MALL" OFFICER STEPS l~fO FOREGROUND, W~TH PACE OFFICU~ S~LUT~S RZS!DE PACK PLU,L BACX SLIG}~L[ TO I~CL'"JE S~AN~OARD REhDIEG 'IOUTS2AMJlNG". (~YHE..R hARCHERS POP IN FR~I S~E, WI?H CAP~$ RPA~I~ "A~'D THEY AR~ ~il~" IN S~C (OPENING FA~FA~) (CHORUS) ~ march as we sln~ Of a fine c2garet~e ,,. Itls ~m~oth ~nd it's mild ~tts the best you c~n ~et] Enjoy smoother smoking - Chooss wisely - choose wel For freshly.llt flavo~ Just ask for pELL ~. p£LL JF~LI ~LL :~LDI Smoke longer and finer and milder ~DL ~LS, CHApPE~L: (V.O,) Don't miss t~he fun of smoking. Mildness is a pleasure with PF~L ~LL Famous Oi~%rettes, C;~F?E~/L: Outst andlng~ HARRIC~I And . they are mild~ 8TM01 00?90?2
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39. INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING LOUISE, BAG PACK~, IS LEAVING. THE ENTIRE FAMILY AROUND HF~. THEy ARE BEGGING HER TO STAY. DANNY Honest, Louise, we love you. WeIDe emaz~ about you. LOUISE NOW can you llke suoh a m%an, old, deceitful, one.J, two-ti~Ing~ horrlble cha~acteP like m@? RUSTY You left out m~seDable. DANNY Rustyl RUSTY Well,~%at's what Louise has been saylng all the time. miserable ~he ~s. Now ATe01 0029023
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\, 41. MARGARET Louisea how oan We make you understand that your attitude is wrong. You k~%ow, it will be very difflcult Without you, LOUISE It's not you, itls mej M~s. Willia~s. %~lis feellng I got. I Just gotta go. Goodbye. THE DOORBELL RINGS. LOUISE GOES TO GET IT. ENTER ANOTHER MAiD - NICE. SHE'S SURFRISND TO SEE LOUISE. MAID Is this the Williams residen0e? MARGARET MAID Yes. live been sent here by the Day E~ploym%nt Agency as the new maid. (SHE LOOKS AROUND. NO ONE ANSWERS) I hope -- I haven't come at the wrong time. (NO ONE ANSWERS AND THE MAID DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, LOOKS AT TEARY) My, what a big giml. And so p~etty. TERRY llm not a big girl. Ir~ a little glrl~ RUSTY I can't even talk yetl 8[H07 00290?48
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LOUISE You never sald a true~ word~ Rusty. Russell, I feel BO low that if I were a waffle you couldn't get any syrup under mel TERRY Please stay, Louloe. we want you to. Don't you, Rusty? RUSTY You bet I do -- I havenlt had any breakfast yetl DANNY Get out of here, Busty. We.re talking about somethlng thatls so serious and here all you can think about is breakfast, RUSTY Wet1, gee, Daddy. I al~ays know that when I come into the kitchen every morning I1m going to see Louise there and she's going to be m~ki~g all kinds of good th±ngs for me. Like waffles -- and waffles -- (HUNGRILY) -- and -- waffles. DANNY Louise, you got~a stay, otherwise this kldtll collapse~ 40. ATe01 00,~907~
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42. MAID Well, I'll teach you how to, I'm sure. May I see my Teem? SHE STARTS TO MOVE IN AND LOUISE IS SUDDENLY GALVAN- IZED INTO ACTION. LOUISE Your ~oom? llm te~rlbly sorry, there's been some mistake. (SHE STARTS TO MOVE HER OUT ~E DOOR) I apologize for making you go to all the trouble of coming up here but I'll be sure that youlre paid for the day. Is that all right? THE MAID JUST LOOKS AT MARGARET AND DANNY. DANNY You'd better listen to her -- she's the head of the family. MAID Certainly. (GOING OUT) I'm sorry. You looked llke such a nice family. SHE EXITS. TEE FAMILY NOW JUST STAED AROUND AND AGAIN LOUISE IS IN ACTION. LOUISE Well, wbatcha standln~ around for? Ain,t you ever seen anybody change their mind?... (STRIDES OUT TO KITCHEN) Gangway. Waffles coming up l (AND EXITS) RTX01 0029025
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MARGARE~ Well, looks llke everythlng's O.K. DANNY Couldnlt be better, TERRY Whatls that word you always say, Rusty? RUSTY (WITH A BIG SMILE) Copasetti. FADE OUT. ~3. A'F~O 1 00?9076
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,) THE DANNY THOMAS SHOW REVISED li17155 DT #14B (74] "MARE ROOM FOR DADD~" Subtitle: "Mr. Williams Goes Legit" WRITTEN BY HENRY GARSON ATe01 00?90??
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" "MAKS ROOM FOE DADDY" Subtitle= "Mr. Williams Goes Legit" CAST DANNY WILLIAMS .......... DANNy THOMAS MARGARET WILLIAMS ....... JEAN HAGEN TERRY W~LLIAMS .......... SHERRY JACKSON RUSTY WILLIAMS .......... RUSTY HAMER JESSE LEEDS ............. JESSE WHITE KID BROOEN .............. MAXIE ROSENBLDM SETS INT, WILLIAMS KITCHEN (MORNING) INT. LIVING ROOM (NIGh) RT~01 00?90?8
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P~LL i4~LL FAhOUS CIGAHETT~)S I~DIUF~ SHOT OF FISHE~L~N CASTISG I~fO SI~RFAM CLOSE OF FLY STHIHI[,D T}~ WAFER clogs OF TROUT ST~IHIHG TF~ FLY Y~ SHOY OF FIRHE~J~N AS HE, PLAys FISH CLOSR OF HET SCCOHI~G UP FISH ~PJD. CLOSE OF FISHErmAN A3 HE T.A]~S PkLL ~[q,L FRO~[ PACK, SUP>I: "~O.'T hISS TI~ FU~ 07,' SHOEING" CLOSSR SHOT AS [~) RAISES CIGA~TI~ TO LIPS. SRPER: "I%ILD~ESS IS A PI~ASUR : ~TH PALL M~LL" CUT TO CU OF PqC~i IN HIS F.~.NDo CUT TO AZ~F~%'rlON. HOFdZC,'T~L "~OORS" !IITH LEU£i~ "~'OR FLAVOR AhD niL~I~SS" (TOP SLIDE) "FL~E TOBACCO FII,T~RS B~T" (BOTTOM SLIRE) DOORS START TO OPEN ~3%~-ALING SECTION OF LP~Lm. CIGARETTE STf~hTS IN LEFT. LES~D STL~ V!SIRLR ON DSO~S~ DOORS OPEN COI~L~T~L[, OI~.RETT~ STAHPS SL]DIYG ~BROUGH CE~£LR OF LLAF ~:'~ IN Fb'LL FEC~I~. CIGARETTE ~LF !JAY T!~ROUGH LEAF S~;OK~J A;iF~C'~S ~AZS ~U~[,JC, H fSI,]AR%TTg CUT PO FIll SHCP TF FI~HESFAN il~ HIS ~'I.'E ASOUNL 0,!]]P ~IR3, WI['H ? ~O~{CG~L%PH S~i E. BOTH SAY, SH~ STAATS PHO:DGPO.PH CLOS!~R SHOT AS JINUL~ Sf~TS. BOTH HUG EACH OTHER GAILY %2,~ ~';AY ON DAUCE IN TEXPO CLOSE UP OF PACK AGAINST ROUGH BAHM BACKGHOU~ SBPER IN SYh~: "OUTS'LA~.[DI?D . 9.~ TF/~Y AP~ ZILD~', TV FlU~ ;nS~- - ~vzsm ~,/~8/56 ONE MINUTE I~x SECO~DS OF SILENCE SOUnDs REEL SPINNING A~D WATERFALL SOUNC t WATERFALL ANNOR: (AS FISH RTHII~gS) Fishing i~ fun; And ~he~evor ~oulre ha~rlng fun.,. * o .whatever yo~ do, ° ° Don't miss the fun of smoking; :.ildness is a pleasure ~th PELL :~. Yes, mildness is a pleasure with FELL ~LL - because -- For flavor and mildness - - fine tobacco Tilters best, PZLLMELL~s natural filter - greater length of traditionally fine tobaccos - - travels the s~ke further - - filters the smoke and makes it mild. And mi!da~ss is a pleasure with FELL >E~LL° Itt@ tha fun you may be missing i~ yo~tr present ci~ax~stte. JINCL~: Dontt mis~ the fun of smoki~| Dontt mis~ the fun of ~moking~ ~idness is a pleasvr~ with PELL ~:~DL~ (JINGLE 0~) RUM P3LL MELt in the distin~ui~he~ red package tod~/. PED~ MELL Famous Cigarettes. Outstanding . an~ they are mildJ ~T~40 1 00P90,~9
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"MAK~ ROOM FOR DADDY" Subtltled: "Mr. Williams Goes Legit" INT. WILLIAM3 KITCHEN - MORNING MARGARET, RUSTY AND TERRY ARE SEATED AT KITCHEN TABLE HAVING BREAE~AST. TERRY IS READING FROM NOTEBOOK. TERRY And in the words or that emenent philosoph%F, John Deweya "Knowledge is the light that illmlnates the shadow of ignopanoe." NO trueP words have ever been spoken and for that reason the re.chin8 pr~fesslon proudly takes its place alon~ the sides Of the illustrious fields of htE~Kn Indever. You know, Mom, I think I'd llke to be a teacher when I ErOW up. ATK01 00?9080
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RUSTY If she's going to be a teacher, Itm moving out of hePe. TERRY I suppose you ~ant me to be a fireman or a polieem~n. RUSTY What's wDDnS with that. TERRY I'll be vhat I want co be and you be vhat you want to he. You be a fireman or a polio~man° RUSTY Uh, uh, I'm going to work in night clubs llke I~ddy. HE RISES FROM TABLE. MARGARET Oh just llke that, huh. There's a lot of york connected ~ith it. You've got to be able to sing and tell Jokes. RUSTY I can sing... "Oh Rusty Boy the pipes are calling. From Glen to Glen and on the mountain side • •. " MARGARET Better forget the singing and concentrate on the Jokes. f~TXO 1 0079081
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,i RUSTY (A LA DANNY) A funny thing happened to me on the way to the club tonight --- e feller stepped me and asked for eighty dollars for a cup of coffee. I said: "Eighty dollars for e cup of coffee." Re sald: "Yes, I want to have it in Chlcago." ~RGARET AND TERRY STARE AT HIM. RUSTY How about that. Didn't it kill you? MARGARET No, but it hurt a little. MARGARET SITS. RUSTY Well, these are the jokes, lady. Let's laugh 'em up. Did you ever take a ride on e bus across the country? I walked like this for ninety days after it was over. It was & Greyhound bus. (STARTS TO JIGGLE HIHSELF UP AND DOWN. HE CONTINUES JIGGLING) I had a seat over the hind leg. DANNY AND JESSE ENTER, 3. ATe01 0029082
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,r DANNY What)s the matter with him? Has he Eot ~ chill? MARGARET Hi. JQSSe, I think you got yourself a new client. He's auditioning for us right now. ~ TERRY GO ahead, Rusty. Do the rest of it. RUSTY For two weeks I walked aroUnd like this. (SHA~8 HEAD) That you get from reading Burma Shave signm. DANNY Oh, ~o, you don'tl You'~e not stealing my stuff. RUSTY I'm nob going to steal it. I'll wait 'tll you retire. JESSE Look kid. Don't call me. I'll call you. JESSE PATS ~IE HEAD. JESSE Now how about a cup of coffee for a ha~d working agent. PIT~O 1 0079083
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DANNY Isn't this early for you? Or haven't you been co bed yet? JESSE Are you kidding. I've done a day's york already. I've 8o~ business co talk over with you, Daniel MARGARET While you gentlemen talk, I'll get the children off to school. MARGARET AND CEILDREN RISE AND EXIT. JESSE (CALLS AFTER T~M) Work real hard in school, kiddies, 8o you'll grow up ~o be smart like youD Uncle J~sse. RUSTY For this you 80~ to 6o to school. /ESSE Get OUt of hsPe, I'll ~ive yO~ such a shot. MARGARET, TERRy AND RUSTY EXIT. JESSE Daniel, your assnt has a surprise for you. DANNY Dsniel? What's this Daniel business? 5. RTF(01 00?9084
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jI JESSE Daniel's a good dignified name for the theatre. My boy, your little agent has fotund something for you. Daniel, you're going into a legitimate play. (HOLD~ UP MANUSCRIPT ) ~! DANNY Here, you,d better drink some black coffee and sober up. Me, legitimate? I'm a night club comic. What would I be doing in a legitimate play? JESSE It's a comedy. "The Enockout." All about a prize fighter. Perfect part for you. You'll be great in it. DANNY Jesse, are you nuts? Do I look like a prize fighter? Did you ever see a fighter with a nose llke this? JESSE In the theatre that's no problem. A little putty on the nose flattens it out. And you'll look beautiful. 6, RT;KO 1 00?9085
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~r DANNY I'm not spoillng my profile for Broadway. JESSE H~ve I ever st~red you Vrong? DANNY Well, no, but you1~e 8ux~ t~ylng JESSE Whet are you talklng about. You're ~ natural bprn aotoro DANNY You=re ~ n~tur~l born 11~at~c JESSE Look, Danny, maybe you don't respect your o~rn talent the ~ey I do. I ~now wh~t you're capable of. You've got depth. You've go~ senslbil~ty. You just need an opportunity to brlng it out. Look, Den, you,ve Eob to trust me. Bolleve me you'll thank me vhen ~ou see your name up in li~ht~ on Broadway. DANNY Well, Jesse, you've been ~ht so ~ny tlme8 in the p~t. I'~ no~ goln~ to ergue with you. 0k&y. 7, ATe01 00?9086
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,< JESSE That's my boy. I've got everything all ar~anEed for you. DANNY When do rehearsals start? JESSE Well, there's only one little matter to be settled first. DANNY What's that? JESSE You have to try out for the part. You know, kind of audition. DANNy What audition. I thought you had it all arranged. JESSE Well, I know where the auditions are going to be held. DANNy You read for the part, I'm not auditioning. What kind of an agent are you. I'm e headliner in night clubs and you want me to audition. 8o /' AI"~01 00P908?
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JESSE That's my point. You're a headliner in night clubs but they don't ~qow you in legit. You've got to prove yourself. DANNY What do you mean, prove myself. Have them take ~ look st my reviews from the London Palladium. JESSE That's it. Your reviews at the Palladium are great, you killed 'em at the Chez Paris. You fractured them at the Sands in Las Vegas. You.re the tope in your field. Nobody will argue the point with you. But where are you going from here? Don't you want to improve yourself? Don't you want to keep moving? You've got to make a picture. You got to do a pl~y. You can't stand still in this business. You got to move forward. DANNY You'd make a swell fighter. You're really punchy. 9. ATe01 ooPgosLR
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JESSE This can open up a new career for you. A step up. If you worked for nothing, I1d want you to do it. I'd pay them to have you do the part. Just think of it -- overnight Broadway ~tar. This is how it happens. Look at Katherine Cornell, Talulla Bankhead, Helen Hayes. How do you think they got their break. DANNY They played prize fighters? JESSE Sto~ clowning. This is a chance of a lifetime. Here, Itve got all the confldenoe in the vorld in you. Be ready 5o read in two weeks. DANNY TAE~3 SCRIPT. DAh~Y Now, wait a minute. It isn't that slmple. I don~t IG~o~ how to play a prize fiEhter. JESSE What are you worried about? You're a comedian, arentt you? It's a comedy part. I0. #~I'~01 00?9089
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DANNY That's different. JESSE It is not. you ~ke people believe you in a night club, Why can,5 you do it on ~ stage? In your bus routine, they think youIve been on ~ bus~ DANNY gut I've never been L~ ~ rlng. If I'm going to play a fighter, I should know everything about one, You need experience rot a part like that. JESSE All right. Fight Rocky Marciano and when you get out of the hespltal~ you can read for the part, without your teeth. MARGARET E~TERS. DANNY Margaret, I've got news for you. My night club d~ys will soon be behind me. I'm quitting. MARGARET Now give me the rest of the news. DANNY Huh? MARGARET How ~re we going to e~t? Ii. P]T XO 1 00,"9090
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~J DANNY My dear, you're talking to Daniel Williams who's going into 8 Broadway p~ay.., a legitimate production. MARGARET I think you're ~ serious. DANNY Of course I am. What's the matter? Don't you think I can act? MAROARET Certaln~y, dear. But ~hls is kind of unexpected. I thought you were booked ~to Miaml, Ohlcago and Las Vegas fo~ the wln%er. DANNY l'm canoe~ling those dates. I'm going to play on BroBdway ~nste~. MARGARET What's the play about? JESSE It,B a comedy. MARGARET Well I didn't think you'd w~t him to play Hamlet. DANNY Don't forget Map~on BP~do plByed Julius C&esar. ATH01 0029091
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MARGARET Dear, Z love you, but let's face it -- youtre no Marlon Bra~do. DANNY One of these days I might surprise you. MARGARET Make it soo~, dear. JE3SE Just don't Jump to anF hasty ¢onoluslons. He~e, read thls one speeeh for her, Dan. Read her th$~ pa~t wher~ your manager tells you you're through and throws you out. DANNY You can throw me out now. You can ¢~st me aside llke en old shoe. Don.t forget whatever h~ppened to me can happen to ~ou too. The day may come when you need a frlend and you'll learn then th&t you've met the same people on the way down that you passed on the way up. (TO MARGARET) Wha~ did you think? JESSE APPLAUDS. 13, ATXOI 00,=9092
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2' MARGARET Very good, dear, but just to be safe, let's teach Rusty the bus routine. (SHE GOES TO DOOR. TEENS TO JESSE) YOU and your forstunkana ideas, RT~01 00P9093
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15. I~T. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT THE DOOR CHXME RINGS. MARGARET ENTERS FROM KITCHEN, OPENS DOOR, REVEALING KID BROGEN. KID Does Danny Williams llve her~? MARGARET Yes, he does. IJm Mrs. Williams. KID Glad to ~ow you, Mrs. Williams. From Raekensacks New Jersey, ~elghlng 210 pounds... Kid Brosen. MARGARET Mr. Williams is busy. Is there something I can do for you? KID Yeah. YOU want to show me my Doom? ATe01 0079094
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MARGARET Your room? KID Yeah. It don't have to be fancy. Just a place to flop. MARGARET Are you sure you,re looking for Mr. Da~!lel Williams? KID Sure llm sure. Mr. Daniel Williams, my friend, the actor. This la vhere he told me l~m going to llve. MARGARET (NERVOUSLY) Would you excuse me for just a moment. H~ve a seat. I'll be right FOR KITCHEN) again? From Haokensack~ back. (SHE STARTS What was your n&me KID New Jersey... 16. weighing 210 po~md~... Kid Brogen. HE CIASPS EIS HANDS OVER HIS HEAD AND BOWS AS IF TO RINGSIDE... THEN DOES HEEE BEND LIKE WARMING UP. MARGARET SHOOTS HIM A LOOK AND HEADS QUICKLY FOR KITCHEN. ATe01 00?9095
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17 • INT. KITO}~N- NIGHT DANNY IS DRINKING COFFEE AND READING MANUSCRIPT, MARGARET ENTERS. MARGARET There's ~ gentlom~an here to see ~ou, Who? DANNY MAROARET From Hackensack, New Jersey... weishlng 210 pounds... Kld Brogen. DANNY 0h, oh, hels here. ATe01 OOP9096
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MARGARET He sure is. All two hundred and ten poUnds of him from Hackensack, New Joisey. He says you're hls friend and he's going to llve here. DANNY That's right. I didn't want to tell you about ~t until you met him. I ~as afraid you wouldn't stand for it. MARGARET l'v@ met him e~d l'm not st~ndlng for it. DANNY If that's the way you feel ~bout it, throw him out. MARGAP~T Me throw him out? Did you see the size of him? DANNY That's what I mean. MARGARET Why did you invite him to llve ~ith us? DANNY ~oney, he'@ very important to the play. MAROAP~T Don't tell me he's the le~dlng lady. Now who is he? 18. ATe01 0079097
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-< DANNY M~s, he's an ex-pug that I hired so I ca~ pick up some pointers for the part I,m going to play. I want to look natural -- you know, copy his style, the way he walks. You want ~o to be a hit, donlt you. MARGARET I still donlt see why he has to live with us. DANNY Look, honey, how did Marlon Brando set to be a great aotor? By living eveDy part he played. Before he went into "On The Waterfront" he hung around the docks, leaned about stevedores. When he was in that motorcycle piotuPe, he hung around with the motorcycle set. MARGARET Well, all I can say is if they ever ask you to play Tarzan of the apes, I'm leavlng. DANNY Come on, Mug~sy. Let's make him feel at home. TREY START OUT OF KITOHZN. CUT TO: 19. ATe01 00?9098
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INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY KID BROSEN IS STRETOP~D ODT ON COUCH. MARGAF~T AND DANNY ENTER, MARGARET LOOKS AT KID. DANNY HE RISES. Hello, Kid. Hi, Daniel. if I was stretching out. kind of a habit with me, KID You'll pardon m~ It's DANNY Our place is your piece, Kid, Stretch out wherever you want here. RTFC01 0OP9099
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MARGAF~T (LAUGHS%~-AKLY) We can put some canvas on the floors if it will make you feel more at home. KID 8ay~ your wife's funny. I guess that's where you set ell your Jokes. DANNY NO, I find them all over. KID Mrs. Williams, I think it's vet7 kind of you to let me move tn ~Ith you llke this. But I don't ~ant to put you to any trouble. DANNY It's no trouble at all. Is it, de~r? He!ll eat Just ~hat the rest of us will eat. MARGARET You mean you won't expect pheasant Under glass. KID If you eat glass. I gUess I can eat 61ass too. DANNY Champ, act llko this was your o~nn pl~ce. ~ust be ~our natural 8elf. Come and go ~s you please. A'r,~O 1 0079100
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MARGARET I don't llke to open up an embarrassing subject, Danny, but where do you intend having Mr. Brogan sleep? DANNY In with Rusty. It'll work out fine. Come on, I'll show you the room. KID Just a minute, Dan. I want to get something off my chest before I forget the words. I went to thank you for getting me this Job because sometimes It,a pretty tough for an ex-pug to get located. It will give me a chance to prove to a lot of ignorant people in this world that when a guy is washed up as a fighter that doesn't mean he's washed up as a human being. DANNY Of COUPes not. X TO RUSTY'S ROOM. C~ TO: ATe01 0079101
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INT. RUSTY'S ROOM - NIGHT RUSTY AND TERRY ARE DOING HOMEWORK AS DANNY, MARGARET AND KID ENTER. DANNY Children -- I want you to meet a friend of mlne. This is Kid Brogen. Commonly known as Champ. TERRy HOW do you do? RUSTY (LOOKING HIM OVER) Hey, you're a big one, DANNY Ch~mp is going to live hePe with us for a while. ATXOI 0079102
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KID Hey, Dan, your kids are lucky. They've got their mother,s no~e. DANNy Yeah, they're pretty llke their mother and smart like their father. KID The boy here look8 llke he's going to be a real good athalet. DANNy You maid it. It rune In the family. He,s a chip off the old block. RUBTY Yeah, Mommy was & champion swi~er o KID Oh, boy, look at these toys and all these comic books. I'm going to llke this room. RUSTY YOU goin~ to sleep In here with me? DANNY Yes, Rusty. We can put a mattress on this window seat. Thet,s not a bad idea, eh, Margaret~ MARGARET It's a knockout. RT:401 0079103
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K~D . , Oooh. I wlsh you vouldn't use that word. TERRY He ~ouldn't be comfortable there, D~ddy. Why don't we bring up our camping oct for hlm. DANNY Sure. Why didn't I think of that. KID ~ey, this is llke a palace. RUSTY Were you ever in & palace? KID Yeah. I fought in front of the King of India once. And he gave me a beautiful diamond and ruby belt. RUSTY You got it on? It got a little tight. I weer suspenders now. MAROA~ET I guess you can put Four things in this closet.
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KID Thanks. Gee, I don't ~mow what to say, Dan. You glving me this job as a trainer and massusey is the start of a new career for me. And who can tell what'll happen. If I do good I'll get some more people to train. M~ybe get enough money to open up my own ~ym. With my own name outside. Kid Brogen -- Massusey and Trainer. The Euys won,t be able to make fun of me then. You don't know how it feels to h~ve people laugh at you and make fun of you, So thanks for what you're doing for me, Dan. MARGARET Danny, I want to talk to you. DANNY Okay. Look, if you want to get cleaned up, Champ, the powder Doom is through that door. KID D8/%, yOU k~OW ~ don't US8 powder. DANNY EXITS LAUGHING. ~6. ATX01 00?9105
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,,i ~7 - INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT DANNY WALKS IN STILL LAUGHING. DANNY How did you llke that line Den, I don't use powder. I'll get a million bits from this character. MARGARET Danny, you should be ashamed of yourself. DANNY Ashamed of myself, what have I done? MARGARET Nha~ have you done. You've hired that m~n under false pretensss. ATH01 00?9 I06
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/ DA~Y I don't want to make him self- conscious. Thls wa~ he'll be his n~tu~al self. I'ii be oatshlng him off guard. MARGARET Couldn't he you're ~raid he wouldnlt li~ it, would it. DANNY No. Don't be silly. This guy gets kidded all the time. Margaret, what,s the matter with you? Champ's got a better sense of humor than you have, When I get the Job and tell him, he'll fall doWn laughing. KID ENTERS. KID Well, I'm all set. The bed's e little short but don't worry ~bout that. I'll just sleep fast. (}~ LAFFB) Say, that's pretty good, huh? DANNY Champ, this i8 a start of a different llfe for you and I know you're going to be very happy here, 28. ATe01 OOP9 IOP
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KID Gee, I feel llke a new bride. DANNy I'd 08try you over the threshold but somebody borrowed our steam shovel, DISSOLVE TO: ~9- J ATe01 00?9108
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): - 30. INT. KITCHEN - DAY MARGARET IS PNTTERING ARO~D KITCHEN AS TERRY ENTERE. MARGARET Your Daddy running around the park again this mornlng? TERRy Uh, uh. The Champ says the road work is good for his legs. MARGARET Your father's going to be a regular Marlene Dietrich. TERRy Daddy h&~dly lets Kid Brogen out of his sight and I don,t blame him. I llke him too. He's a real okay character, and he thinks I 'm & swell doll. RT~01 00P9109
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MARGARET That's fine language from a prospective teacher, RUSTY ENTERS. RUSTY (WALKS WITH T}~ BWAGGEN OF KID) Hi, crumb bums. Boy! Is the old 15bonza empty. MARGARET Labonz&. What's a Labonza? RUSTY A breadbasket, doll, a breadbasket. MARGARET Rusty, what kind of talk is that? RUSTY I don't Maow, but it feels good. The Champ says you gotta keep the breedb&sket full if you want to have any moxle for the ole one two, (HE DOES LITTLE SHADOW BOXING GESTURE) MARGARET Look. I think the Champ is very nice, and I'm glad you llke him. But, I don't believe you have to copy the way he speaks. RUSTY ~e taught me all about apricots. 31. ATX01 007'9110
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32. MARSARET What about apPicots? RUSTY If you bring an apricot up Trom the floor, and land it on a guyls button, he Goes out llke a light. (HE EXHIBITS UPPERCUT) MARGARET Oh, no~ DANNY AND KID ENTER KITCHEN. THEY'RE DRESSED IN SWEATERS AND CAPS AND LONG SWaT DRAW~HE. DANNY Hi, family. Hi, Champ. HIS ARMS) RUSTY (RUNS AND JUMPS IN KID I stopped and got us a comic book, Rusty. RUSTY Good. You want me to read it to you now? KID After we fill the old breadbasket. DANNY SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS. DAWNY Say, Champ, how about a rubdown before ve eat? RTH01 0079111
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~D Sure, Boss. Oh, wait a minute. We forgot to pick up so~ rubb~g alcohol. I'll gO do~ $o the drug store and get some. DANNY I'II go with you. KID You don't have to. I c~ 80 alone. You're always going with me. Every plsce I walk, you 81ways walkln8 with me. You working rod me or am I Vork~g for you? DANNY You're working for ~. ~D T~n you stay here. What's the m~tter? You think I forget what I'm gong for? DANNY KO, no. company. by yourself, Thanks. I Just llke your But if you want to go go ahead. KID DANNY You'd better get going if you're going to get it, Champ. 33. F~T~O I 00P91 12
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KID Oet what? DANNY The rubbing aloohol. KID Oh, yeah. DANNY Say, maybe you'd better put a pieoe of string on your finger so ~ou won't forget. (DANNY GETS PIECE OF STRING OUT OF KITCHEN DRAWEE) KID All right. But I don't need i%. RUSTY Will ~OU tell us about the time you were champion of the world, tonight? DANNY TIES STRING AROUND KID'S FINGER. TERRY I dldntt know you were ohamp of the world. KID There are some things a Euy likes to keep to himself. DANNY Sure he was the champ, and herd still be champ but something stopped him. 3~. ATH01 0079113
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TRY EXIT. RUSTY What? KID The canvass. DANNY (LOOKING AT STRING ON KID'S FINGER) NOW yOU know what you're going to.buy, Champ? KID Sure. Hey, it's a good idea. It,s a good way to remember. (}~ STARTS OUT AND STOPS) Oh, Just one more thing. HOW much string do you went me to buy? DANNY One ball, and some rubbing alcohol KID Okay. One hall of string and some rubbing alcohol. TERRy Wait a minute, Champ. We'll scram along with you. Come on, RUSS. DANNY How about that guy. He's a gold mine of material. MARGARET Denny, you got to get rid of him. 35. ATH01 00?9114
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DANNY Get rld of him? What are you talkinsabout? You~ow what this Euy means to me. The mo~ stuff I copy from him the more lauSh~ I'll get. MARGARET Well in the flrst pl~ce, I think the ray you hired him is an underhanded trick. And in the seCOnd placQ, hels 8or the children ~alk~ng llke the Bowery Boys. DANNY Look honeyt the Champ is Importan~ ~o ~. MAROAF~T Isn't it important ~o you what's happenlng to your children? DANNY So the klds are talk£n~ l~ke the Champ -- so what? It'll be worth it when youPre si~g in the theatre opening nlght and I'm a blg hit. MARGARET This might ~ome as a s~ock to you. I've ~d the pi~y~ and If ~ou ~ant m~ opinionj it's not ~o~r k~nd of a part. ~6. ATe01 002~115
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DANNY What kind of a part would you like me to play... Peter Pan? MARGARET Well I'd rather have them copying Mary Martin than Kid Brogan. DANNY What do you ~ean, copying him. You think it's so easy. I'm trying to sound lime the guy and l'm having trouble. MARGARET I guess you're right. Hey crumb bum.., how do you want your hen fruit. DANNY Hen fruit. MARGARET Yeah, got to fill up the labonza if you want to have some moxie in the old one tvo. DANNY Aw, cut it OUt. A couple of weeks with him is not going to leave a permanent effect on the kids. 97. PI'F ~01 0029116
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MAROARET All right, but don't blame me if Rusty JumpB up out of his sest and elugB the principal when he hesrs the school bell, DISSOLVE TO~ 38, J Rrxol ooP911?
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39 • INT. LIVINO ROOM - NIGHT DANNY AND JESSE ENTER. THEY ARE IN A GAY MOOD. DANNY MUGS, MUGS, MUgsy. MARGARET ENTERS FROM KITCHEN. MARGARET What is it? ffESSE Margaret, you should have been at that audition. Your husband heft 'em for dead. He was sensational. MARGARET You mean he got the part? I, ATH01 OO?9~18
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JESSE It was no contest. Prom the moment he first opened his mouth it was in the beE. You would have thought he was a fightsr all his llfe. It was a stroke of genius havln8 Brogan llvlng with you all this ti~e. MARGARET Well, I dontt llke it. DANNY You don't like it? MARGARET NO, and I still haven't changed my mind ebout the play elther. I don't think you're riEht for the part, JESSE Not right for the part. The producer went out of his mind. The director kissed him on both cheeks. But you say he's not right for the part. Dan, do that number from the second act for her. DANNY First I've got to set it up for her. It's a greet scene. We live in a tenement dlstrlct, see. (~o~) ~O. RT~01 0029119
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DANNY (CONT'D) My mother and me. And she says to me, "Sonj all these years I've been working hard scrubbing floors, taking in laundry, Just so I could pay for your education. And now you want to quit school to be a fighter. How could you do this tO me?" And I say to her, "But Mom it's you I'm doing it for. YOU think I like it ~owing you,re scrubbing floors until your Buckles bleed paying for my education. What kind of a life is this for you? What kind of a son do you thi~k I am? NO Mom, Ism going in that ring and I'm going to win. I'm going to ~ke a lot of money fed yOUs Mom." 8he says to ~ep "But son, you'll get murdered. You're no fighter." And I say, "What kind of a crack is that to make. Put up your dukes." But Mom was yellow. But in spite of her I went on to be Champ. DANNY DOES NUMBER. KITCHEN. DURING NU~RR KID COMES IN FROM q AT~01 OOP9120
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I. DANNY Hi, Champ. Look, I Just got the greatest Job in my llfe on account of you. And I want to thank you. KID You want to thank me. DANNY Sure, you see I,ve been studying you all the time end that's why I've had you stay here. All the things I copied from you killed the people. KID That's why you had me stay here... Just to copy me. DA~Y That's right. KID You mean you don't need a trainer to give you rub downs. DANNY NO. ~Not really. KID YOU just wanted me around so you can get some l~ffs because you think I'm punchy. You,re not my friend llke you said. RTH01 OOP9121
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DANNY Wait a minute, Chsmp. I always thought you had a sense of humor. KID (SOFTENING) LOok. I know I'm a character, and a lot of people laugh at me because of the way l'm beat up. But I got this ear trying to earn money to bring bread in the house. And this nose got broke earning enough money ~o pay a hospital bill for my kid sister. The guy weighed twenty-five pounds more then me. It wasn't such ~ Laugh. I'm glad you got the Job. At least I'm good for something. DA~Y Look, Champ, I didn't tell you why I needed you because.., well, I wanted you to be yourself,.. natural. 0ther~ise you would have frozen up. You'd have been self- conscious and I would h~ve gotten nothing from you. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I wouldn't have done that for the world. ~3. RTH01 0079122
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KID Don't feel bad. This happens to me all the time. I'm Just a clown. No good for ~nythlng. But this time, working for you, figuring you was my friend, I thought I had a chance to be somebody. Maybe be a rub~owner.°. I thought I'd get to open up a gym and be a real trainer. DANNY Well, gosh, Champ, I never said anything about this Job leading to a business for you. KID NO you never said it. It was Just in my mind. My mind I say. What kind of a mind have I got. I 'm punchy. DANNY Nobody ever said you were punchy, Champ, Wait %~tll you see the play. You'll love it. KID I hope you are a big success in it, Dan. And I hope you get a lot of laffs with all the things you copied from me. (M0~) A'I'HO 1 0029123
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KID (00NT'D) But donlt expect ~e to ooze and see it because I don't think it would strike me [t~L~y. I sure had you fieur~d wrong. I'll 8o paok. }LE EXITS TO BEDROOM, 45. ATe01 0079124-
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~A 46. MARGARET LOOKS AT JESSE, JESSE yeah, I know. Me and my forstunka~a ideas. Excuse mej I've got a date to go lay down on a street car track. RE EXITS. DA~X Don't just stand there staring. Tell me wh~t to do. MARGARET You layed it. You hatch it. MARGARET SITS DOWN ON COUCH. DANNY SITS IN DOWN- STAGE CHAIR. TAKES PENCIL AND PAPER AND STARTS SKETCHING. T}~ KID ENTERS FROM BEDROOM~ cARRYING BAG. HE CROSSES STAGE, KID Goodbye, Mrs. Williams. Thanks for everything. MARGARET Goodbye, Champ, THE KID CROSSES BEHIND DANNY WHO PAYS NO ATTENTION TO ElM UNTIL ER HEARS DOOR OPEN, DANNY Before you go, I want to tell you if you'~e expecting any free passes to my play, you can forget it. I'm not going to be in it. TEE KID GROSSES TO DANNY. DANNY STILL DOESNtT RAISE SIS EYES FEOM PAPER. Ffl" ~01 007'9125
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MARGARET DANNY I~ve been thinking about it. This show is liable to open and close in three days. lJm a headliner in nlght clubs. I1m not going to take a chance of becoming a little £~og in anybodyls pond. Besides, my wlfe says I'm not right for the part and the last time she made a mistake was fifteen years ago when she married me. GOES TO DANNY g~ KISSES HIM. MARGARET Honey, youlre wrong. I've never made a mistake. Itll go see if I can get the bus routine back from Rusty, SHE ~-XITS, KID Well, looks llke I had you figured wrong. DANNY Yeah, I had me figured w~ong, too, KID Well, be seeing you. DANNY Ye~h, be seeing you. THE KID STARTS TO GO. 47. F] T)401 0029126
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DANNY Look, before you go there's one thing I'd like to ask you. What would loom be~te~ on the neon slgn... Brogen and Wll]iams Or Williams and Brogen. KID What sign? ~[ DANNY The sign werre ~olng to have Over the gym. KID You mean, we'~e going to be pa~tneFs in a gym? DANNY SuFe. You don't think I'm golng to drop the money in your lap and let you run it all by yourself, do you? KID No, you wouldn't want to do that, DANNY You havenrt answered my question. Which way would i~ lo~k be~te~,,. Brogen and Williams or Williams and Brogen? KID Any way you say, partner. DgS~OLVE: 48. FITF(01 0029122

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